Marcel Deer
I know so many people who are in total flux between wanting to be single and wanting to be in a relationship.
The question for most people is which will make them happier.
And for so many people who aren’t sure, the grass very often looks greener on the other side.
But then there are those people who seem to be really good in both situations. They adapt easily to new relationships when they develop, but also don’t get too hung up on being single if that’s their current situation.
Are you one of them?
These eight signs you’re equally happy being in a relationship or being single can tell you if you are.
You might not display all of them, but if you recognize a lot of them in yourself, you’ll find that you’re different from a lot of people out there.
1) You have high self-confidence.
Self-confidence is a hugely underrated asset and one that is elusive for so many people out there.
Having a feeling of being enough, being valuable, and being able to rely on yourself is something most people wish they had.
And if you’ve got it in abundance, you might also notice something that’s different from most other people.
You’ll find that being in a relationship or being single makes little difference to how you see yourself.
You don’t need to have someone in your life to feel like you’re worth something. And when you’re single, you still feel like you love yourself.
I have a friend like this who’s just supremely confident.
Though Lina’s had serious relationships and really given her all in them, when they ended, you would hardly notice.
Not because she wasn’t sad about it, but because she didn’t fall into the traps of self-pity and self-criticism so many of us would find ourselves in.
While she felt sad about her relationship ending, she didn’t blame herself or her partner but just chalked it up to experience and went on with her life.
She was confident enough to know that she was alright on her own and that she would have new possibilities in the future.
2) You’ve got lots of friends.
People who have lots of friends and who really value their friendships simply need less from their romantic relationships.
When they enter into one, they also don’t suddenly turn into a new person and leave all their friends behind.
They continue to maintain their friendships and also require partners who can accept this about them.
Are you this way?
Lina is, and I think she’s going to keep popping up throughout this article!
She’s one of those people who everybody just likes immediately. She’s bubbly and friendly but also deep and intelligent, and she’s great at talking to just about anyone.
If she wanted to, she’d have her social calendar filled up every day of the week because everyone always wants to spend time with her.
Yet she always seems to have tons to give to her friends.
When she’s in a relationship, somehow, this doesn’t seem to change.
So whether she’s single or hooked up, she’s got a rich social life that is a big source of her happiness.
3) Your relationship with your family is great.
Many people also find family to be a major source of happiness and also a main focus in their lives.
Some people just have great relationships with their parents and siblings.
Others have massive extended families, almost like their own villages or tribes. These family relationships can provide tons of support, guidance, and interest in their lives.
So when it comes to happiness, the family unit is such a major source of it that relationships may not have so much of an influence.
That doesn’t mean that relationships aren’t important.
People with great families still enter into relationships, and sometimes these last for decades.
But whether these people are single or have partners, they can still find a lot of happiness in their lives.
4) You have lots of interests and hobbies.
Everyone has things they do in their spare time and things that they’re very interested in.
However, some people are a lot more passionate than others about their pastimes.
These are people who put a huge amount of time and energy into activities that don’t tend to make them much money.
Instead, they bring them joy and satisfaction.
They entertain them, keep them busy, help them meet people, and generally give them a purpose in life.
Take Lina again.
She has a ton of interests and hobbies that I know of and probably many I don’t.
She’s into dance and martial arts and is a demon on the badminton court. She writes poetry and does poetry slams, plus she’s now starting to do stand-up comedy just for the fun of it.
On top of all that, she reads a ton, is quite a classic movie buff, and plays the saxophone.
If you’re thinking that her life is a rich tapestry of activities, you’re definitely right!
And because she has so much going on, she always seems to be happy and fulfilled.
5) You’re not hung up on sex.
Sex is always a big issue in people’s lives.
When I say that people who are happy single or in relationships aren’t hung up on sex, though, I don’t mean they don’t care about it, or it’s unimportant to them.
That’s not the case at all.
But what I do mean is that sex doesn’t control and dominate their thoughts and actions.
They’re not always chasing it and obsessing about it.
For some people, that means they don’t have much interest in sex; it’s true.
But for others, it means that they are able to have great sex in a relationship or when single, and it doesn’t matter which. That’s because they take a lot of responsibility for their own sexual fulfillment no matter who they are with.
They’re responsible for their own highs, lows, and big O’s, too.
6) You have a rich interior life.
One of the best signs that you’re equally happy being in a relationship or being single is having a rich interior life.
I don’t just mean that you have a really deep and entrancing imagination, though this could be a big part of it.
I also mean that you have thoughts that occupy and excite you. You’re able to have good long conversations with yourself, think through problems, explore issues, and generally be inside your own head quite happily and comfortably.
If you’re one of these people, you may often be accused of daydreaming, drifting off somewhere, or even talking to yourself.
But actually, your interior life is healthy, captivating, and gives you a lot of joy.
7) Breakups don’t destroy you.
For some people, even just the thought of breaking up with their current partner is almost terrifying.
It’s true that in many relationships, the two partners get so dependent on each other that they can’t even think of parting. It would be like cutting off an arm or a leg.
It’s like in the classic Fleetwood Mac song Landslide, where the inimitable Stevie Nicks sings, “I’ve been afraid of changin’ / ‘Cause I built my life around you”
But other people do much better with breakups.
It’s not that they don’t get sad, but they just don’t end up completely lost and devastated when it happens. They usually handle breakups in a mature and understanding way and simply look at them as the results of a match that wasn’t right or people growing apart.
So they usually continue to value the other person and might even still be friends with most of their exes.
8) You don’t tend to get lonely easily.
A lot of people enjoy the single life when they’re young.
But when they start to get older, a specter starts to creep into the backs of their minds – the fear of being alone.
And this ends up being a motivation for people to rush into relationships impulsively or settle for someone they probably shouldn’t.
But if you’re the type of person who isn’t afraid of being alone, you probably don’t feel that pressing need to be in a relationship.
Sometimes I message Lina for a chat, and there’s no answer until a couple of days later.
“Oh, I just decided to go for a solo hiking trip in the mountains,” she’d say. “There was no reception.”
She’s just not at all uncomfortable with being alone, and that means she’s not driven by fear to force herself into a relationship.
Being in a relationship doesn’t define who you are.
If these eight signs you’re equally happy being in a relationship or being single sound familiar, that’s probably because relationships don’t define you.
You’re comfortable in your skin and in your own head.
And you’re happy being yourself, whether you’re with someone or not.
