Marcel Deer
Trust is not a right.
It’s an incredible privilege that you can only earn with time and patience. But when you do win someone’s trust, it can be an incredible feeling and help your relationship grow deeper.
But how do you know if you’ve really got someone’s whole and complete faith?
They might tell you they trust you, but at the same time, be sneaking glances at your phone or checking up on you behind your back.
No, the only way to tell is by looking at their actions.
So here are eight signs you’ve earned the unconditional trust of someone in your life who will let you rest assured that their faith in you is real and complete.
1) They tell you everything.
When you’ve earned someone’s unconditional trust, you’ll find that they will tell you anything and everything.
Sometimes, you’d even wish that they’d hold back because there are such things as too much information and oversharing. Still, you’ll probably still be happy to know you have their complete and total trust.
I have one friend – let’s call him Andy – who’s just like this even though we haven’t known each other long, and we’re barely more than acquaintances.
He’s a friend of a very good friend of mine I’ve known forever, though, and I guess our mutual friend has talked me up nicely.
But I also gave Andy some advice once, which he said really changed his perspective on life. I guess that helped earn his trust.
These days, if we ever meet, he usually drags me off to the side to talk about something very personal, like a romantic problem or an issue with this family.
These deep, personal subjects let me know that he really trusts me and knows I won’t spill the beans to anyone else.
So, sorry, no juicy details today!
2) They give you access to their phone.
This is a lot more of a significant sign in a relationship.
In just 15 years, we’ve become completely dependent on our smartphones and apps. If you’ve ever felt the terrible dread that comes from losing your phone, you know exactly how deep this attachment goes.
And tied to that is the feeling that our phones are also our private real estate, places where we can be safe and private.
So it’s a huge deal when someone gives you access to their phone.
Unlike in any of my past relationships, my partner and I actually both know each other’s passwords and use each other’s phones often.
We’re not worried about hiding things away because we really do both trust each other with our privacy and also not to pry.
And while it might take some getting used to, this is a really great feeling!
3) You know their passwords and PINs.
Like phone access, when someone gives you their passwords and other important codes and PINs, it’s a sign they trust you unconditionally.
This is especially true when it comes to money. They say a fool and his money are soon parted, but that’s not true if he gives it to someone who’s actually trustworthy.
I’ve got a friend who has a lot of money but had a banking issue a few years back. Without going into detail, he had a lot of cash that he asked me to keep for him.
And no, he’s not a gangster!
I held onto that money for a year and then gave every last cent back to him when he asked for it.
Now, he uses a safe and has given me the combination. He’s older and has asked me to help him out in case of any medical emergencies since he doesn’t really have any family he can lean on.
All this is because he says I’ve earned his unconditional trust.
4) They ask you for help in tough situations.
When someone really trusts you, they’ll feel confident coming to you when they’re wrapped up in sticky situations or embarrassing blunders.
Rather than trusting you with their money, they’re trusting you with their privacy and also your discretion and good judgment.
We’ve probably all had someone come to us when things are really going wrong.
My partner had a friend who was in the middle of a messy divorce with her husband when he started to threaten her safety.
She came to us and asked for help, and we gave it to her with no questions asked. We helped her get away from him and refused to give him any information when he actually came looking for her.
This was actually a harrowing experience as he got violent, and we ended up having to call the police.
So be prepared because not every sign that you’ve earned the unconditional trust of someone in your life is going to be a positive one.
You might find that they come to you with their struggles and changes and ask you to share the burden, but I guess that’s just part of life.
5) They show you who they used to be.
On a lighter note, when someone really trusts you completely, they’ll be open about their past.
Remember that horrible haircut you thought was cool waaaaaay too far into middle school, or the braces you had to wear for years?
We all have embarrassing and often hilarious secrets hidden in our closets. And while we all like to think (or hope?) we’ve moved on and become more sophisticated, the past is still there as a reminder of who we used to be.
Well, if someone really trusts you, they may actually feel comfortable enough to reveal these embarrassments to you.
Either that or their mom will when she pulls out the old photo album!
6) They can disagree with you.
Agreement greases social wheels, so when we want to keep things happy and harmonious between people, we tend to go out of our way to be agreeable and positive.
But what if we really don’t agree with what someone else is saying or doing?
It can be hard to express these feelings if we don’t feel like we’re in a safe place with someone we can trust not to laugh at, degrade, or belittle us.
But when someone feels that they can trust you, they’ll feel so much more open and able to express themself.
They’ll be bolder and be ready to disagree with things you say and opinions you express.
This is why really good friends and partners in secure relationships can actually disagree and argue with each other.
They don’t have to worry about offending or alienating each other, and this leaves them free to really express their opinions even when they clash.
7) They let their guard down with you.
When someone really, truly trusts you, they feel comfortable enough to let their guard down around you.
It’s normal for so many of us to walk around wearing masks or taking on personas. We have the one we wear to work, the one we wear with our relatives, the one we show to strangers.
But many people are really only their true, authentic selves around the people they trust completely.
These are the people they know won’t judge them or make them feel freaky or less than.
Like my friend Jo, who came out to me in high school, I was the first person she told and actually the only one for a while. She was right that she could trust me both to keep her secret as long as it was one and not to judge her in any way.
Now that she’s happily out and accepted, she’s living her truth. But she said it all started when she was able to trust one person to speak that truth to.
People who trust you show you their real selves and their authentic emotions because they know they can share these things with you safely.
8) Your opinion matters to them.
When you’ve earned a person’s unconditional trust, it covers a lot more than just expressing their opinions and sharing their secrets with you.
This trust also carries with it a respect for your thoughts and opinions.
They can ask you what to do in their relationship or if they really look ridiculous in that outfit.
They know that your answers won’t be cruel, malicious, or maligned. They trust that you have their interests at heart and that you also care about them and want them to be safe and happy.
That’s why they’re much more open to hearing your opinions compared with those of people they don’t feel this trust for.
Final words
These eight signs you’ve earned the unconditional trust of someone in your life can definitely let you know where you stand.
Whether you’re wondering if a friend or a partner trusts you, this guide can help you find out the truth and help your relationship develop a deeper bond.
