So you’ve met someone new who gives you butterflies in your stomach?
It’s an exciting feeling, and it can also be confusing.
Are you just infatuated and turned on or are you really interested romantically? Here’s how to tell…
16 undeniable signs you’re romantically attracted to someone
1) You’re not only attracted to their physical beauty
Physical attraction matters, and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying or misleading you.
But romantic feelings aren’t the same thing as being turned on by someone.
Romantic feelings and sexual attraction can certainly coincide, but they aren’t the same.
Romance is about a personal and emotional connection. It’s a fascination and affection for someone that goes far deeper than their outer appearance.
It’s the desire to be around them, share time with them and be part of their life.
It’s caring what they think of you and having strong feelings for them.
Sarah Hosseini puts this well:
“Being physically attracted to the person you have a relationship with, whether it’s a sexual relationship or otherwise, is certainly important.
“If, however, you’re only focused on the dreamy eyes and nice butt it’s probably not love.”
2) You actually want to meet their family and friends
If you’ve ever dated someone you weren’t very into then you know exactly the feeling I’m talking about when they suggested meeting their friends and family.
It’s a kind of sinking feeling in the stomach.
Because deep down you know that your connection with this person isn’t strong and you aren’t that into them.
Meeting those closest to them feels fraudulent, because you feel like you have to play the part of the loyal boyfriend or girlfriend when really you’re already thinking about how to get out.
When you’re romantically interested in someone it’s the exact opposite.
You look forward to the day they introduce you to friends and family.
You want to know and appreciate those closest to them and you hope they’ll like you too.
3) You love to see them smile and laugh
Many relationships and even friendships and family connects have a large transactional element.
You do X for me and I do Y for you.
But when you’re romantically attracted to someone these kinds of calculations aren’t on the books.
You love to do things that make them smile and laugh even during hard times, and you never really think too much about what they do for you.
Of course, this can change if you get into a long-term relationship and begin to notice one person isn’t holding up their side of the relationship.
But when you’re first getting romantic feelings for someone you’re not going to be keeping track of what they do to you.
You’re just going to want to make them feel great.
As the user DigitalTotem writes:
“To me romance is when you feel like doing things for no other reason than to see someone smile or hear them laugh.”
There’s a lot of wisdom in those words!
4) You’re fascinated by looking in their eyes
Love starts in the eyes and grows with more eye contact.
One of the top undeniable signs you’re romantically attracted to someone is that you love looking in their eyes and want to do so as much as possible.
It feels comfortable looking them in the eyes and you don’t get awkward or bored when you do so.
If you’re fascinated by looking in this person’s eyes and feel like you can get lost there for hours, you definitely are developing romantic feelings.
Usually, you’ll notice that you’re attracted to looking in their eyes right away, but other times it will only grow on you slowly as you begin to realize that making eye contact with this person gives you a feeling of romantic excitement.
Pay attention to how you feel when you look in someone’s eyes.
It will tell you a lot about whether you’re romantically interested in them or not.
5) You think of them a lot and have strong emotions
One of the most undeniable signs you’re romantically attracted to someone is that you think about them a lot.
It can mean trouble getting to sleep some days and it can also lead to strong emotions that hit you at the strangest time.
While you’re in the middle of driving to work, when you hear a song that reminds you of them, or when you see a text from them and feel a flood of affection.
It also means that you think highly of this person and hold them in high esteem.
The outward symptoms of starting to have romantic feelings can be pretty intense, but don’t worry…
“You may feel stressed, have heart palpitations, or get a stomachache, but in a good way.
“People in love have higher levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. No need to worry that your butterflies are a bad sign, it’s normal!”
6) You always give them the benefit of the doubt
In daily life, people who let you down or act in unpleasant ways usually cause a big red flag and you stop trusting them.
But one of the clearest and undeniable signs you’re romantically attracted to someone is that you give them the benefit of the doubt where you don’t for others.
If they owe you money, you believe them when they say they just have some issues and need a week to pay you back.
When they cancel on you and you’re supposed to meet, you take them at their word that they’re too busy.
In almost every case, with some exceptions, you’re likely to take the word of somebody you’re interested in.
If they act in a certain way, you’re also likely to brush it off as understandable or at least not a huge deal.
Examples include: seeing them be rude to service staff, hearing them say opinions you find really disagreeable, treating their parents or friends disrespectfully and so on…
Whereas somebody you’re not interested engaging in behavior like this might cause you to intentionally avoid them, similar behavior in somebody you’re romantically attracted to will be unlikely to make you reassess your interest in them.
7) You lose track of time when you’re with them
One of the biggest undeniable signs you’re romantically attracted to someone is that you lose track when you’re with them.
You also lose track of time when you think of them.
They’re basically the fast-forward button. You spend time with them and God only knows what time it will be by the time you check a cell phone, watch or time device of some kind.
It’s the opposite when you’re not romantically interested in someone and not very engaged by them: you notice the time closely and pay attention.
But when you do have feelings for someone you let time take a backseat.
You value time with them more than you value keeping track of time.
That’s just the way it is when you’re getting romantic feelings and falling in love.
“If you are falling in love with someone, chances are, your time with them will go by very quickly,” notes Olivia Petter.
“This is often the case when we’re doing something we enjoy – and spending time with someone we’re falling in love with is no different.”
8) You want to offer them any support they need even when you don’t understand
Another of the undeniable signs you’re romantically attracted to someone is that you want to be there and give them any support they need.
Whether they’re having challenges at work, at home or in any other area, you feel a strong urge to be a shoulder to cry on.
You want to help in any way you can.
The downside of this is that they can manipulate and use you if they’re a bad person.
The upside is that this desire to help and be there for someone can be the foundation for a beautiful relationship in the future.
We all need to become independent and authentic individuals.
But there are also times when we need somebody to lean on.
9) You touch up your appearance around them or before seeing them
Depending on your habits, you may be used to touching up your makeup and clothes prior to meeting someone.
But if you’re generally fairly spontaneous about your appearance in social situations, pay attention to how you act before seeing this person.
Do you do small things like adjust your collar, brush your hair, put on new pants or touch up your makeup when you otherwise wouldn’t?
It’s a classic sign of being attracted to them on a deeper level and hoping they are also interested in you.
Kathleen Esposito talks about this, noting:
“When a person is attracted to you, he or she will want to make a good impression. This can manifest itself in subtle concerns with appearance.
“For example, a woman might brush her hair over her shoulder or a man may straighten his collar or repeatedly check his tie.
“Often the person will do it subconsciously.”
10) You’re curious about their background and childhood
One of the top undeniable signs you’re romantically attracted to someone is that you’re extremely curious about them.
No matter how much they talk about themselves and where they come from, you can’t get enough.
You want to know about their family, their childhood, their beliefs, their challenges and their future ambitions.
There’s just nothing they say that could bore you.
There’s a common idea that two people can only really form a connection when they share the same interests, but I don’t think that’s always the case.
In fact, when you get romantic feelings for someone they could be reading you a cookbook and you’ll feel like it’s the most fascinating thing you’ve ever heard.
But when you don’t have romantic feelings for someone, they could be telling you about wild theories about the universe that will blow your mind and you’d still be bored.
11) You feel like they’re the one you’ve always been looking for
If there’s one thing I could wish for people to have, it’s more trust in their intuition.
Your intuition is finely-tuned and can help guide you toward taking the right steps in life.
When you meet someone and you’re romantically attracted, you’ll know it.
You’ll have a feeling that this person is a fit with you and your life and you’ll want to spend more time with them.
Your intuition will tell you they’re the one you’ve been looking for.
And that’s a special thing.
12) The emotional connection is lasting and powerful
An emotional connection is rare and powerful.
We all have them in varying degrees with the people in our lives.
But an emotional connection that’s truly special and lasting will be intense and overwhelming – in a good way.
You’ll feel this desire and need to be around the person and have a kind of tension mixed with a deep desire.
It’s very much worth pursuing.
“If you feel an emotional connection, it’s romance.
“If you’re not sure what that feels likes, it’s basically when you really, really like someone and it has nothing to do with any tingling feeling in your crotch area.
“You feel attraction to the way they talk, their opinions, and the way their mind works.”
13) You trust them far more than others you know
One of the reasons people can get so hurt in romantic relationships is because such a vulnerable trust is built.
When you’re looking for undeniable signs you’re romantically attracted to someone, look at how much you trust them.
Granted, trusting someone isn’t the same as having feelings for them.
But if you like someone but also think they’re an awful person you wouldn’t trust for five minutes then you have a problem on your hands.
Romance and real attraction always have a bridge of trust that’s being built as well.
Pay attention to see if this is there with the person in question.
14) You want to make physical contact even if it’s just brushing their arm
Another one of the top, most undeniable signs you’re romantically attracted to someone is that you crave their touch.
You want to touch them as well, even if it’s just brushing up against them or letting your fingers linger for a moment when you touch their arm.
You crave their physical presence in a way that’s not just sexual, it’s energetic.
You want to feel their energy and presence near you and soak it up.
It’s far different than just wanting to disrobe and devour them, subtler and more lasting…
“Do you make an effort to touch them? Do you brush up against them or go out of your way to touch their arm or hand when talking?
“If you answered yes, you are probably having romantic feelings.”
15) They have your complete attention and focus
When you have romantic feelings for someone, you’re like an Olympic athlete focused on the race.
Everything other than them can start to fade in importance.
They say love makes people do crazy things and that’s absolutely true.
When you get romantic feelings for someone you start going wild and your mind and emotions tend to be very focused on them.
“Love often brings with it tunnel vision,” Fraley explains.
“Do you ignore other stimuli and focus exclusively on them when you’re together? Do you avoid multitasking, scanning the room or checking your phone in their company?”
16) You just want to be around them as much as possible
Last and perhaps most of all, the biggest sign that you have romantic feelings for someone is that you want to be around them as much as possible.
They don’t bore or annoy you even when they act in exasperating ways, because you’re just so happy to be around them.
If you’ve ever watched someone and their behavior when they start falling for someone then you know what I’m talking about.
They will do almost anything to be with the person they’re interested in.
“People who are into you romantically will find any way to spend time with you.
“This includes running errands with you, hanging out with you, and going on planned outings together.
“If you have someone in your life who loves going on mundane errand runs with you, they may be attracted to you.”
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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