Kiran Athar
All my life, I’ve had friends. But I’ve never really felt that any of them truly gelled with me (and my quirky sense of humor).
If you’ve been in the same position, you’ll know how it feels. You can be surrounded by people but still feel like something is missing.
But perhaps now someone new has entered your life, and this time, things feel different…
You don’t need to explain nuisances, you can communicate with each other with just a look, and in general, the friendship just flows. Nothing feels forced anymore.
If that’s the case, I’m so happy for you. Because about six months ago, I also found someone like this, and I’m truly enjoying the friendship.
So, want to make sure it’s the real deal? Here are 10 signs you’ve finally found a friend who “gets” you.
1) Deep conversations come easily
I mentioned in the introduction that I’ve found a friend who seems to get me completely – I’ll mention her a few times in this article but to protect her privacy, we’ll call her Annie.
Annie and I met on Facebook (I know, don’t judge)…We’re both living away from our home countries and when she posted asking if anyone in the area wanted to meet for a coffee, I got in touch.
Well…that first coffee, I think our conversations went deeper than any I’d had with my childhood friends (whom I’ve spent hundreds of years hanging out with).
We spoke about our upbringings, our love lives, and future plans, and somehow, we ended the convo with an in-depth discussion on what would happen if AI took over the world…
But that’s beside the point – we just clicked.
So, if you’ve found this to be the same with your friend, there’s a good chance they “get” you – conversation flows and you don’t feel the need to hold back.
2) You have an unspoken understanding
You know how with some friends, you feel like you need to explain yourself? Constantly?
Well, if you’ve finally found a friend who “gets” you, you’ll notice that all that “extra context” you normally need to provide isn’t needed anymore.
Your friend, no matter how long you’ve known each other, just seems to understand.
They may even finish your sentences, making you feel surprised at how they appear to be reading your thoughts.
I think this shows you’re on the same wavelength and maturity level. Either way, it’s a great feeling to finally feel understood.
3) There’s mutual respect for boundaries
One thing I really appreciated when I first met Annie was how respectful she was.
If I couldn’t meet up because work was busy, she’d never push. If there was a topic I wasn’t comfortable talking about, she’d smoothly change the subject without guilting me into sharing.
And I like to think I do the same in return.
You see when a friend like this comes into your life, you suddenly become aware of how other friendships might have lacked mutual respect for boundaries.
I had friends in the past who’d be offended if I said I was too busy to come out. Now, I’m enjoying the fact that I can be honest without facing any sort of toxic backlash.
If you notice this in your friendship, good for you. You deserve a friend like this.
4) There’s no judgment
In the past, you might have held back from sharing everything with your friends.
There may have been times when you shared something vulnerable only to be met with an eye-roll or a sarcastic, judgmental comment.
But now, you’ve got an open-minded friend. They hear you out before they form an opinion. And they certainly don’t shame you for your choices.
This is a good sign you’ve finally found a friend who “gets” you – they allow you to be your authentic self.
And when there’s something they’re not quite sure about? They seek to understand you better, rather than jumping to conclusions or spouting harsh comments.
5) You have a good laugh together
Now, the stuff we’ve covered so far really builds up the foundation of a good friendship.
But there’s one thing I haven’t mentioned yet…
You have a bloody good time together!
After all, friendship should be about having fun together, not just focussing on the serious side of life.
If you and your friend find yourselves laughing uncontrollably, creating inside jokes, and just having a ball whenever you’re together, it certainly sounds like they “get” you.
6) You feel like you can trust them
I don’t know about you, but I tend to take a while to trust people. But when I met Annie, she just gave off a vibe that was so authentic and kind…I felt myself trusting her within a few meetups.
A part of me still held back though – I’ve had my heart broken in friendship before and I’m not going through that again…
Yet, the pull is there.
Do you feel the same way?
We’re subconsciously picking up on other people’s energy, body language, and words all the time, and if your gut feeling suggests they’re a good, trustworthy person, that’s a good sign.
7) There’s a balance between give and take
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to make this into an article about new friends vs. old friends, but it’s normal to make comparisons.
In my case, I often felt I went out of my way for my friends back home. I was always the one giving lifts, driving to their houses, helping them out.
And it sometimes felt that when I wanted a hand in return, I was annoying them.
But with Annie, there’s none of that. If one day I pay for dinner, I know she’ll pick up the bill the next time.
When she needed a hand decorating her house, I did so willingly. When I mentioned my AC broke down in the middle of a summer heatwave, she drove over with a portable one.
Every friendship needs fair and equal give and take, and if you’ve found that, it sounds like your friend truly does “get” you.
8) Time flies when you’re together
Picture this:
You’re with your friend chatting away. All of a sudden, you look at the time and think, “Shit, I was meant to be home hours ago!”
If the time flies by when you’re together, it’s a huge indication that you’ve found someone you click with.
The conversation never ends. You don’t get bored. And every time you say goodbye to them, you wish you had a few more hours together.
If that doesn’t scream friendship soulmate, I don’t know what does.
9) They’re there for you when you need them
Not only is your new friend reliable and there when you need them, but they also seem to have a 6th sense…
You might be having a bad day when they suddenly message and ask if you’re alright.
Or, you casually mention an argument with your partner, and before you can brush it off, they’ll be outside your front door with drinks, snacks, and a plan to help you feel better.
This shows that they’re in tune with you.
They take the time to read between the lines and when they sense you’re not okay, they show up and support you.
10) You feel comfortable being yourself around them
And the final sign you’ve finally found a friend who “gets” you is that you can be 100% yourself around them.
I touched upon this earlier when I spoke about the lack of judgment.
You feel safe and comfortable to be authentic. There’s no need to wear a mask or hold back from saying certain things anymore.
They’ve accepted you, flaws and all.
And in return, you’ve accepted them.
What a beautiful thing to experience in life; two people coming together and forming a bond based on nothing more than a shared connection.
There are no expectations and no toxic mind games.
If we were talking in dating terms, I’d say you’ve found the one!
