Not so long ago, I met a guy who opened my eyes to how others might view me.
As I believed things between us were progressing well, one night, he hit me with an unexpected statement. “You’re hard to read.”
He went on to explain that he typically had a very good read on a person’s thoughts and that I was like a closed book.
“Usually, I know exactly what someone is thinking…but you didn’t open up to me!”
The words hit hard. Perhaps because they hit home…For a long time looking back, I struggled to be understood.
Eventually, I put the pain of the experience to one side and took it as an opportunity to learn more about myself.
If I can understand my complexities, perhaps, I may better relate to others.
So if anyone has ever called you hard to read and it’s knocked your confidence, then this is the read you need. I’m sharing what I learned from my own painful experience.
There is nothing wrong with you…Being complex is not a bad thing; on the contrary, it is a blessing so long as you understand your motivations.
So buckle up as we go through ten traits of a complex character and see if anything resonates.
1) You offer honest advice
You are not one to shy away from speaking up and giving an opinion. You offer your advice freely because, at heart, you want to help.
But this can be a double-edged sword. Honestly, letting others know what you think can make some people insecure.
Especially if they don’t 100% understand what you’re trying to say or do. So it is important to be clear and use openers like, “If it were me, then I’d…” This removes the other person from the equation and is less personal!
Honest opinions are valuable to many people, but some can view them as threatening; if you get your wires crossed, they may feel like you are impossible to read.
Sometimes when your advice or opinion hits the nail on the head, they can be frightened off by how well you read them and how much power you have over them.
2) You judge by character not appearance
You are analytically minded and very observant. The awareness you have helps you value character over appearance.
You are not focused on the way someone looks because you can see as plain as day where true beauty lies.
In our social-media-driven world, this sets you apart from a lot of your peers. They are under the influence and could probably do with a TikTok detox.
If you tell people you appreciate character over how attractive someone is or how well they dress, they think you are as crazy as you believe them to be for shelling out on a designer handbag that they don’t need!
Because you judge by merits and values and actions, you have unbiased respect. Another great trait! It doesn’t make a difference if someone is a busboy or C.E.O. titles do not reflect a person’s character, and that, for you, is a person’s true value.
3) You have no patience for ignorance, judgment, or stupidity
Because you are non-judgemental when it comes to looks and status, you can’t support judgemental people, especially if it is due to ignorance or idiocy.
You are proud of your knowledge and value intelligence in others. You have taken the time to teach yourself. So when people make assumptions on subjects they know nothing about, it grinds your gears!
Stupid antics are a waste of time and a display of idiocy. You can’t put up with people spouting nonsense about the latest hot topic when they are parroting something they were shown thanks to their Google algorithm or biased media newsfeed.
You value those who take the time to seek answers for themselves and educate instead of spreading misinformation.
Being able to think for yourself is super important to you.
4) You seek challenges
You have a drive within that is fuelled by challenges. You like to push yourself and learn as you go.
If you aren’t trying something new or setting your goals incrementally higher, you can quickly become bored.
There is nothing worse than a stagnant period in life. You have to have something to occupy yourself with.
Most people prefer an easier route, and some will even actively avoid challenges.
Complex personality types are always trying to prove their abilities to themselves.
They strive for better, which comes from a lack of satisfaction but ultimately leads to self-improvement and self-belief. Best of all, you get a “fearlessness” that many people lack.
5) You are self-confident
Because you challenge yourself regularly and learn even when you don’t succeed to keep striving, you have great self-confidence. This makes you a powerful person.
You can be more assertive, communicate better, and lead well. When you find yourself in a new situation, you cope well with the pressure. You aren’t scared to try nor embarrassed to admit if you need help.
Pushing yourself means you approach the unknown with less fear of failure.
Self-validation comes with great self-confidence; you don’t rely on praise, and you know your abilities better than anyone.
6) You are highly focused and creative
As you crave a challenge, you also develop an innate capability of turning the mundane into something more interesting.
Many things in life are boring and unavoidable, but you can be imaginative and creative and turn a household chore into a competition.
You are incredibly focused. You have a good eye for detail and logic which means you can see the best way to get a task done.
No matter how many times you have done something repetitive, like a daily task, the wheels are always turning. You are always problem-solving in a more efficient way to achieve something.
A complex mind ironically seeks a simple solution.
With your unrelenting focus and creative ability to think outside of the box, you learn and gain something new no matter how many times you have to complete a mundane task!
7) Small talk is not for you!
You can’t stand superficial answers! You can put up with a boring question and even dish them out as pleasantries but crave a proper reply.
Is it too much to ask for a little bit more than “I’m fine” or “not much” as a response?
When conversations become routine and lack any depth, you just can’t see much of a point in conversing with routine, superficial answers that irk you to your core.
When someone says, “I’m good,” it lacks so much meaning that it really shouldn’t be said.
Have we become empty robotic shells?
You are honest and open and give details, and in return, you value the same. You seek to understand the purpose behind actions and want to know more than how someone feels today.
Some people are close for fear of judgment, but you don’t judge and wish they would express themselves freely without wondering about other people’s opinions.
You crave a deeper conversation topic than the weather, and you want to know what motivates them in their busy lives on this spinning rock in the cosmos.
Small talk isn’t on the menu!
8) You crave a detailed answer
This next one goes hand in hand with the above!
As complex people, we rarely give a yes-no answer without backing it unless it would be inappropriate.
That is not to say that we talk for the sake of talking because we don’t, as I already mentioned, make small talk!
But because a thirst for deeper conversations drives us, we offer complexities in our answers and crave the same level of detail back!
9) You are emotional
Complex people feel everything on a deeper level, and this makes us emotional. This is a trait some people view negatively. But being able to be vulnerable is a brave thing to do!
It shows honesty, and because we like to be genuine at all times, it means we aren’t afraid to embrace the full spectrum of emotions.
It is a complex trait… some people will use the term “complicated” in a derogatory manner. They might find our emotions overwhelming.
But you will meet plenty of people who appreciate how “real” you are.
10) You are empathetic
It isn’t only your emotions that you feel deeply. Because you genuinely care, you empathize deeply, feeling the heartaches and highs of those around you.
You listen with an empathetic ear and can put yourself in somebody else’s shoes.
You are sociable and compassionate for humanity as a whole. You aren’t just concerned with your immediate circle.
You care for the planet and take on responsibility. You hate injustice and imbalance and are driven to help those less fortunate than you.
It gives your soul a purpose, and you like to spread light, hope, and positivity.
Complex Personality Pros and Cons
Pros of being a complex person
- They are honest and genuine.
- They adapt well to change and cope under pressure.
- They are great problem solvers and think strategically.
- They rarely give up, seeking solutions instead of accepting failure.
- They think logically and imaginatively.
- Complex people are creative
- .They feel deeply.
- They care for the planet and have a love for animals and nature.
Cons of being a complex person
- Complex people are prone to over-analyzing and can become overwhelmed by their thoughts.
- Obsessing over details can bring about anxiety or lead to depression and even the development of phobias.
- A complex person can bounce between extreme juxtapositions; for example, they can demonstrate moments of total naïvety but be very knowledgeable.
- They are blunt with opinions which can upset people.
- It can take time to find people that you fit in with, people that understand you.
- Teamwork can be very challenging.
- They have high ideals and see injustices. It can be aggravating to observe wrongdoing.
The bottom line
As you will have seen, having complex personality traits is a mixed bag of blessings.
Life’s journey is tough enough, but if you have any of the above complex traits, you may face a few more twists and turns along the way.
You may experience stressful obstacles and be hit with anxiety, but you will also undoubtedly share incomparable highs and ultimately make deeper connections with the souls that drift in and out of your life.
You may put a few noses out of joint with your open opinions. But your lack of superficial judgment, empathy, and moral values will attract people who will cherish you for the complex way that you are.