Pearl Nash
“Is this real?”
If you’ve had your share of toxic relationships in the past and you finally meet someone genuinely kind, you may find yourself getting a little suspicious.
So if you really want to know for sure, here are the 10 signs to check if your significant partner is a genuinely kind person.
1) They’re not just kind to YOU
Whether with their friends, family and even strangers, you notice that they often lend a helping hand. Even at work, they can be relied on for support by colleagues.
While a lot of people seem to do the same thing, what’s different about them is they don’t do it expecting to earn favors, praise, nor attention.
They’ll be kind even to people who will never have the capacity to repay them or people they’ll likely never meet again like waiters or co-passengers in the airport.
Meanness just isn’t in their bones and kindness is how they choose to live.
2) They’re focused on your well-being
This means they’re aware of your triggers and being supportive with your healing. Even when you have a depressive episode, they don’t make it about them.
They’re quick to take a supportive stance and are even surprisingly intuitive about giving the kind of support you need without you begging.
Whether it’s giving you alone time and space as you cry and let your emotions through, hugs, or lending an extra hand balancing out your tax and finance sheets, your partner is right by your side.
They’re also incredibly attuned to what instantly lifts you up, and will crack up a joke or invite you on a nature walk, or the movies when they notice you need a break from the stress.
3) They don’t see you as competition
Unless you’re playing poker or computer games, they’re simply happy when you’re happy.
While it’s natural to be a supportive partner when your other half is going through a tough time, the true test of a solid relationship is success.
A genuinely kind person will not be threatened by your awards or even bigger salary and they will even be willing to do anything to help you achieve your dreams.
They’ll help you keep track of goals, stay motivated through deadlines, and celebrate both the small wins and the big wins.
Why are they like this?
Their self-esteem is just that solid.
And it’s not because they want you as a trophy partner either, so whatever life path you choose and whatever passions you pursue, they’re on your side.
4) They can’t stay mad at you for so long
Anger is just part of any relationship. It doesn’t mean they’re not kind just because they get mad, they’re just human.
What sets apart a genuinely kind person though is they don’t compile a list of faults nor hold grudges. They acknowledge their emotions but then they just let it slide.
They realize that holding onto anger isn’t really the most productive nor compassionate way to be in a relationship so when something makes them angry, they find the cause and communicate with you for solutions instead of bottling it all up.
If it’s a small thing, they let it go. If it means a lot to them, they take the time to talk with you so you can come to a mutual understanding and improve your relationship.
5) They don’t keep score on who’s loving more
They’ll wake up early and cook you breakfast before they leave for work when they know you slept late.
They’ll buy you chocolates on your period, and do the dishes and the laundry when you’re not feeling well.
If you’ve been through toxic partners, you might be worried they’ll bring it up to guilt-trip you into doing something… except it never happens.
They don’t make you feel like you’re a burden.
It’s simply the norm for them to consistently perform acts of love and service. It’s just how they define a relationship with someone they love and want to spend their life with.
And because they’re this way, you’re very much inspired to love them 50x in return. So in the end, you just end up having a contest on who loves more!
6) They give real compliments
If you’ve had partners (or even parents) with hyper critical personalities, you may not believe it at first but your partner is not faking it.
They really mean it when they say you look great and that you’re a good writer. They’re not just saying things to make you THINK they’re loving.
And it’s not just the obvious things, too. You notice that they notice what others ignore.
For instance, they’ll compliment you on your capacity to make other people comfortable or the way you remind friends of their gifts and strengths.
But this is a kind of habit for them. It’s effortless. For genuinely kind people, compliments are as natural as breathing.
7) They take accountability for their actions
Even the best of us isn’t perfect but the genuinely kind person doesn’t just admit their fault, they also do their best to repair the relationship and avoid repeating the same behavior.
If you set boundaries for instance and they accidentally cross it, they sincerely apologize, make amends and don’t repeat it again.
They won’t ever try to shift the blame or get defensive. When they’re wrong, they admit it as fast as they realize it.
And when they don’t immediately understand what offended or hurt you, they take the time to talk it through with you when you are ready to make sure that whether unintentionally or not, it doesn’t happen again.
8) They’re not pushovers
While some people equate being kind with being a pushover, it’s really not the case.
Genuinely kind people are able to enforce strong boundaries (yes, even with you) because they truly care about the sustainability of the relationship.
When they ask you (nicely) not to give them a random visit in their workplace because it stresses them out, they’re doing it not to make you feel unloved. It’s the other way around! They don’t want you to feel unloved, that’s why they don’t want you to make surprise visits.
Setting boundaries is not easy. It requires good communication and courage to be unliked a little bit, but it’s actually the best way to ensure both of you are happy in the relationship.
And because they rarely overextend or repress themselves, you won’t find them holding much resentment towards other people nor you.
9) They have integrity
A genuinely kind person doesn’t shift their values according to what benefits them the most. So even if it will cost them friendships or perks in their career, they stay true to their values.
They don’t change their values according to the group they’re with. And when they believe in something, they always act according to it.
They stick to good morals simply because they want to treat other people fairly.
They just can’t imagine life not living according to their values so they take on only careers and endeavors that align with it.
10) They make you feel safe
This one might be surprising but you know your partner is a genuinely kind person when your sleep quality improves immensely when you’re with them.
This is because your body automatically relaxes and your fight, flight, and freeze responses can finally rest because there is no sense of danger.
Unlike people you feel like walking on eggshells around, a genuinely kind person makes you feel at ease. And this is probably why some people “feel like home”.
Last words
A genuinely kind partner nowadays can feel nothing short of a miracle. So yes, thank your lucky stars and also know that you have always been deserving of having one.
Together, you’ll be creating a world where compassion and understanding for each other overflows.
You’ll find that this creates opportunities for growth because you are nurturing each other to reach your highest potential.
Your relationship is a gift that serves as an inspiration to those who witness how partners bloom when watered with genuine kindness.
