9 signs you’re filling a void in your life with shallow relationships

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When we’re constantly told to “be happy” and “make the most of life,” it can be hard to admit that something’s missing.

Too often, we find ourselves trying to fill that void with relationships that just don’t hit the mark. They might be fun and exciting for a while, but they don’t give us the deep connection we’re really craving.

And if you’ve been bouncing from one superficial relationship to another, you’ve probably been told you have commitment issues more times than you’d care to count.

Sound familiar?

If it does, keep reading for the 9 signs that you’re filling a void in your life with shallow relationships.

1) You’re constantly in and out of relationships

One telltale sign that you’re filling the void with shallow relationships is if you’re constantly jumping from one relationship to another.

You find yourself in a never-ending cycle of breakups and new relationships because you’re always looking for that next thrill—the next person who can distract you from the emptiness inside.

The excitement of a new relationship can help mask the void, but it’s only a temporary fix. Once the novelty wears off, you find yourself feeling empty all over again, and so you move on to the next person.

And because of this constant relationship-hopping, people often label you as someone with commitment issues. But really, it’s not about fear of commitment at all.

It’s about trying to fill that void with anything and everything, because being alone with your thoughts seems far too overwhelming.

Unfortunately, what you’re doing is just avoiding the real issue rather than confronting it. And until you do confront it, the cycle will just continue.

2) You don’t feel satisfied even after spending time with others

I remember a phase in my life where I was constantly surrounded by people. I would go out every night, meet new people, laugh, and have what seemed like a great time.

But when I came home at the end of the night, I felt empty.

I realized that even though I was spending time with others, I wasn’t truly connecting with them. These relationships were shallow—they were more about having fun and less about understanding each other on a deeper level.

The truth was, these relationships weren’t fulfilling. They were just distractions from the loneliness and emptiness I felt inside.

And the worst part was that I knew something was missing, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. It took me a while to realize that what I was missing were genuine connections and meaningful relationships.

3) You feel anxious when you’re not in a relationship

This may sound surprising, but according to psychology, the fear of being single is a real phenomenon.

It’s called anuptaphobia, and it can push people to stay in unfulfilling relationships or jump into new ones without giving themselves the time to heal and reflect.

If you find yourself feeling anxious at the thought of being single, or if you’re always in a rush to find someone new after a breakup, it could be because you’re trying to distract yourself from the void within.

Unknowingly, you could be using relationships as a crutch to avoid facing your loneliness or dissatisfaction with life.

This fear of being alone could be pushing you into shallow relationships that don’t really fulfill you, but only serve as a temporary distraction.

4) You rarely delve into deep conversations

If your conversations with your partners remain at a surface level, this could be a sign you’re in a shallow relationship.

You talk about the weather, the latest TV shows, or what you did during the day, but you rarely dive deep into each other’s thoughts, feelings, and dreams.

You avoid the heavy topics, maybe because they’re harder to navigate or maybe because you’re afraid of what you might discover.

But without these deeper discussions, you’re missing out on a crucial part of true connection. You remain disconnected from your partner’s inner world, and they from yours. 

5) You feel lonelier when you’re with them

It’s a strange feeling to be with someone while feeling more alone than ever.

You’re sitting next to each other, maybe even holding hands, but you might as well be worlds apart. There’s a disconnect, a chasm, that no amount of casual conversation or shared activities seems to bridge.

You might laugh together, spend time together, but at the end of the day, there’s a gnawing sense of loneliness that creeps in. You feel unseen, unheard, unfulfilled.

This is often a clear indication that the relationship you’re in is not feeding your soul. It’s not giving you the emotional nourishment you crave. Instead, it’s just a placeholder, a band-aid on a wound that needs more than a quick fix.

It’s hard to admit, but if you find yourself feeling lonelier when you’re with your partner, it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship and what you’re really seeking from it.

6) You’re always seeking validation

It’s perfectly natural to want reassurance and affirmation from the people we care about.

But if you find that you’re constantly seeking validation from your partner, it may be a sign that you’re trying to fill a void with shallow relationships.

You might be looking for them to constantly affirm your worth, to reassure you that you’re loved and valued. And there’s nothing wrong with that—we all need a little reassurance now and then.

Just remember, you are enough just as you are. Seeking constant validation could be a symptom of deeper insecurities or feelings of emptiness.

And while it’s important for your partner to make you feel loved and valued, it’s equally important for you to find that validation within yourself too.

It’s not easy, but it’s a journey worth taking. Because you are worth it, and you deserve relationships that fulfill you, not just fill time.

7) You’re not excited about future plans

Ever noticed that when you’re planning a vacation or even just thinking about the weekend, it’s more about the activities and less about who you’re spending time with?

Maybe you’re more excited about the new sushi place you’re going to try than the fact that your partner will be there with you. Or maybe the thought of a weekend getaway sounds great until you realize that means spending two whole days with your partner.

If this sounds a bit too familiar, it might be a sign that your relationship is more about filling time than it is about genuine connection.

But hey, at least you’re discovering new sushi places, right? Silver linings and all that jazz.

But jokes aside, if you’re not excited about future plans with your partner, it may be time to reassess what you truly want from your relationships.

8) You ignore red flags

Nobody’s perfect; we all come with our own little quirks and flaws. But there’s a difference between accepting someone’s imperfections and ignoring clear red flags.

If you find yourself constantly making excuses for your partner’s behavior, or if you’re always justifying their actions to yourself or others, it might be time for a reality check.

Ignoring these red flags won’t make them disappear. It only means you’re settling for less than what you deserve. You might be doing this to avoid confronting the void within yourself, but in the end, it won’t make you happy.

It’s tough to hear, but sometimes we need to face the harsh truths in order to grow. You deserve a relationship that brings you joy and fulfillment, not one where you’re constantly turning a blind eye to issues.

9) You’re not truly happy

At the end of the day, the most telling sign that you’re filling a void with shallow relationships is this: you’re not truly happy.

Despite being in a relationship, you might often find yourself feeling unfulfilled, lonely, or just plain unsatisfied. You might be going through the motions, doing all the things that couples are supposed to do, but deep down, you’re not content.

This isn’t about having a perfect relationship, because there’s no such thing. But it’s about having a relationship that adds value to your life—one that enriches you and makes you feel loved, understood, and appreciated.

If your relationship isn’t bringing you happiness, it might be time to take a step back and reassess what you really want.

Because, at the end of the day, you deserve to be genuinely happy.

Final thoughts

It’s all too common to find ourselves in relationships that don’t fulfill us.

We can be labeled as commitment-phobes or even as people who just can’t seem to settle down, but it’s often more about the deep-seated emptiness we’re trying to fill.

So if you’re bouncing from one shallow relationship to another, don’t be too hard on yourself—you’re just trying to find a means to fill that void.

But remember, you are more than your loneliness; you are more than your fears. You have so much depth and potential inside of you that a shallow relationship will never be able to fulfill.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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