Alexandra Plesa
You’ve been dating someone new for a while, but you’re not sure they’re all in.
Maybe you haven’t had “the talk” yet, or they have difficulty expressing their feelings.
Luckily, there are a few things you can look out for to determine if your new boo is invested in the relationship.
Here are 16 clear-cut signs you’re someone’s priority, not an option.
Because you deserve nothing less.
1) They show up
When someone makes you a priority, they show up.
If you’ve seen a lot of them lately, they’re not only into you but willing to make the relationship work.
They don’t cancel plans, fail to reply to your messages, or bail when you need their support.
Being an option means you usually hang out only when it’s convenient for them, on weekends or late at night.
As long as that works for you, great!
Otherwise, you might want to expand your dating horizons.
2) They check-in
Everyone gets busy, tired, or overwhelmed.
But even when your partner can’t show up in person, they check-in.
They ask about your day, tell you about theirs, and apologize for not being around more.
That’s a clear-cut sign that they think of you as a priority.
Ghosting you for days on end? Not so much.
3) They make plans
Someone who wants you to be together long-term gets proactive about it.
They plan exciting dates and consider you when they think about the future.
I’m not saying they should necessarily bring up moving in, tying the knot, or even becoming exclusive – especially if it’s early days.
However, they may hint about the possibility of taking a trip together or let you know about plans they have that are months away.
4) They ask about your needs
When you’re someone’s option, they don’t put much thought into what you need.
They’re after a good time, so they don’t worry about whether the arrangement is fulfilling for you.
In contrast, a person who thinks of you as a priority will want to know how they can make you happy.
Any solid relationship starts with honest communication – and you two are on the right track!
Even so, asking isn’t enough, which brings me to my next point.
5) They listen to you
Not only do they ask about your needs, but once you tell them, they strive to meet them.
They listen to what you say and alter their behavior to accommodate you.
Additionally, someone who makes you their priority pays attention to every word that comes out of your mouth.
They remember your favorite movie, know your preferred dessert, and can pick the perfect song to cheer you up.
One of my ex-boyfriends couldn’t even recall my middle name.
I thought his memory was terrible.
I was wrong. Turns out, he was not that invested.
6) They ask for your opinion
A person who prioritizes you values your thoughts.
They want to know where you stand on topics that are important to them. They ask for recommendations.
They add the songs you send their way to their playlist and watch the TikToks you share.
I don’t know about you, but I find that precious.
Moreover, when they have a decision to make, they want you to weigh in.
If they experience a dilemma, they ask for your advice.
They might choose to go another way, but you’ll feel heard.
That matters.
7) They let you in
Once you evolve from option to priority, your significant other starts to let you in.
Their walls come down, they can be vulnerable around you, and they become open about their struggles.
More importantly, they introduce you to their authentic self, flaws and all.
As world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê explains, it’s easy to fall in love with an ideal version of someone you build in your head instead of the real person.
In this eye-opening video, Rudá continues to explain that, at a certain point, you must face your partner’s negative side.
The problem?
Not everyone is willing to let others see their darkness.
Someone who makes you a priority, however, knows that things will never work out if they hide who they really are.
As a result, they begin to reveal their true colors.
8) They care about your goals
Another clear-cut sign that you’re someone’s priority, not an option? They’re interested in your goals.
They care about your well-being and want to see you succeed.
Furthermore, they want to make sure that your goals align as much as possible.
If you want to travel the world and go on adventures while their biggest dream is to have a huge family, you might not be as compatible as you think.
It’s best to find out sooner rather than later.
9) They show you off
Someone who prioritizes your relationship isn’t afraid to show you off.
They introduce you to their friends, ask you to meet their family, and generally include you in as many activities as possible.
If they have a wedding coming up, they ask you to be their plus one.
If their friends plan a weekend getaway, they invite you to tag along.
If you want to post a picture of you two on social media, they enthusiastically consent.
In short: they make you a part of their life.
10) They notice the little things
If someone is really into you, they notice things nobody else does. It means that pay attention.
They know you always double-check that the door is locked before bed.
That you only eat meat on weekends.
That you work out to a soundtrack comprising exclusively of heavy metal songs.
You get the idea.
Even better, they don’t think these things are weird. They consider them adorably quirky.
11) They are willing to fight
Someone who sees you as an option rather than a priority doesn’t waste time-fighting with you. They don’t think it’s worth it.
Their standard response when you bring up an issue? “Whatever.”
If your partner doesn’t run away from conflict, they understand that fighting comes with the territory.
You can’t build a successful relationship if you don’t butt heads every now and then and figure out how to navigate conflict in a healthy way.
Bickering is actually good news. Who would have thought?
12) They are transparent
Everyone has things they’re not particularly keen to share.
If you’re your partner’s priority, though, they’ll become more transparent.
You’re privy to their schedule, you don’t have to wonder about what they’re doing every night, and they let you know if they’re going through a busy or difficult time.
When they consider you a priority, they want to minimize your anxiety about the relationship as much as possible.
13) They take your side
Another strong sign that you’re someone’s priority is that they take your side:
- They don’t undermine you in public
- If someone insults you, they stand up for you
- When you complain about someone else, they don’t go to that person’s defense
- When you compete with someone, they root for you no matter what
It’s normal to disagree from time to time.
In public, however, it should be you two against the world.
If your partner takes your side, they’re invested.
14) They tend to your pleasure in bed
Your orgasm is just as important as theirs.
When your partner sees you as a priority, they make an extra effort to please you between the sheets.
They ask about your like and dislikes, they inquire about your fantasies, they go the extra mile.
Granted, casual hook-ups can do this too, so this isn’t an exact science.
But if the person you’re with has a genuine interest in making you feel satisfied, you’re off to an amazing start.
15) They don’t see other people
I’ve left this towards the end because it’s pretty obvious.
If your partner is interested in making things work, they don’t date anyone else.
Not only that, but they delete their dating apps and stop flirting with other potential mates in real life or online.
Even if you haven’t defined the relationship, them mentioning that they’re not seeing other people means that they’re in it for the long haul.
16) Your gut tells you so
Finally, it’s important to trust your instincts.
If your gut tells you that the other person is all in, excellent!
If you feel like something is off, despite them exhibiting most of the signs listed above?
There’s a good chance they’re leading you on.
Final thoughts
Realizing that you’re someone’s option is disappointing, especially after you’ve made them a priority.
I’ve already mentioned Rudá Iandê.
His video on love and intimacy is a great starting point if you want to learn how to manage relationship expectations and build a stronger connection with your boo.
I can almost guarantee that it will help you bring your relationship to the next level.
