Pearl Nash
It’s normal to go through periods when you feel happier with yourself…
…Just like we can go through phases where we feel less than happy with our lives.
If you’re trying to identify where you’re at, these are 13 of the warning signs that suggest you’re not all that happy.
But the good news is that this doesn’t need to be how things are forever.
1) You feel like you’re not enough
A big telltale sign that you’re not happy with yourself is that you simply feel like you’re not enough.
No matter what you do or even if people tell you that you’re great, you’ll never believe that you’re actually enough if you’re not happy with yourself.
You could have all of the achievements in the world, but if you’re not happy with yourself and what you’ve produced, you’ll feel like what you’ve done isn’t actually enough.
Therapist Marisa Peer, who teaches people to work with the affirmation “I am enough”, often tells a story about a client of hers who had won an Oscar yet they felt like they weren’t enough… Because they weren’t happy with themselves!
Simply put, they couldn’t enjoy their successes, as their deep-set belief was a negative one about themselves.
On the other hand, you’ll likely be able to enjoy the things you achieve in life if you’re happy with yourself.
Simply put, you’ll feel like you’re good enough and deserving of the achievements you’ve received!
Think: less imposter syndrome and more celebration for yourself!
2) You feel like you’re a victim of your circumstances
A sign that you’re not happy with yourself can be that you feel as though you’re a victim of your circumstances.
By this, I mean you feel as though everything isn’t working out for you and that the world is out to get you.
For example, you might feel like things just don’t go your way and that you’ve been hard done by in this life!
Meanwhile, someone who feels happy about themselves wouldn’t feel as though they are a victim of the circumstances…
…Instead, they would remind themselves that they have the power to change anything about their lives that isn’t serving them.
Rather than feeling like they’re shortchanged by life, a person who is happy about themselves will generally have a sunnier disposition where they look for opportunities and see lessons in situations.
3) You feel like your life is task-driven
If you feel as though your life is task-driven and it lacks any definite purpose, it might signal that you’re not very happy about yourself.
Sure, we have to sometimes do things we don’t want to do – from errands around the house to particular jobs – but you shouldn’t feel like your entire life is just task-driven.
It’s necessary to feel like you have a purpose and a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Check in with yourself if you’re feeling like your life is just dictated by tasks that you don’t really want to do…
…Because, it might indicate that you’re not happy with where you’re at right now if this is the case!
4) You don’t feel like you belong
We are social animals – and even if you feel like you’re more of an introvert than an extrovert, we still need human connection and to feel like we belong!
What’s more, we shouldn’t feel like we don’t belong and that something is wrong with us, which is why we don’t fit in.
If you find yourself feeling like you don’t belong – and that you’re not worthy of belonging – then it is a definite warning sign that you’re not happy with yourself.
You see, we shouldn’t feel like we don’t belong with other humans.
Generally speaking, our default should be a belief that there is a sense of oneness amongst us all and that we all deserve to enjoy connections with other people…
…Because we do!
Truth is, people who are happy with themselves believe that they are worthy of human connection and they would never tell themselves that they don’t belong.
Instead, they would be open to all of the possible connections that are always presenting themselves.
Simply put, they would see a sense of abundance when it comes to connections, as opposed to a feeling of lack.
5) You find yourself judging others
Let’s not beat around the bush:
People who judge others are not happy with themselves.
You see, if someone feels like it’s necessary to judge and put down another person, it often comes from a place of not feeling good enough themselves…
The act of putting down another is in order to make them feel better about themselves.
Maybe it’s a comment about someone’s appearance or their career choice, or just simply how they choose to live their life in a more ‘unconventional’ way. The list could go on…
But why does someone who’s not happy with themselves do this?
Simply, by highlighting another person’s shortcomings and failures, a person who doesn’t feel good about themselves might feel slightly better in that moment.
They might feel as though they’re not so rubbish after all, because this person has all of these problems.
Truth is, judging others doesn’t do any good for anyone… It ultimately doesn’t get you anyway if you don’t feel happy about yourself.
In fact, you’ll likely feel bad about yourself for having judged another person.
6) You’re unable to dream
People who are unhappy with themselves often feel like they have a black cloud following them around.
It’s not uncommon to hear people who are unhappy talking about feeling a sense of heaviness and as though they can’t shake the darkness off.
Now, the last thing people who feel like this can do is dream.
They will struggle to dream about what their future holds and what sort of things they could do with their lives.
Given that they struggle to see anything positive and to just make it through the day without feeling overcome with the heaviness of life, the last thing they can do is dream.
You see, when someone dreams, it comes from an inspired place… Where they feel happy and excited about life and its possibilities.
However, people who are not happy with themselves will struggle to arrive at this place because they’re so overcome with feeling the weight of the world all of the time.
7) You frequently numb yourself
Many people aren’t aware of how much and often they numb themselves.
Numbing can take the form of so many different things – from drugs and alcohol, to sex and relationships, television and food.
In other words, distracting yourself and filling a hole in your life can be considered a form of numbing yourself.
As I say, many people aren’t even aware that they’re doing it.
But it’s a warning sign that someone isn’t happy with themselves.
Truth is, the more someone numbs, the more it suggests that something isn’t right in their life… And that they don’t feel happy about things.
Be honest with yourself about how much you numb yourself each day, and make a list of the different activities you do that might be considered numbing.
For example, do you watch television every day? Do you smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol? Do you binge eat junk food?
All of these things will point to perhaps not being all that happy with yourself if so.
It’s up to you to be honest with yourself about where your happiness is at!
8) You feel chronically worried
We all can feel a little bit worried every now and then.
But there’s a big difference between being slightly worried about something and being chronically worried.
Chronic worrying can be all-consuming: you can feel like you can’t think about anything but your worries.
If you’re in this place, it could be an indication that you’re not happy with yourself.
I’ve been there:
In my experience, I’ve worried about the decisions I’m making and whether people are going to judge me for them to the point of feeling paralyzed by worries.
You see because I didn’t feel happy with myself and my decisions, I worried extensively…
…But it didn’t get me anywhere and it caused me to go round in circles.
9) You often feel pessimistic
People who aren’t happy with themselves wouldn’t be described as ‘glass half-full’ kinds of people…
…Instead, when you’re unhappy you see the world through a ‘glass half empty’ lens.
You see, rather than feeling optimistic about life and all the opportunities around us, people who are unhappy tend to be far more pessimistic.
Generally speaking, they can feel far more negative about situations and they struggle to see the positives.
When I was unhappy with myself, I couldn’t see anything worthwhile and I constantly saw the issues in situations…
…Rather than the chances for growth and learning, which I see when I’m in a happy state.
10) You feel that you don’t matter
It’s a clear warning sign that you’re not happy with yourself if your mind has taken you to a place of feeling like you don’t matter.
Truth is, you do matter!
We all matter; we are all important and we all have a place in the world.
In fact, we all add much more value than we realize that we do.
So if you feel yourself thinking that you don’t matter, it’s important that you don’t accept this thought as the truth.
Take it as a signal that you need to prioritize your mental health and to spend time with people you love…
…This will help boost your self-esteem, and sense of purpose and place.
11) You look forward to feeling happy one day
Are you someone who finds yourself thinking ‘I’ll be happy when…’
If this answer is ‘yes’, it suggests that you’re clearly not happy with the present moment.
What’s more, if you’re thinking that you need certain things to happen or be in place to be happy, it might be that you believe happiness is outside of you and dependent on your circumstances.
But this isn’t true!
For example, moving to a new location, buying a new car or meeting a romantic partner can all add value to our lives in different ways…
…And offer a sense of happiness or relief from our circumstances.
Yet they are not the answer to our happiness.
For long-lasting happiness, we need to cultivate it within and be reliant only on ourselves for it!
12) You’re struggling to sleep
If we’re in a good place within ourselves, we should be able to fall asleep as soon as our head hits the pillow.
But, in my experience, when I’ve been stressed and not in a good place, I’ve tossed and turned for hours and had an awful night’s sleep.
I’ve lay there and wondered why things are the way they are, before huffing and feeling frustrated.
It’s how it is when your head is busy and you’re not feeling happy in yourself.
If this is the case for you: it could point to the fact you’re not feeling very happy about where things are at.
The best thing you can do is to talk about things with others in the morning, and to start working through these thoughts…
…There will be a resolution and steps you can take to change how you’re feeling!
13) You’re surrounded by unhappy people
There’s a saying that we are the sum of the people around us.
As in, we become like the people we spend the most amount of time with.
That’s to say: people rub off on each other and end up influencing one another.
What’s more, we also seek out people who are at a similar place to us.
So look closely at the people around you: if you’re surrounded by people who are miserable and hate life, don’t just accept it for what it is…
…Consider why you’ve chosen to spend time with them and the effect they’re having on you!
In a world of eight billion people, there will be others who are positive and uplifting and can help you see the world in a beautiful way.
