Kiran Athar
Many moons ago I met a guy who seemed to tick all of the right boxes – he was lovely. The type of fella you can’t wait to introduce to your family. Kind, authentic, and very loving.
But throughout our three-year relationship, something just never felt quite right. I was struggling to see a future with him, but I couldn’t work out why…he was almost perfect, so I assumed there was something wrong with me.
It’s only with hindsight that I’ve come to realize, you absolutely can be in a relationship with a great guy who, unfortunately, is wrong for you.
Perhaps you’re in a similar situation? If so, I’ll be sharing 8 signs to look out for…because even if he’s perfect on paper if the chemistry isn’t right, there’s no point wasting both your time!
1) Lack of emotional connection
One thing that every healthy, successful relationship needs is a deep emotional connection.
And even if the guy you’re currently with is a great person, if you guys simply don’t click on the emotional level, there’s a good chance he’s not the one for you.
So, what do I actually mean when I say emotional connection?
- You’re in tune – sometimes you don’t even need to speak to understand your partner’s feelings and thoughts. It just comes intuitively.
- You feel comfortable being vulnerable with him.
- He displays empathy and seems to “get you”.
If you don’t resonate with the above, perhaps his emotional maturity skills aren’t quite there yet or don’t match your level.
Even if he tries to be empathetic or get you to open up, if you’re simply not feeling the connection, it’s a sign he’s wrong for you.
2) Different life goals
When you first meet someone and you get along like a house on fire, those differences in future ambitions seem pretty insignificant. You can work through them if you really love each other, right?
Wrong.
More often than not, once the honeymoon period ends, most people realize that it’s going to be a constant uphill battle if their goals aren’t aligned.
For example, with my lovely ex-partner, we agreed on most stuff. But I always wanted to move abroad, he didn’t. At first, I thought, “Oh well, one of us is bound to change our mind or compromise.”
But it never happened, and it actually became a source of tension in our relationship. Neither of us was wrong for having our own goals, they just simply weren’t compatible.
3) Feeling unfulfilled
Do you feel unenthusiastic about your relationship?
Do you feel like your needs (emotional, physical, and mental) aren’t being met?
Last question – do you feel confused as to why you feel unfulfilled?
I ask because the chances are, if he’s a great guy, you’re probably wondering why you feel so “meh” about the relationship.
But if you’re not connected on an emotionally deep level as I discussed earlier, it’s no wonder you don’t feel fulfilled.
Remember, no matter how nice he is as a person, if he’s not YOUR person, it’s never going to be the defining relationship of your life.
4) You’re always making compromises
Here’s the situation:
He’s nice, you’re nice, but for some reason, you can’t agree on anything.
Perhaps your personalities just don’t line up, or your likes and dislikes are on opposite ends of the spectrum.
Either way, if you constantly feel like you have to compromise on things that make you happy, or even your goals and values, it’s a sign he’s wrong for you.
A relationship is all about balance.
Even if he’s perfect in every other way, if he continuously puts your needs and feelings to one side, it’s going to reach a point where you start to resent him.
5) Different communication styles
Let me tell you about my friend Wendy.
Wendy met a great guy, the type of guy she’d been looking for for years. Except there was just one thing – he’s a man of few words.
Wendy, on the other hand, enjoys being told verbally how much she’s loved and cared for.
Even though the great guy was there for her, and in his own way, showed love, Wendy still felt like there was something missing from her relationship.
She wasn’t getting the reassurance and attention she craved and needed.
Does this, in a roundabout way, sound similar to your situation?
Great guys don’t always equal clear and open communication skills.
And let’s be honest, without communication skills that align, it’s incredibly hard to create a fulfilling, satisfying relationship…which leads me to my next point on things misaligning:
6) You envision different futures
Earlier, I mentioned my ex and I had different goals, which caused issues in the relationship.
Well, the same applies if you have different visions for the future.
You might be with a wonderful man right now, but if he wants kids and you don’t, or vice versa…this could become a major issue.
Same when it comes to:
- Getting married
- Settling down and buying a property
- Choosing the right location to live in
- Whether you’ll vacation once a year or three times a year
The list could go on, but you get the gist. Again, this isn’t your fault or his. It’s just different dreams and plans that simply don’t match up.
My advice is to start paying attention to these things now – ask uncomfortable questions. It’s better to know now if he’s wrong for you than five years down the line.
7) You feel better alone
It feels weird…you’ve got this lovely guy in your life, yet you actually prefer being alone…your friends don’t understand why and perhaps you don’t either.
Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s not weird, it’s just a sign that he’s not the one for you!
The truth is, someone can be a wonderful person but if they don’t capture your attention, stimulate your mind, or make you laugh and have fun…it’s no wonder you prefer to be alone.
Some personalities just don’t get along enough to want to hang out all the time.
So while he might make a nice friend that you see from time to time, if you don’t crave his company, it’s a surefire sign he isn’t right for you to be in a relationship with.
8) Your intuition is telling you so
And finally, if your intuition is telling you that he’s not the one, listen to it.
I fully encourage all women and men to listen to their gut and get in tune with it. It’s one of the best guides we have, even if we don’t always understand it.
But maybe I say this because I ignored my intuition for so long. I kept looking at things logically:
- He was a great person
- We should “technically” make a solid couple
- He treated me well
I overlooked one important thing – love isn’t always logical!
Even if everything looks great on paper, if your heart simply isn’t in it, it’s time to move on.
And hey, think of it this way – he’s not the only great guy in the world.
You will find someone who gives you butterflies, who you can’t get enough of, and who treats you the way YOU need to be treated.
By letting him go, you’ll also be freeing him up to meet someone better suited for him…So don’t feel bad about deciding to leave. You’ll be doing the right thing, especially if you resonate with all the points listed above!
