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13 clear signs you’re a toxic girlfriend (+ how to stop)

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Are you always keeping tabs on your boyfriend’s whereabouts?

Are you annoyed when he spends time with his friends instead of with you?

Look:

There’s nothing wrong with wanting your partner all to yourself; that’s part of being in a committed relationship.

But it’s important to be careful how tightly you hold onto him.

After all:

You might not realize it, but being too needy and controlling of your boyfriend can quickly turn your relationship into a toxic one.

The kicker?

Without someone bringing it up to you, being a toxic girlfriend is hard to notice.

What you think is a loving gesture and for the well-being of your partner might actually already be toxic and destructive behavior.

This is why reflecting on your behavior can help keep it healthy and happy for both of you.

So here are 23 ways to tell if you’re actually being a more toxic girlfriend than you thought.

After that, we’ll talk about what you can do about it.

1. You Tend To Snoop Through Their Things

When you visit his room, do you get curious about his belongings?

Do you start touching items that you know you shouldn’t be touching?

Now, being the girlfriend sure does have its privileges such as moving things around and making organizational suggestions.

And there’s nothing wrong with asking your partner about the things inside their room – who’s in that picture frame, where did they get the medals from, which band posters are those.

Asking about these out of curiosity and getting to know your partner more is fair, but when you’re trying to find something?

As if he’s hiding something from you?

That might be a mark of mistrust.

Another example:

When your partner leaves their phone, do you feel the urge to check it to read the notifications?

That’s a breach of his privacy and a sign that you don’t trust him, a common trait of toxic girlfriends.

2. You Can’t Stand Being Wrong

You believe in the idea that you must always be right.

While that may have kept your relationship going for a little while, it can lead to dangerous consequences.

Why?

Because it could lead you to avoid taking responsibility for your mistakes.

Maybe at one point you were in charge of navigation on the road but you led the both of you on the wrong path.

You might’ve clearly been wrong there, but if you say that he’s just a bad driver, that’s being toxic.

The bottom line is this:

Taking responsibility, saying that you were wrong, and apologizing for your actions are things that everyone must learn to do to be truly mature and stop being toxic.

If you aren’t able to do this just yet, that might mean you still need time to grow.

3. You’re Always Worried About Your Relationship

When you’re walking together in public and you catch your partner taking a quick look at another woman, you immediately worry.

Then you might act cold towards him, giving him the silent treatment.

You might not have wanted to admit it but you felt jealous about the way he looked at another woman.

The worst bit?

Even though it clearly meant nothing, you catastraphize and immediately worry and fear for the relationship.

This is a telltale sign that you have issues trusting your partner and the relationship.

It’s a toxic trait that is likely to cause relationship troubles down the line.

4. Breaking Up Is Your Go-To Threat

Be honest:

Do you ever threaten to break up with him whenever you’re having a heated argument?

Every argument that you have, you always seem to issue the same ultimatum: either he does what you want or you split.

You use this threat often and it works – sometimes.

Other times, your partner might’ve actually decided to go through with the break up because they’re fed up with your behavior.

This is one of the clearest signs that tell you that you might be a little toxic and even manipulative to your partner.

5. You Avoid Conflicts

Not all arguments in a relationship are bad.

Often, it’s during these arguments where partners can figure out a better arrangement for their relationship and even come out of it better than before.

But not for you. You’re conflict averse.

You’re scared that if you start getting mad at each other, you’re definitely going to break up.

So you bottle up your emotions instead.

But the truth is this:

Healthy relationships have an open line of communication.

If you block this important aspect of the relationship, you’re already encouraging toxicity.

6. You Know How To Manipulate Your Partner

You know just the song to play to get him emotional and ready to do your bidding.

You know when you should be crying to get them to do what you want them to do or extract his forgiveness.

You think these are small harmless things but in reality it’s toxic, manipulative behavior.

After all:

It’s a way for you to unfairly get what you want from him.

7. You Often Criticize Your Partner

Maybe your partner made you a special drawing, even if he doesn’t draw well.

Before accepting it, you scoff and critique his skills.

Sure there might be some shoddy elements there, but he made it just for you.

Look:

There’s a fine line between constructive criticism and outright not appreciating what he made for you.

Your criticisms might have actually hurt him inside, but you just try to play it off as a joke.

This is classic toxic behavior.

8. You Always Keep Tabs On The Relationship

You keep track of every “I love you”, every time they opened the door for you, every time you gave them a gift and they gave you a gift.

You use these metrics against him when you have a problem in the relationship.

The big problem?

Counting these moments diminishes their value.

Author William Bruce Cameron once said, “Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted.”

If the only reason you’re keeping track of things in your relationship is to see who’s got the “upper-hand”, you’re in a relationship for the wrong reason.

9. You Can’t Stand Being Apart – Even Just For A Night

Even when they want to spend the night away, drinking with their friends, you can’t stand it.

You demand that they stay with you instead.

While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be with your partner, you might still be too clingy with them.

The bottom line is this:

When you always need them to be there with you, it encourages codependency, which isn’t always very healthy in relationships.

10. You Always Try To Fix Your Partner

First you might suggest what clothes for them to wear.

They take your suggestion because they trust you.

Then you suggest what music they should be listening to instead of their personal favorites because you think your suggestions are better.

While they might disagree, they might still go along with it because they trust you.

This pattern keeps going until it gets to the point where you’re dictating every outfit, reaction, and move of his.

Understand that it’s no one’s responsibility to “fix” another person.

While it might look to you that they’re different or that they’re doing things “wrong”, remember that people have their own preferences.

You don’t set the bar for others. It’s toxic to believe that you do.

11. You Always Get What You Want

If you want to have dinner at a fancy restaurant, you don’t care how little of it your partner can actually afford.

And you both eat the meal that you want because you can’t stand the smell of his favorites.

The only thing that this is promoting is an imbalance in the relationship.

It all take and no give.

The unfortunate truth?

When relationships are imbalanced, that’s when troubles can start arising.

12. You Expect Perfection

You told your partner that you like sunflowers but he accidentally gave you yellow daisies instead.

Or when he takes a sip of hot coffee, he always does an annoying “Ahhh” after it.

To others, these might be minor. But you’re prepared to end your relationship over them.

Talk about being over-the-top!

You demand that your partner always be perfect, or else you feel like you both won’t work out and that you should call it quits before it gets too deep.

The problem with this thinking is that no one is perfect.

If you can’t see that, then that might be one of your more toxic traits.

13. You Can’t Seem To Hold Long-Term Relationships

Have you been having a string of short lived relationships lately?

Have you been asking yourself where all the good guys are and why you can’t seem to find one?

If you keep getting into relationships that don’t last long, the problem might not be with the dating pool; it might be you.

There must be a reason why people keep ending their relationship with you.

If you haven’t taken the time to reflect on yourself and instead just kept hopping from one relationship to the next, it might be time to take a little break first.

Try to understand why those relationships didn’t work out before.

Did they all have similar distant attitudes before calling it off? Did they all say they were fed up with you?

If you keep treating your partners in a toxic way, don’t be surprised to see them constantly leave you.

Admitting you’re the toxic one in the relationship isn’t easy.

It’s going to take setting aside your ego to see the truth.

But as with all problems, admitting is the first step.

You can learn to be more forgiving with your partners.

 

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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