Paul Brian
How much does your partner truly “get you?”
Answering this question is key to determining the value and potential of your relationship.
Here are the signs that your partner genuinely understands and appreciates you, quirks and all.
1) They listen to you
The truly loving and understanding partner actually listens to you.
This is no small thing, and if you’ve ever been with a person who doesn’t listen to you then you know how important being heard can be.
It’s not just that your partner hears the words coming out of your mouth.
It’s that they practice deep listening and can tell why you’re talking about something beyond the purely surface reasons.
I’m not saying they’re a mind reader, but they can read a bit below the surface to hear what you’re truly saying, or trying to say.
2) They know what motivates you
Having a partner who truly gets you is truly refreshing.
They not only hear what you’re saying and listen actively, they also know what motivates you.
The two of you have had deep talks and opened up to each other about your childhood, about your experiences, about your values.
As such, they are aware of what motivates you and what drives you:
The good, the bad and the ugly.
3) They support your dreams
There are so many people out there willing to downplay your dreams or tell you why they’re not realistic.
The partner who truly gets you is the opposite:
He or she will tell you when you need a reality check, but at the end of the day they believe in your dreams, too, and they encourage you.
There are countless stories from history of exactly this, and every family has them, too.
A man or woman is struggling and their partner tells them not to give up the fight and not to forget about their dreams.
This is often the magic ingredient that’s needed to keep those dreams alive.
4) They understand your fears
How much does your partner understand your fears?
A partner who gets you for real knows what you’re really scared of and is understanding about that.
He or she doesn’t focus on those fears, but they are empathetic about them.
For example, if you have issues with large crowds they understand your hesitation in wanting to go to a large concert they want to go to.
Related: 9 traits of people who are genuinely happy in life
5) They get your nonverbal cues
A partner who truly gets you is one who relates to you on a deep emotional level.
You can feel your connection to them on a deep level and you’ve also had so many deep conversations that you know they understand a great deal.
They don’t only get what you say, they also pick up on your nonverbal cues:
Your sigh of exhaustion when you’re out at an event and tired of it, your excitement when somebody raises a topic you find very interesting, and so on.
Not every partner picks up on nonverbal cues, so this is a great thing!
It also ties into the next point…
6) They can sense your mood
A partner who understands you can sense your mood.
They also know when to try their best to pick you up and get you in a better mood or when to give you some space and time to work through things.
The fact that you may be in an irritated or sad mood doesn’t necessarily mean it’s their job to change that, in other words.
In fact, the idea of fixing someone or ensuring they’re always the way you want them to be leads directly to codependence.
A partner who truly gets you knows how to strike the balance between being there for you and being on your side while also allowing you to have your own emotional life and moods that aren’t always their business or in their control.
This relates to the next point of what an understanding partner does…
7) They give you space when you need it
Everybody in a relationship has times when they just need some space.
The partner who truly gets you doesn’t take this personally and doesn’t feel rejected if you need some space.
In fact, they’re open about their occasional need for space as well.
This level of emotional maturity and empathy is highly beneficial to relationships and leads to them lasting.
8) They can see when you’re going through something
When your partner is going through something especially difficult or a big transition in their life, chances are that you are attuned to that.
The same goes from their perspective:
An understanding partner sees when you’re going through a lot and need some extra help.
They can see when you’re on an up and when you’re on a down.
And they also know how to be a comforting and reassuring presence without becoming patronizing or turning into your therapist.
No partner can ever “fix” your life or your challenges, but they can be there for you as you go through it.
9) They’re emotionally considerate
A partner who truly gets you is emotionally considerate.
He or she deals with conflicts and fights by looking for common ground and trying to understand more about the roots of the disagreement.
You feel like you can open up around your partner because you feel they are really on your side and not judging you or looking for an excuse to break up with you.
As licensed counselor Kristin Rosenthal writes:
“Kindness and the intent to understand can still work.
“Kindness works for problem solving just like it did in the learning phase about each other.
“Most likely, we haven’t shared our pain in a way that our partner can understand and help with, if he or she only knew.”
10) They know when to give you a push
Understanding and high quality partners know when to give you space and let you work things out on your own.
But they also know when to give you a push.
They can see when you have more gas left in the tank, whether you can see it or not.
For this reason, a partner who truly gets you won’t always be the one who is chill and constantly agrees with you.
In fact, they’ll often be the one who’s encouraging you to reach a higher level and your full potential or to go for it on a project you’re on the fence about.
11) They admit their own shortcomings
Every relationship is a two-way street.
There is no replacement for a partner who’s self-aware and admits their own shortcomings.
Somebody who truly gets you is going to be willing to also truly get themselves, and this means the less positive and pleasant parts of themselves as well as the upsides.
For that reason, a partner who truly gets you will be willing to admit when they fall short or when they themselves are struggling.
12) They let you be yourself
When you’re in a relationship where your partner really gets you they let you be yourself.
This isn’t to say that you do literally anything you want and they don’t care.
Any partner wants some back-and-forth and engagement in their significant other’s life.
But a partner who really gets you is willing to let you be free. They don’t feel the need to possess or control you, because they love you and not just an idea of you or their own version of you.
This often makes all the difference between a fulfilling, love-filled connection and a shallow, toxic relationship like the kind which also occur all too often.
Quality over quantity
Having one partner who truly gets you is priceless.
Physical beauty, social status, financial resources, and past partners who didn’t get you all pale in comparison.
Relationships are not all equally worth pursuing.
The truth is that quality is always worth much more than quantity.
