15 signs you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust you

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They say that trust is one of the firm foundations of any healthy relationship.

It’s how we feel safe and secure, allowing us to open up.

Without it, your relationship can quickly take a nosedive.

Here are some signs you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust you…

1) They ask one too many questions

It feels less like a polite inquiry about how your day was, and more like the Spanish Inquisition.

They’re incredibly detail orientated. And often about things that most people wouldn’t care less about.

It’s not simply one or two questions, they always have four or five follow-up questions.

If you went on a night out they want to know who went and what time everyone came and left.

It’s almost like they are checking your story for inaccuracies.

2) They try to catch you out

“But you said last night that Lizzy couldn’t make it, so how come she ended up going?”

It’s not just that you get asked a lot of pointless questions, they seem to be fishing for something.

It’s like your other half is hunting for any contradictions in your “story”.

They’re trying to catch you in a lie or fib which may reveal their worst fears.

3) They snoop through your things

It may be your pockets, your wallet, your bag, in drawers at your home, under your bed, or in your wardrobe.

You’ve caught your partner snooping in places where they have no business being.

Maybe they had an excuse, but you weren’t buying it. Or perhaps they even fessed up and admitted to being curious as to what they may find.

Only a suspicious mind thinks to go looking in people’s personal belongings for no real reason.

4) They want to check your phone

If your other half doesn’t trust you, they may be looking for reassurance.

In fact, they may even try to convince you that if you had nothing to hide, you wouldn’t mind them looking at your phone.

But that’s merely manipulation. Couples are completely entitled to privacy and boundaries within the relationship.

If they feel the need to read your messages or check your call log then they clearly don’t trust you.

5) They want your passwords

Of course, phones aren’t the only technology that can be used for digital snooping.

They may want your passwords to get access to your computer, emails, or social media.

When it comes to your socials, they may well be worried about who you’re chatting to or following without them knowing.

So they want to “put their mind at rest”.

6) They don’t want you to follow certain people on social media

Subtle jealousies like this still show a lack of trust.

Perhaps they’ve gone through your friend list and made comments about why you’re following certain people.

They may flat-out ask you to delete good-looking guys or girls that make them feel insecure.

Protectiveness is often a mask for a lack of trust.

7) They want to know exactly who you’re with at all times

When you go out, you’re expected to give all the details about who is going.

Saying you’re going out with “friends” is never going to cut it.

They want names.

And if they don’t like your answer, you’ll know about it!

They may accuse some of your pals of being a bad influence or try to discourage you from hanging out with them.

8) They guilt trip you for going out without them

Certain clingy behavior can seem sort of sweet at first.

They care so much that they never want to leave your side.

But it’s just not healthy.

Neediness can spring from mistrust.

Rather than lay down the law about who you can and can’t see, they may prefer to play the victim.

When you’re not with them, they try to make you feel bad about it.

And when they do, sometimes you do end up feeling responsible for their feelings.

9) They stress out if you miss a call or don’t text back straight away

Because they don’t trust you, their imagination spins out of control.

You couldn’t pick up because you were in a meeting. You didn’t see their text because you were helping your mom in the garden.

But totally innocent scenarios like this aren’t the ones that first cross their mind. 

So they freak out or overreact whenever you don’t immediately reply or respond to them.

10) They’re always making something out of nothing

When you’re in an untrusting relationship, your partner may frequently read into things.

Things that are no big deal whatsoever, yet they can make a mountain out of a molehill.

The most innocent of comments made about someone gets turned into a full-blown affair that you must be having.

Even if you so much as smile at the waitstaff, it’s labeled as you ‘openly flirting’.

They’re on high alert, and so even the smallest thing raises alarm bells for them.

11) They make accusations

They often encourage you to “admit” to things you haven’t even done.

Perhaps so much so that you’re tired of defending yourself.

Their accusations are completely unfounded and without proof. But they have a gut feeling that you are lying or keeping things from them.

There is absolutely zero for them to be suspicious about. You don’t understand where it’s all coming from.

12) They’re guarded

It’s no fun for either person in a relationship when there is a lack of trust.

It sucks to be them, and you. As a result of their trust problems, they may start to close themselves off.

It’s a defense mechanism in order to try to protect themselves.

So they may find it difficult to open up and be themselves. They seem withdrawn.

They may lack confidence in letting you in.

13) They make jokes that you can’t be trusted

Humor can be incredibly passive-aggressive.

A lot of people hide the truth in plain sight whenever they make jokes.

It could be a subtle little dig about something, but it’s played off as “only kidding”.

Yet it doesn’t feel like a joke. For starters, it’s not funny.

It’s just an indirect way of saying something to you in what feels like a less confrontational manner.

14) They’ve had trust issues in the past

People can change, there’s no doubt about it. Sometimes it is the specific circumstances that lead us to act in a certain way.

But there’s also no denying that past behavior can be a strong indicator of future behavior.

Especially unless someone has put the work in to break negative patterns.

If you know that trust issues are something that has come up time and time again for your partner, then it’s more likely they’ll emerge again.

Maybe your significant other has some past betrayal that left them weary. Or perhaps they have some abandonment issues.

Sometimes it’s not the relationship that’s the problem, it’s your partner’s undealt with baggage.

15) They’re kind of controlling

The more we try to control others, the less we trust them.

It’s as simple as that.

Micromanaging your partner means you don’t even trust them to have autonomy in their own life.

That can include things like:

  • Making decisions for you
  • Trying to talk you into or out of things
  • Blaming you for their jealousy or mistrust
  • Criticizing you
  • Trying to isolate you from other people
  • Being overprotective
  • Giving you no privacy

What to do in a relationship when your partner doesn’t trust you?

It’s almost impossible to sustain a relationship without trust.

So it’s important to try to heal any trust issues asap.

Here’s how to start:

1) Have an honest talk

Things won’t change until you confront the problems in your relationship.

That means open communication.

Try to approach the situation with compassion. It’s a delicate subject and your partner is less likely to become defensive if you handle it as sensitively as you can.

They may not realize what they are doing and how it’s impacting you and your relationship.

Pick the right time and place — when you’re getting along and both in a good mood.

Bringing it up in the heat of an argument isn’t the best time!

2) Be clear on your boundaries

If we want people to adhere to our boundaries, it’s up to us to enforce them.

That means knowing yours.

What relationship lines cannot be crossed?

In terms of trust, get specific about the behaviors that do not feel appropriate.

For example, checking up on you on nights out or trying to dictate who you can and can’t hang out with.

Then communicate your expectations.

But don’t make it one-sided. Discover your partner’s essential needs and wants too.

It’s essential that once you are clear on your relationship ‘do’s and don’ts’ around trust that you are firm in upholding them.

3) Be trustworthy

So far, we’ve focused on your partner’s lack of trust. But it’s important to note that things like trust and respect are often earned too.

When we want someone to offer us their trust, we have to show ourselves to be reliable and truthful.

So make sure that you are.

Consider anything you may be doing that could be damaging the trust and intimacy within your relationship.

If we want to hold our partner accountable, we obviously need to do the same for ourselves!

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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