Alexandra Plesa
You’re head over heels for someone new.
They’re exciting, attractive, funny, and they make your heart skip a beat.
But are they self-sufficient?
If you’ve been burned in the past, you might be wary of jumping into a relationship with someone whose entire existence is chaos.
After all, an unstable and immature significant other can wreak havoc in your life.
For those craving stability, doing a bit of investigative work in the early stages of the romance can save you plenty of headaches in the long run.
Here are 6 signs you’re in a relationship with someone who genuinely has their life together (according to psychology).
Give yourself some peace of mind.
1) They have a tentative life plan
Research found that setting goals is linked to higher motivation and that goal-setting and success are deeply connected.
Based on this logic, I would argue that your partner knowing what they want to do with their life is a sign in the right direction.
Planning for the future demonstrates a level of responsibility.
It shows that your partner thinks about their long-term well-being and is not just drifting through life.
Granted, it can take a while to figure out what you want to do, and life plans can change depending on circumstances.
But if you want to assess your new boo’s maturity, ask them about their dreams and what they are doing to achieve them.
Their answer will shed light on how driven and organized they are.
2) They are financially responsible
Money isn’t everything.
That said, it’s difficult to live a good life if you’re permanently stressed about financial matters.
In my early 20s, I couldn’t care less about how much money my dates made.
I used to earn little and I knew that the most important things in life couldn’t be bought with a credit card.
I still believe that now, in my mid-30s, but I also understand how stressful it is to be with someone who lacks any sort of financial control.
While I continue to care little about the amount of money someone I date makes, I pay attention to how they spend.
If they purchase extravagant things they can’t afford, for instance, it’s worrisome.
Money is a common source of conflict for couples, according to psychology, so it’s a good idea to see where your partner stands when it comes to wallet-related concerns.
Red flags to look for include:
- Significant debt (with no plan to repay it)
- Irresponsible spending habits
- Reluctance to discuss financial stuff altogether (if they are secretive, there’s probably a reason for it)
- Gambling issues
- Shopping addiction
I’m not saying your new partner should provide a breakdown of their budget and savings account.
However, you should broach the subject when the relationship gets serious.
Their attitude towards finances can speak volumes about how together their life is.
3) They take care of themselves
Another sign that your partner is well-adjusted is that they know how to care for themselves.
Self-care is linked to optimism and improved mental health, according to psychology.
Being with someone who relies on you too much, on the other hand, is a lot to take on.
Ideally, your partner should be comfortable spending time alone and should engage in activities that recharges and centers them.
Also, they should respect their own boundaries and the boundaries of others.
You can figure out whether they see self-care as a priority by asking about hobbies and interests outside of work.
Additionally, pay attention to their hygiene and routine.
Both tell you a lot about whether you’re dating someone who has their life together.
4) They know themselves
Being self-aware reflects a level of introspection and personal growth, hallmarks of having your life together.
People with self-awareness see themselves clearly and have a better idea of what they want from relationships.
In fact, studies found that people who understand themselves tend to be happier and more committed in the context of romantic entanglements.
It’s easy to figure out why: they did the hard work to recognize and address their strengths and shortcomings.
Self-reflection pays off, enabling them to empathize with others, communicate effectively, and navigate conflicts constructively.
When you start dating someone, it’s challenging to asses their level of self-awareness.
Still, there are things you can look for:
- How they talk about past relationships (if they failed because all their exes are crazy, there is no self-awareness in sight)
- How they talk about past mistakes and areas for improvement
- How they react to suggestions and constructive criticism
- How much effort they put into understanding different perspectives
On a similar note, being self-aware entails successfully managing emotions.
Notice how your partner manages their emotions, particularly during stressful situations.
If they keep their cool, awesome!
If they throw a tantrum, not so much.
5) They keep their word
A person who consistently follows through on their promises and commitments is reliable. Exactly how a partner should be.
According to psychology, keeping promises is considered a measure of one’s worth.
A reflection of honesty.
People who have their life together typically hold themselves to high moral standards and strive to act with integrity.
By honoring their commitments, they show accountability for their choices.
They understand the importance of taking responsibility for their promises and the impact their actions may have on others.
Think back on whether your partner’s actions match their words.
Do they show up when they say they will?
Do they complete tasks they’ve agreed to take on?
Do they apologize when they hurt or offend you?
If the answer to all these questions is affirmative, all is well.
6) They strive to improve
I saw a study recently stating that 92% of American adults prefer to date someone who has been to therapy.
The study also showed that 50% of respondents considered it attractive if the topic of therapy came up during the first date.
I’m no expert, but I would venture that a big reason behind this is that going to therapy means you’re striving to improve.
It’s not enough to have your life together, you need to keep it like that through challenges and rough patches and bad times.
You’ll occasionally fail.
When that happens, it’s crucial to *want* to make an effort to get back on your feet.
Having that grit and working to become better should be incredibly appealing to any partner out there.
Next time you hang out with your boo, ask them about a time when life threw them a curveball and they had to course correct.
Also, ask them if there’s anything they are currently doing to improve their circumstances.
Maybe they’re learning a new skill.
Starting a new workout regimen.
Reading a self-development book.
Anything in this vein shows a growth mindset.
Their life I likely as together as it can be.
Bottom line
No one has their life together 100% of the time.
But if you recognize at least a few of the signs above in your new boo, they’re in a good place.
There’s no need to evict the butterflies in your stomach.
Your new partner seems like a bona fide catch.
