So there’s this girl you’ve been close to and the closeness has you thinking, “Wait, am I falling in love?”
But she’s more like a sister to you and sometimes, you even find her a little annoying (but the cute kind). Hmmm…so maybe you’re just fond of her in a platonic way, then? It’s all so confusing!
To help you navigate these treacherous waters, I offer you a list of 15 surprising signs that can tell you if you’re actually falling in love with her.
1) You stop thinking about your ex
It’s very hard to fall out of love, and it’s normal to keep thinking about or pining for your ex years after your break-up. This happens to a lot more people than you might think, so there’s no need to be ashamed of it.
In fact, some people say you never really stop loving people. You just find new people to love, and that your emotions for these new people simply override what you felt for your past loves. It’s why exes sometimes get back together!
And with that said, falling in love with someone new just so happens to be one of the things that can help you get over your past loves.
So if you find yourself thinking less and less of your ex and more about this new girl, then it’s quite likely that you are falling in love with her.
2) Time? What’s time?
Time is a very precious commodity. And it’s always in short supply, even if you might think you have more than enough of it. Because of that, most of us are careful with what we spend our time on.
Why spend it arguing with some stranger on the internet instead of hanging out with your friends?
But when you’re falling in love with a girl, she begins to matter so much to you that you honestly won’t mind wasting time just to be with her. You might even try to free up your schedule just to be with her!
Some people say you are never too busy to be with someone, and there is some truth to that claim.
People also say that time seems to speed up when you’re having fun, and I’m sure you’ll agree with this one.
And so time, already in short supply as it is, seems to go by in the blink of an eye around her. You might even catch yourself going “Wait, it’s been 5 hours already?” because, as far as you are concerned, you have barely spent 5 minutes together.
3) You can’t stop checking up on chat
Checking your phone or computer every now and then is a pretty common habit many of us do. Some people even go as far as to climb up trees just to get a mobile signal when they’re out in the boondocks!
When you’re in love, however, you become especially restless when you can’t check up to see if there are any messages by her. A lack of connectivity frustrates you, and even when you’re doing something, you might just tab every hour or so to see if she has sent you anything.
And when you receive a message from her, your face just lights up like you won a thousand bucks.
4) You try checking out her hobbies
We all have our interests and hobbies. Just small things we do when we have free time to make our lives that much more bearable. Some people choose to game with their computers, while others make crafts or dance. And then there are those who build literal rockets in their backyard.
The chances that your hobbies are perfectly matched with hers are very unlikely, even if you might share a couple here and there—which is likely the case if you met up because of a shared hobby.
I know people who have met and gotten together out of a shared love for storytelling, a television show, or even an online game.
With most people, you might check out the things they like when asked to. But as you fall deeper and deeper in love with her, you become more and more interested in checking out the things she likes. Even the ones you thought you didn’t like!
For you, it’s a way to connect with her more. If there’s nothing more to say, you can at least talk about her hobby.
5) You get a bit possessive
Some level of possessiveness or jealousy isn’t too out of place when it comes to people you like or hold dear. Especially so when there’s a bit of distance involved. You might find yourself a bit upset or annoyed if your best friend stops hanging out with you to go chill with other people instead, for example.
But pay close attention to that jealousy. If she decides to stop hanging out with you to be with other people and you find yourself feeling something more than just mild annoyance, then you have probably begun to fall for her.
And with that, I mean worrying about whether she has replaced you or set you aside, or if there’s anything you have done wrong.
6) You’re a fan!
If you really, really like something or someone, it’s natural for you to get defensive over it. Some sports fans get so upset if their team is insulted they get into brawls, and celeb fans online are just straight-up insane sometimes when their favorite star or band gets dissed on.
Think about those kinds of people, and think about how you act when it involves her.
Do you get personally insulted when you hear someone—maybe a coworker, or a friend—says something bad about her? Do you ever act like you’re her biggest fan ever?
If you feel like showing her off to the world even if others think she’s just a regular girl, ding ding ding ding…you’re in love!
7) You don’t mind doing ‘boring’ stuff with her
People usually don’t like to waste their time doing things that aren’t worth it. There are those who straight up can’t be bothered to do their yards themselves, so they hire someone else to do their yardwork for them while they sit back and relax on the couch.
No time together with someone you love is wasted, however, no matter what it is you’re doing. You might do the dishes or laundry together with her when you normally couldn’t be bothered.
Hell, the two of you might spend the day together doing nothing and you’d be perfectly fine with that!
8) You hate her guts
She seems to know just how to piss you off and takes full advantage of that knowledge. But then you might ask, isn’t this supposed to be a list of signs that you love her, right? And yes, that is true. And I must clarify exactly what I mean with this.
I’m not talking about her repeatedly violating your wishes and pissing you off on big, important things like your personal beliefs or your relationship with your family.
I’m talking about small things that can frustrate you but still be good-natured, like her adding pineapples to your pizza just because you hate it. You have a feeling she probably thinks your reactions are cute.
She says things and does things to annoy you but you tolerate them and, on some level, you actually enjoy them.
Things like these are signs that the two of you are comfortable with your relationship. And that’s a good thing.
9) You think she’s a really good friend
Media likes to portray love as happening when two strangers bump into each other and then very quickly become all sappy and lovey-dovey. Sometimes love is ‘built’ out of enmity.
Scenarios like these are just fantasy, of course.
It’s hard to really fall in love with someone you just met, or if your relationship has never been positive to any degree. Sure, you might feel attracted to them and you might mistake that for love—but that’s just attraction.
Love is grown and nurtured. It just doesn’t start existing out of nowhere.
On the flip side, people are more likely to fall in love with people they are already good friends with. In fact, two out of three couples start out as friends, according to this study. In fact, the lines between romance and friendship are apparently quite blurry.
This shouldn’t be surprising, given that friendship is already built on love. Platonic love. Just add some sexual energy and some romantic love on top of that and you have a thing going.
10) You focus on her positives
Everyone has their good and bad sides. It’s up to the individual person whether they choose to acknowledge the positives or negatives in someone, and which they decide matters more.
When you fall in love with a girl, you’re going to, at some point, end up thinking her positives outweigh her negatives. It might even be that the negatives don’t bother you at all!
Some people choose to ignore their partner’s negatives entirely. Not really the wisest thing to do, but love just can hit that hard sometimes.
For example, she might have a habit of leaving her bed a mess before she goes to work, or she might have a habit of drinking a lot of vodka with her friends. To some these things can be turn-offs, but outside of worrying about her liver, you’d be more than willing to let these habits pass. You might even join her!
11) You feel her pain
When her world is overcast, so is yours. With any close relationship, some degree of empathy is natural—think that feeling of sadness when you hear your best friend got dumped, or that outrage you feel when you hear it’s because your neighbor decided to steal his girl.
But as with a few other things I already noted, it’s especially strong when it’s with someone you love romantically. When she’s crying, you want nothing more than to see her smiling again. When she tells you why she’s crying, you can feel your heart breaking alongside hers.
And like as not, it’s not going to simply stay a feeling. You’re going to look for ways to cheer her up, whether that be getting her some soup or buying her a cute plush toy that you thought she might like.
12) You like it when she’s happy
On the flip side, you like it when she’s happy. You’re more than willing to do anything to put a smile on her face, or to do something because you think it’ll make her happy.
You can be a generous person. You might be that guy who’d dump a thousand bucks into charity simply because you think it’s the good thing to do.
But when it comes to making her happy, you’re beyond charitable. You won’t care about costs or practicality, or weigh how grateful she would be for how much time and effort you pour into the things you do for her.
You won’t even need to see her reaction or hear her gratitude—though that is always a bonus—because the thought that you’ve done something to make her happy is enough.
13) You can’t stop talking about her
We all like to talk about the things and people we like. Someone who loves music is going to talk about music a lot. Likewise, if you love her you’re going to end up talking about her a lot.
Chances are that your friends have noticed this and either they’re keeping quiet about it and say ‘We always knew!’ when you ask them about it later, or they might be forward and tease you about it.
You don’t have to be talking about her alone either. Talking about the things she likes, or about things you wouldn’t have learned if not for her would also count.
As an example, you might not be into arthouse films but she is—and somehow you sometimes end up talking to your friends about these films. They might even comment on this and go “Woah dude, you seem to be obsessed with bonsai arthouse films lately. I don’t remember you’re a cineaste!”
14) You’re addicted
You feel incredibly happy when she’s around a lot, but also incredibly sad and depressed when she’s not with you.
You might be a little confused, because when you think about it, it’s not really jealousy you’re feeling. Rather, it’s more like you’re on a high around her and her absence throws you into a depressive withdrawal.
It’s almost like she’s your drug, and you’re an addict.
And that comparison is not necessarily a stretch, either! Your brain produces a lot of dopamine—the so-called ‘happy chemicals’—when you’re with someone you like, or when you’re doing something that feels good, like eating chocolate or having sex.
Dopamine is addictive. In fact, many addictive drugs work in part by making your brain make excessive amounts of dopamine at once. And when there’s a drop in how much dopamine you have in your system, you experience withdrawal. A mild one, compared to what drug addicts experience, but still withdrawal all the same.
15) You see her everywhere!
It doesn’t matter if you’re hallucinating her likeness on other people, or coming across small things like makeup kits and thinking about her. But she’s just everywhere and you’re not running out of things that remind you of her.
Things like these happen when you really like someone. You can’t help but think of them all the time, so you randomly put her on almost everything you see on a day-to-day basis.
This is another one of those things that you experience mildly with the people you care about, like your best friend or your grandparents, but jumps to a whole new level around someone you’re romantically interested in.
You might see the odd trinket here and there in the jewelry store that reminds you of your best friend. When it comes to someone you love, however, half the store basically reminds you of her.
Falling in love is a pretty scary thing. It brings a degree of comfort and closeness to your relationship with someone that just wasn’t there before. But at the same time, there’s fear—what if she doesn’t feel the same way and rejects you? What if you have it wrong and you end up ruining your friendship?
As with most things important in life, it’s best to think things over and to be sure before jumping to the conclusion that you’re in love. Consider the list that I have just given and give your situation some thought before committing to a decision.
But at the same time, avoid overthinking it—sometimes if you know, you just know. And if you feel it’s time to say it, go ahead and make the first move. Maybe she’s feeling the same way, too!
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