Amy Reed
Few people like being known as intimidating. It isn’t really seen as a positive thing.
It certainly isn’t very good when it comes to finding love and relationships.
Most of the time, when someone finds you intimidating, it’s their problem, not yours. They might be feeling insecure or unable to meet your standards.
You shouldn’t have to lower your standards or stop being you just because someone doesn’t feel comfortable around you.
After all, if they feel that way, they definitely aren’t the right person for you!
But either way, it’s nice to know if that’s the reason you’re still single, right?
If you think your love life is lacking because you intimidate others, let’s take a look at these 8 signs it might be the case.
Up first:
1) You advertise that you don’t need anyone
Let’s get this straight, no one should get into a relationship because they need someone else to make their life complete.
Lots of people want a relationship, love, marriage, and someone to come home to after a bad day at the office.
But no one should need a relationship to survive or be happy. And if they get into a relationship for that reason, it probably isn’t going to be a healthy one.
Still, advertising the fact that you don’t need a relationship is a little intimidating.
I’m not sure I’d like it if my boyfriend went around saying that he didn’t need me all the time (even though I know he doesn’t, just like I don’t “need” him).
It doesn’t scream “romance”. And no matter how secure you are in yourself, it can make some people feel a little jealous, embarrassed, or (most likely) intimidated.
Like they’ll never be able to compare to you. Which leads us nicely to our next point…
2) You have high standards
Having high standards is never a bad thing. There’s a quote that goes something like:
“When you choose a partner, you choose the person who’s going to have the most impact on your diet, health, career, retirement plans, and how you raise your kids”.
So, obviously, it’s good to have standards. And those standards alone could be intimidating to (the wrong) people.
But not all standards are good standards. What I call “materialistic” standards probably won’t help you find the right person for you.
Wanting to find a guy who’s over 6ft, earns more than 50k a year, gets on with his family, has a pet dog, lives in the suburbs, has brown eyes, and tans easily is a little materialistic.
Better standards to have are things like finding someone who is kind, caring, understanding, patient, faithful, mature, and treats you right.
3) You complain about people a lot
I went on a date once with a guy who was a little too open about his past grievances.
He constantly ranted about his friends and ex-relationships in the short time we were out together.
We were two very different people anyway, so it wouldn’t have worked. But since he was so negative about others, it was kind of hard to see a future with him.
I wondered whether everything I said would’ve been taken out of context. Or twisted to suit his narrative of what was a good and bad person.
Sometimes, complaints about others are best kept to yourself. Or with a person you trust. Not with people you’ve only just met.
Yes, it’s good to have standards (as we mentioned earlier). And it’s better to make these known early doors so you can weed out the people who aren’t right for you.
But if you come across as a little hard to please, it might be coming across a little intimidating. And it could be the reason why you’re still single…
4) You’re very successful
Repeat after me: there’s nothing wrong with being successful.
Just because you have a good job, earn well, stay fit, and do whatever else you define as successful, that doesn’t mean you’re destined to be alone.
It also doesn’t mean you should change yourself (or your lifestyle) in any way just so others don’t feel intimidated by you.
That being said, it might be a little bit harder to find “the one”.
Some people are a little insecure in relationships, and they don’t like the idea that you’re “better” than they are.
Take my friend for example.
She’s always struggled with keeping fit. So even if a guy who was very into his fitness was into her, she’d turn him away. Her only reason would be that she feels intimidated by his lifestyle and physique.
And yes, it’s her problem, not anyone else’s!
If you’re pretty successful in life, the same thing could be happening to you. And it could be why you’re still single.
5) You’re very attractive
Just like your success can be intimidating to others, so can your attractiveness.
If you’re a very attractive person, not everyone is going to think they’re “worthy” of being in a relationship with you.
Some might even find you a bit intimidating to speak to or ask out on a date!
Which could be their insecurity speaking. Or it could just be part of human nature.
Studies have found that people are attracted to people they consider to be “just as attractive” as they are.
So if you’re considered very conventionally attractive, some people might be a bit intimidated by it.
Especially if they have low self-worth and don’t consider themselves as attractive as you (even if they are).
Even though you might like them, they may not think “someone like you” will be interested in them. And they might prefer it if you make the first move…
6) You talk more than you listen
Another sign you intimidate others is if you talk, talk, talk – and rarely stop to listen.
A friend of mine is one of the bubbliest people in the world. She loves being loud and gregarious. But when we were younger, she never used to get any attention from guys.
Someone said to her in jest once that it was probably because her chatting scared everyone off – and they were a little bit right.
When she toned things down a bit and started to listen more than she talked, people found her way more approachable.
She didn’t do this just to find a relationship, of course. She actually did it because she wanted to build more meaningful relationships and be a better friend.
But you get the point.
If you do a lot more talking – and people (especially those you’re romantically interested in) can’t get a word in edgeways, you might be scaring them off, a little.
7) You rarely get approached in public
People don’t approach people in public if they find them intimidating – that much I know.
But since I’ve never approached a guy I liked in public, I turned to my single brother for advice on this one.
“What would make you approach a girl in public?” – I asked.
Two reasons, he said. If he found her attractive and if she looked open to it.
“What would make you think she was open to it?” – I pushed.
He couldn’t put his finger on it exactly. But he said if she looked his way, didn’t look like she was in a hurry, and had (as he put it) “single-and-looking energy”.
And I guess it makes sense, really.
For the same reason I don’t like approaching a service attendant if they don’t look open to it, people probably don’t approach you in public if you look intimidating.
I’m not saying you should walk around smiling all the time in public if you want to find love!
But the general aura you give out when you meet new people could be one of the reasons why you’re still single.
8) You don’t want a relationship
Our body language has a huge impact on how people see us. And sometimes, the way we act and behave is subconscious more than conscious.
It changes depending on how we’re feeling. Which is why I’m a big believer that the energy you give out is (mostly) the energy you’ll receive!
Let me explain.
I was in a relationship for years and I was never hit on or approached. But as soon as I became single, people started making conversation with me in public spaces, asking for my number, and even winking at me.
It was strange at first. But then I read about the laws of energetic attraction – and it made total sense.
You just give off a different kind of energy when you’re looking for a relationship vs when you’re not.
You don’t have to be actively swiping to attract people your way. But being open to it could change your mindset when people meet you on the street.
It could also have an impact on your overall body language – making you more approachable and like you have (as my brother put it!) “single-and-looking energy”.
Final thoughts
Just because you’re a bit intimidating to some people, that doesn’t mean you’re unlovable and destined to live life alone!
I’m a huge believer that there’s someone out there for everyone. And if someone finds you intimidating, that’s probably more their problem than yours.
That being said, I think there’s something to this whole “single-and-looking” energy you give out.
If you want a relationship but don’t seem to be getting anywhere, you might be giving off the wrong kind of vibes. Or you might be talking more than you listen…
And it might be time to change things up a bit if you want to find love. Or, of course, keep looking for the right one for you!
