20 signs you’re second-guessing your relationship (even if you don’t realize it)

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Feeling guilty for having relationship doubts? Maybe this can help:

Relationship experts say that it’s absolutely normal for people to have second thoughts about their relationships. 

But sometimes, it’s less obvious than you’d think.

So if you’re sitting there thinking, “I’m good, we’re good,” you might still have doubts about your relationship without even realizing it.

Again, it’s okay and not uncommon to question your relationship. 

But noticing you’re having them is really important. Your awareness helps you distinguish between temporary worries and unresolvable issues.

To get to the heart of it, here are 20 signs that you might be second-guessing your relationship more than you realize:

1) It’s not a big deal when they cancel plans

Instead of getting annoyed, do you feel a surprising sense of relief when your partner bails on your dinner date at the last minute?

This may mean you need more personal space than your relationship provides, suggesting the intimacy you once enjoyed now feels too intense.

It could also point to a possible emotional drift, hinting at the need to reassess your feelings.

2) Future planning is not part of your conversations

While we’re on the topic of plans, let’s talk about the future.

If you find yourself hesitating to make long-term plans that involve your partner, that could be your unconscious telling you what you’re afraid to admit:

You’re unsure whether the relationship will last.

If this sounds like you, this is your cue to explore your uncertainty and what it means for your relationship.

3) Your ex comes to mind

From the future, let’s go back to the past.

Are you constantly comparing your current relationship with the ones you had with your exes

Or are you constantly comparing your relationship with that of others?

Be alarmed if you’re nodding your head to any of these because it could indicate discontentment with your current relationship.

4) Their cute habits now annoy you

Remember your partner’s charming antics and quirky habits that attracted you to them in the first place? 

Do you still find them cute? 

If they’re now the source of your frequent irritation, take a moment to reflect.

It might not be about the habits. Instead, your shift from affection to annoyance might signify deeper issues in the relationship.

5) You’re okay with just Netflix, without the chill

It’s no secret that physical intimacy is an integral part of a romantic relationship.

So it should be obvious that something’s up when you are disinterested in cuddling, spooning, or sexy times with your beau. 

Reality check:

That physical distancing you’re doing is a reflection of a growing emotional distance between you two.

6) You’re suddenly a nitpicker

Some people can’t express their relationship issues, so they resort to projection

What does this look like? 

It often manifests as overly critical behavior.

Do you notice yourself pointing out the smallest of things that didn’t bother you before? 

What if I tell you that’s not really about your partner’s behavior?

It’s really just you projecting your relationship issues on your partner.

7) You’re becoming unreasonably jealous

Another form of projection is jealousy. Sure, it’s a given in any relationship. 

But excessive jealousy is definitely not normal and may signal something more than doubting your partner’s loyalty.

When you’re feeling overly jealous, especially for no reason, there must be more behind it. 

You may be questioning the strength of your relationship or you may just be looking for reassurance that you’re really meant to be together. 

8) You’re trying so hard to read between the lines

You may not be unreasonably jealous and overly critical, but do you overanalyze everything your significant other says?

When you constantly look for hidden meaning in your partner’s words, this could only mean  one of two things:

One, you don’t trust them. Or two:

You’re trying to search for reasons to back up your relationship doubts.

9) You rarely say their name 

Of course, we don’t always need to bring up our partners in conversations. 

But if the people around you start to ask if you’re still together, that’s a telltale sign that you rarely mention them.

And it’s an even bigger sign of something more significant:

Either you lack pride in the relationship, or you’re subconsciously distancing yourself from it – both point towards second-guessing your relationship.

10) You don’t take their side

Being each other’s ride-or-die is expected in a relationship. 

So, if you find yourself being less and less supportive of your significant other, something’s amiss.

Being unsupportive of your partner can signal that you’re already subconsciously re-evaluating your commitment to the relationship.

11) You’re no longer willing to compromise

Another sign of your second-guessing which you might not even realize, is your decreasing will to meet halfway with your partner.

Think about it:

People in relationships bend a bit and make small sacrifices to make each other happy. Ultimately, they do this to work towards a future together.

So when your willingness to compromise is no longer there, it must mean you’re no longer invested in having a happy and lasting future with your partner.

12) You’re losing interest in things you both like

When you second-guess your relationship, compromise is not the only one you start to let go of. 

You also start to notice yourself losing enthusiasm for the activities that you used to enjoy doing together.

You could say that you’re just getting bored of these, and that may well be true. 

But sometimes, this is also a major red flag that could point to a deeper and wider disconnection between you and your partner.

13) They’re no longer your number one 

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you spend all your time with them. 

But if you’re noticing that you’re increasingly prioritizing everyone over your partner, it’s safe to say you’re second-guessing what you have.

Shifting your attention to others could be your way of distancing yourself from your other half because you may have doubts about your feelings or the relationship itself.

14) You bury yourself in work or your hobbies

People may think you’re just a workaholic or someone passionate about your hobby. And you might believe that, too.

But there may be something else going on:

When you immerse yourself in work or other activities, you might just be using those as an escape

You’re avoiding spending time with your partner or dealing with your relationship issues.

15) You fail to keep your word

If you’re seeing yourself repeatedly not following through on your promises, think about why.

Your unfulfilled promises are likely your subconscious resistance to nurturing the relationship. 

It may reflect underlying hesitations about your relationship’s future – something you might not yet be willing to consciously acknowledge.

16) You think about what a single life looks like

Honestly, who hasn’t had a passing thought about singlehood while in a relationship?

It’s not unusual and they’re usually fleeting thoughts – not something that you really wish for. 

But if you’re constantly thinking about what your life would be like if you were single, that alone is telling.

It’s a powerful indication of your second thoughts about your relationship.

17) You’re no longer afraid to lose them

Sure, you may not have imagined a single life while you’re in the relationship. But what about losing your partner?

Does the thought of it break your heart into pieces? Do you still fear losing the love of your life?

If the thought of no longer having your significant other doesn’t bother you at all, that may be more than just second-guessing.

It may be worse: you may unknowingly have already emotionally checked out in your relationship.

18) You start changing your personal goals

Nothing says “I’m not sure we’re for the long run” more than making new long-term plans that don’t include your current partner.

You may not realize it yet, but that’s your subconscious preparing you for a life after the relationship.

19) You’re hyperfocused on financial independence

Speaking of long-term plans, let’s talk about finances.

Don’t get me wrong.

It’s possible to be both financially independent and financially interdependent within a relationship. 

But if you’re becoming increasingly hyper-focused on achieving financial autonomy and independence from your partner, this deserves attention.

What you’re not yet seeing is that this desire for sufficiency extends beyond money matters. 

It could reflect a deeper and sometimes unconscious uncertainty about the stability of your relationship.

20) That gut feeling

Finally, if you’re unsure whether you’re second-guessing your relationship, trust your gut.

If it’s telling you something’s off, that might be your intuition picking up on relationship warning signs you’re not consciously acknowledging. 

Final thoughts

Let me reiterate:

Questioning your relationship is not necessarily a bad thing.

If anything, it’s a step in the right direction.  It’s a chance to think things over and have an honest conversation with your partner.

Talk about it and work out what will make the both of you happy – whether that means growing your relationship stronger or ending it on good terms.

Sarah Piluden-Natu-El

Sarah is a full-time mum, wife, and nurse on hiatus turned freelance writer. She is on a journey of diving deeper into life through life itself and uses her writing to share the lessons learned along the way. When not on her computer, she enjoys time with her family strolling along the Gold Coast's stunning beaches and captivating hinterland.

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