8 signs you’re in love with someone who is very bad for you

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Falling in love can feel like you’re soaring among the clouds, right? But what if I told you that sometimes, those clouds are stormy, and what feels like flying is actually falling?

I know, it sounds dramatic. But hear me out.

You’ve probably had those moments where you’re drawn to someone so intensely, it’s all-consuming. You think about them constantly, and when you’re with them, it feels like nothing else matters.

But then, there are those nagging feelings. The arguments that never seem to resolve, the apologies that come too often or not at all, and that sinking feeling that you’re losing yourself in the process.

Sound familiar? You’re not alone.

Many of us have found ourselves in love with someone who, frankly, isn’t good for us. And it’s tough to admit, especially when our feelings are so strong.

But recognizing the signs? That’s the first step toward healthier relationships and self-love.

So let’s dive in. Maybe you’ll see something you recognize, or maybe you’ll learn something new. 

Either way, I’m here to walk through this with you. 

1) Your happiness depends on them

I remember a time when my day’s mood would swing like a pendulum, entirely based on how much attention or affection I received from them. 

On good days, when texts were exchanged like a ping-pong match and compliments flew my way, I was on cloud nine.

But let a day go by without a message, or worse, a day filled with short, disinterested replies, and I’d plummet into doubt and sadness. 

It took me a while to realize that my happiness had become a hostage to someone else’s whims.

It’s one thing to share joy with someone, but another entirely when your emotional well-being is tied up in their hands. 

If you find your mood is more about them and less about you, it might be time to question why.

2) They’re your everything

At first, wanting to spend every waking moment with someone seems romantic, right?

It did to me. They were my partner, best friend, confidant, and the first person I wanted to share any news with. 

But then I noticed something alarming—I couldn’t remember the last time I made plans without considering them first or the last time I pursued an interest just for me. My world had shrunk, and it was all revolving around them

Friends started to fade into the background, hobbies gathered dust, and even my goals seemed to align more with “us” than “me.” This merging of lives can feel like love, but in reality, it’s a sign that boundaries are blurring. 

Love should add to your life, not become it.

3) You ignore the red flags

It’s fascinating how the human brain can be wired to overlook negative aspects in favor of the positive, especially when emotions are involved. 

This psychological phenomenon, known as cognitive dissonance, plays a significant role in relationships where one partner may not be good for the other. 

Despite friends pointing out inconsistencies in their behavior, or even when you’ve caught them in lies or manipulative tactics yourself, there’s a part of you that justifies these actions or downplays their importance. 

You tell yourself they’re under a lot of stress, or you focus on the “good times” to overshadow the bad. This tendency to excuse or ignore red flags is often a subconscious effort to maintain the relationship, despite clear evidence it may be harmful. 

Recognizing this pattern is crucial in understanding why we sometimes stay in relationships that aren’t good for us.

4) Your self-esteem has taken a hit

In the quiet moments, when the world fades away and it’s just your thoughts for company, you might realize that the person you are now is a shadow of who you used to be. 

It’s as though each criticism, each dismissive comment, has chipped away at the core of your self-esteem. You find yourself questioning your worth, not just in the relationship but in every aspect of your life. 

The dreams you once pursued with relentless optimism now seem out of reach, not because they are, but because you’ve been led to believe you’re not capable or deserving

Love should make you feel like you can conquer the world together, not leave you feeling unworthy of any victory. 

Remembering that your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth is the first step towards reclaiming your confidence and self-esteem.

5) You’re always the one making sacrifices

Looking back, I can see a pattern that I was all too willing to ignore for far too long. It was always me adjusting my schedule, compromising my needs, or shelving my plans to fit into their life. 

At first, it felt like what you do for love—sacrifices that seemed to bring us closer. But over time, I began to realize that this street was decidedly one-way

There were countless dinners missed because they were ‘too busy’, and plans canceled last minute with barely an apology. I told myself it was just the ebb and flow of a relationship, but deep down, I knew it wasn’t right. 

It’s one thing to be flexible and supportive, but it’s another to constantly set aside your own life for someone else’s convenience. The moment you find yourself always on the giving end of sacrifices, it might be time to reassess the balance in your relationship. 

True love is a two-way street, with both partners willing to make compromises.

6) Your friends and family have expressed concern

It’s often said that love is blind, and sometimes that blindness makes us overlook the concerns of those who know us best. 

Initially, I brushed off my friends’ and family’s worries as misunderstanding or not seeing the full picture of my relationship. However, as time passed, the frequency and intensity of their concerns began to weigh on me. 

People who had been by my side through thick and thin were now unanimously voicing their unease about how this person was affecting me. It wasn’t about minor dislikes or differences in personality; it was a deep worry for my well-being and happiness. 

Those who truly care for you have no other agenda than your happiness. Their perspectives can offer a clearer view of your situation, unclouded by emotions.

It’s worth considering their insights, not as criticism, but as another form of love and care.

7) You feel trapped

There’s a subtle shift that happens when a relationship goes from being a source of happiness to a cage. It’s not always noticeable at first—like slowly turning up the heat until you’re boiling without realizing it. 

I found myself justifying staying in the relationship because I feared the unknown of leaving more than the pain of staying. Thoughts like “better the devil you know” became my silent mantra. 

But here’s the thing: Love shouldn’t feel like a trap.

Feeling scared to leave or believing that you can’t find someone better is a sign that you’re not in a healthy relationship. True love encourages growth, not confinement.

8) It’s emotionally draining

Love should be your safe harbor—a place of comfort and recharge, not depletion. Yet, there were days when I felt like I was running on empty, emotionally speaking. 

The constant ups and downs, walking on eggshells, and trying to mend what was broken left me drained. Instead of feeling uplifted after spending time together, I felt more exhausted than before. 

Your emotional energy is precious; it’s what allows you to connect with people, pursue your passions, and enjoy life.

If being with someone consistently leaves you drained, it might be time to ask yourself why.

Conclusion

Recognizing these signs isn’t easy, especially when you’re deeply in love with someone who might not be good for you. It requires honesty with yourself and sometimes facing some uncomfortable truths. 

But remember, acknowledging these signs is a step towards prioritizing your happiness and well-being—something everyone deserves. 

Love should make you feel valued, respected, and free. If your relationship checks more boxes on this list than not, it might be an indication to reevaluate and consider seeking support from friends, family, or professionals. 

You’re not alone, and stepping away from what hurts you is also an act of self-love.

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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