10 signs you’re not a “people-pleaser”, you’re just a kind person

Some people say that you’re “too nice” as if it’s a bad thing. At times it can almost make you feel like you’re an ass kisser or a pushover.

But you know what? That’s absolutely ridiculous.

You’re not a “people-pleaser”, you’re actually just a genuinely kind person.

Allow me to tell you why exactly.

1) You don’t give a damn about praise

The thing with people-pleasers is that whatever good they do, they do it with an ulterior motive. That motive is often the need to have attention or recognition of some kind.

What makes you different is that you don’t care for that at all.

Like sure, getting thanked will brighten up your day but you don’t do acts of kindness merely for the praise. Instead, you do it because you want to brighten up someone else’s day, or simply make them a little bit happier.

If nothing else, you feel awkward and perhaps a little uncomfortable when someone thanks you a bit too enthusiastically. You’re not some celebrity or saint, after all—you’re just someone trying to help.

2) Your inside matches your outside

Another sign that you’re not just being kind to impress other people is that your intentions match your actions.

For example, you do your job well not to mooch up to your boss but because you simply believe it’s your duty to do your best at whatever task is thrown at you. You may even consider it one of your core principles.

When you reach out to a friend you haven’t talked to in a while, it’s not because you want to sell them something or you don’t want to be labeled a “bad friend”. No, you simply want to catch up with a friend you’ve drifted from—plain and simple.

Nobody has to second guess what your intentions are, because whatever people see is what you intend.

3) You’ve always cared about others

You’re just a naturally caring person, and if only people knew you the last thing they’d ever do is accuse you of being a “people pleaser.”

You’ve always had a soft heart towards those who need help, and the very act of making others happy—even if it’s as simple as baking them a cupcake for their birthday—gives you joy.

Your parents, friends, and everyone who knows you can attest that you’re not just doing it because you want to get validation from others, you do it because it’s who you are!

4) You’re not scared to speak up

People like to make assumptions. And an assumption they’ve probably made is that because you’re nice and kind, you must also be a pushover.

Of course, the moment they try to push you they’ll quickly learn that’s far from the case. You might rather placate and negotiate when you can, but you aren’t afraid to push back and speak up when you need to.

For example, when someone speaks over you thinking that you’ll just take it sitting down simply because you’re “nice”, you will have no reservations about calling them out.

Because of this, you’re clearly not someone who does things just to please others. You do acts of kindness because well, you’re a kind person. And not because you’re just pressured to do so.

5) You’re not worried if others won’t like you

As mentioned before, you’re not afraid of confronting people or sharing your opinion even if it means people might not like you for it.

But you don’t just stop there.

You don’t dress up in fancy wear just to impress people, for example. And if your friends ask something of you that you don’t like, you’re not going to say “yes” just to stay in their good graces.

And that’s because you’re simply not that concerned about whether people will like you or not.

You understand that there really is no way you can just control what other people think of you, and just as there will be people who like you, there would also be those who will despise you.

And to be perfectly fair, as far as you’re not harming anyone, whatever you say or do is none—absolutely NONE— of their business.

If you find yourself nodding in agreement while reading this, chances are you’re not a people-pleaser, you’re genuinely kind.

6) You’re an empath

The term “empath” gets thrown around here and there, and it can be easy to forget sometimes what it’s all about.

An empath is simply a person who is sensitive to the emotions of the people around them. They’re miserable when surrounded by miserable people, and happy when the people around them are happy.

Because of that, they will naturally care a lot for how other people feel, sometimes at a detriment to themselves.

And in your case, your empathy for the people around you has you living your life wanting to help out the people you meet on the way simply because you want to.

You try to listen to people—especially the downtrodden—and try to understand them simply because you want to.

7) You’re actually not powerless

It’s understandable if people assume you’re just a “people pleaser” if you’re powerless—say, you’re at the bottom of the food chain in your company. Being at the bottom compels us to lick the boots of those above us just to stay.

However, you’re actually not at all powerless.

Maybe you’re a CEO, or you’re doing well in your career and your finances, or you’re a minor celebrity in your own circles.

And yet…you’re still doing acts of kindness like it’s your job.

Well, chances are, you’re not just a people pleaser. Why would you need people’s approval if you’re already okay with where you are anyway?

No, more likely than not, you’re simply a genuinely good person.

8) You’re quite the rebel

You don’t follow the herd.

You’re not really the type who simply follows what everyone else is doing and does things because it’s what’s expected of them.

In fact, you take pride in being different.

And because of this independent, rebellious streak of yours, you can claim that you aren’t doing things to please others—especially not in doing kind deeds!—and that your kindness is indeed genuine.

If anything, you abhor people who pretend to be nice for their own benefit and so you try with all your might to be genuinely kind.

9) You don’t use “kindness” to get ahead in life

Some people do kind deeds to get favors.

Some compliment their colleagues so they’ll get perks later on. Some give food to their neighbors so they can later sell them some beauty products.

You can sense these people from a mile away and they are the ones who usually have these “people pleasing” vibes. You can see it in the way they look at you, the way they talk, and how grand they express their acts of kindness.

And you really hate them for giving kindness a bad name.

Because of this, you try your best to be a good example of what it is to be genuinely kind—and that is by not expecting anything in return.

10) You genuinely believe the world could use a little kindness

Sometimes you would read about all the hate and suffering in the world and wish that the world was just a little bit more kind.

You would think things like “If only these hateful people understood how bad they are being!” and “It would be nice if everyone understood one another.”

The suffering of others truly pains you, and it’s for this reason that when you try to do something good with what you have, it always comes off as heartfelt and genuine… because you are!

Last words

People-pleasers and genuinely nice people might be easy to mistake for one another at a glance, and there’s no real way to deal with people who might assume the worst out of you.

That said, if you were to look deeply into yourself the distinction is quite clear.

People-pleasers do good things for the sake of personal gain, while genuinely nice people will do good things without needing to be prompted about it.

The accusations might come—and let them!—because what matters is who you are deep inside and what convictions you might have.

Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope.

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