Pearl Nash
Kindness is one of those things that are becoming a rarity in this dog-eat-dog world.
If you’re one of those people actively doing their part to make the world a kinder place to be, you are being a part of the shift.
But have you ever wondered if your kindness could be deeper than surface level?
Here are 10 signs you’re kinder than the average person, according to psychology.
1) You care so much about fairness
Some people seem kind because they’re not argumentative and they’re so careful with their words.
But this is being nice, not kindness, per se.
If you argue (with diplomacy), and you don’t mince words but you care deeply about fairness, then you’re likely kinder than the average person.
A kind person isn’t truly kind unless they care about equality.
Ask yourself:
- Do you feel uneasy when someone’s being treated unfairly?
- Do you defend others who are suffering and marginalized?
- Do you treat others fairly even if you don’t like some of them?
If you answer YES to all three, then you’re a gift to mankind because you’re kinder than the average person.
2) You actively seek out opportunities to be kind
Do you love to donate?
Do you love to be part of a bigger cause?
Do you reach out to people in need to ask “How can I support you?”
Then you’re likely kinder than the average person.
Proactive individuals are prone to actively seek out opportunities to be kind even when there are no clear cues for help (Warneken, 2013).
People with above average kindness levels often see things others don’t see and actively support even before they are asked.
They’ll slow down and match their pace with a disabled or elderly person crossing the road.
They’ll be the first to set up a soup kitchen during a disaster in a neighboring town.
While other people watch the news and then move on, you’re actively finding ways on how to actually help.
3) You offer help without needing to be asked
There’s a quote from the TV series Desperate Housewives that sticks with me till today, “Good friends offer to help in a crisis; great friends don’t take no for an answer.”
The root of this above average kindness is empathy.
According to research by Eisenberg and Eggum, “empathy for a person in need is a precursor to behavior to alleviate that person’s suffering.”
Offering help to a friend in crisis and not taking no for an answer is based on knowing how it feels to be in need of help and being ashamed to ask for support.
While people will watch someone in obvious need of support without offering help, or will help and then easily back off when they decline, those of above average kindness know better.
These are the people who will offer to lend a friend money with a pay when you are able because they know their friend is going through a medical health emergency and their capacity to work is affected.
And these are the friends who will drop off cooked food and supplies by the door for a friend who recently had an accident or surgery even when they said they are okay.
4) You’re open-minded
You can be polite and generous, but if you’re not open-minded, then your kindness could just be average.
To be above average level of kind means to be appreciative, understanding, and tolerant of others.
Ask yourself:
- Do you listen to (and try your best to understand) the people who think differently from you?
- Do you withhold judgments and give people the benefit of the doubt?
- Do you feel capable of having friendships with people of different beliefs (religious, political etc.) from yours?
If you answer YES to all three, then you’re definitely kinder than the average person.
5) You believe people are generally good
According to psychology, who we are reflects how we think about others.
In other words, if we think people are generally good, that’s likely because we consider ourselves generally good (or kind).
So do you think your grumpy professor is just stressed, and that deep down he’s actually kind?
Do you think that the rebel kid is just misunderstood, and that she’s actually just in need of guidance and support?
Being able to see the goodness in people despite their imperfections is a rare gift for some and a conscious choice and effort for others.
With such a compassionate stance, you are definitely kinder than average.
6) You don’t think you’re more superior than others
While people can be kind to their peers, the above average kind person is kind to everyone because they don’t look at people with a ranking of who is better than them or beneath them.
And because of this perspective, they treat everyone with genuine kindness.
They will greet a street sweeper with the same courtesy as the mayor of the town, and they will offer support to a stranger and a friend as far as they’re able.
While many people perform acts of kindness with a feeling of superiority and pity, this just isn’t your thing.
You are aware that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses and we all need support in different forms!
This down to earth humility and respect you have for others are marks of what makes you above average in the kindness department.
7) You care about how you affect others emotionally
Some people have good intentions but are assh*les.
I have an aunt who says awful things to your face but helps you when you’re in need anyway. I don’t like her one bit.
Then there’s the brand of “tough love” people are so proud of these days.
As long as they helped, it doesn’t matter to them how they’re affecting the emotional state of the person.
Because of this, they’re not too careful with their words, nor their actions.
Are they kind?
Perhaps. Because they do care about others.
But if you’re the kind of person who has good intentions AND you have the sensitivity and mindfulness to be considerate with people’s feelings, then you’re one-of-a-kind.
8) You give without expecting anything in return
Many people wave the cash before they put it in the donation box.
Some people “help” so they can ask favors later in return.
Or post a lot of pictures about the charities they are helping out because it gives them a sort of high to be seen and recognized.
But you don’t care about any of that. You never think of kindness as a way to leverage your life.
You’re helping others because you actually care about them and not just because you want to feel good.
And that makes you kinder than the average person.
9) You’d rather be “naive” than unkind
Many people have the opportunity to be kind…and yet, they walk away because they’re conditioned that it’s naive and even wrong to do so.
When a colleague borrows $20 from you, you don’t think, “ They’ll abuse my kindness.”
A beggar asks for spare change and you don’t swerve away nor see them as “lazy opportunists.”
People of above average kindness don’t mind appearing naive or stupid when someone is asking for help, especially when it’s something that is within their capacity.
They give what they can and ‘lend’ the amount of money they are capable of without expectation it will be returned.
While they are very intentional about who to support with their resources and energy, for the above average kind person, it’s better to err on the side of kindness.
10) You’re kind to yourself
Do you notice that people who are critical of themselves are critical of others?
Do you notice that hurt people tend to hurt others?
That’s no coincidence.
And it applies to kindness, too.
According to psychology, people with self-compassion are more likely to help out others in need.
Why?
When you are able to extend kindness and understanding to yourself, you can be more compassionate with others as well.
So how’s your self compassion?
Do you comfort yourself when you make mistakes?
Do you cheer yourself up when you’re feeling down?
Are you generally gentle with yourself?
If you say yes to all three, then it won’t be a surprise that you’re kinder than the average person.
Final words
While kindness is in no way a competition, I believe we can all agree that having more of it in our daily lives and interactions creates a nurturing environment for us all.
If you realize that you didn’t check out most of the signs of being kinder than the average person, don’t worry!
Kindness, just like love, grows infinitely.
And if you’re one of those who ticked almost all these signs, no matter what happens, don’t ever change nor doubt your positive impact on others.
With more people like you leading by example and inspiring others, the levels of kindness are bound to rise.
