Love never runs on time:
So what do you do in the meantime?
Being single for a long time or finding that love isn’t coming your way can actually be a blessing in disguise.
I’m not going to claim there’s no pain, or that the long periods alone are just deep periods of self-discovery and spiritual growth. This isn’t a Disney cartoon.
But it is true that being single a lot and not finding love gives you more opportunity than average to find out who you really are and actualize it into the world.
Having a partner is wonderful, but it changes many things. Being your own man or woman gives you the chance to find out more about who you are and to be more prepared to form a unique, powerful and long-lasting relationship when you meet that special someone.
1) You have a purpose
If you have a purpose for your life then you’re doing well.
In fact, you’re doing better than most.
It could be your career, your friendships, a special project you’re working on or even self-improvement.
But if you can honestly say that you have a reason to get up in the morning that goes beyond mere survival, then you’re doing very well indeed!
2) You know your own value
It’s easy to seek validation externally, but it’s never enough.
Being single or not finding love can be extremely difficult but it gives you the unique opportunity (and ultimately necessity) to discover your own value apart from the validation of a partner.
You learn your worth and learn to love yourself, without requiring somebody else to do it for you.
Far too many people don’t do this and end up with a string of heartbreaking breakups due to it.
3) You’re OK with being single
If you’re OK with being single you’re doing well.
Let me be clear:
This doesn’t mean you necessarily want to be single. It means you accept it and you’re not desperate to change it.
You feel satisfied to be yourself and whole in yourself.
The need for somebody else to come along doesn’t consume you, even if you’d love for it to happen.
4) You are open to dating and taking a chance
It’s hard to meet anyone without at least being open to going out on a date.
If there’s a connection, you should also be open to taking a chance.
If there’s not a connection, be willing to go home without feeling bitter or angry. You will be understandably disappointed if you go on dates or hook up and feel nothing.
But don’t let it poison the well or turn you off dating forever.
5) You know what you want from love
Knowing what you want from love is good.
You have certain things you hope for and look for in a partner, and core values that you look for.
At the same time as you’re open to love, you’re not beholden to expectations.
Which leads me to the next point…
6) But you are willing to be surprised
You have standards and lines you won’t cross (and won’t let your partner cross).
But you’re not looking for a cookie-cutter romance.
You’re willing to let real connection and love break through if and when it does.
You aren’t trapped by an ideal or only by one image of the kind of person you’re attracted to.
7) You’re growing in self-awareness
Many of these points I’m getting at here relate to growing self-awareness.
As you become more aware of what makes you tick and begin building a stronger sense of self, you become more ready for love.
8) You have strong core values
Part of this growing self-awareness is a rock-solid sense of your own values.
Things like honesty or spontaneity are not just temporary desires you have:
They are the bedrock of the life you want to build.
They form the basis of who you are and of what you’d accept in a partner.
9) You take responsibility for your own life
When you take responsibility for your own life, you make the world a better place.
You also become a net asset to every person and situation around you.
This ties deeply into the benefits of pursuing self-actualization even when love isn’t showing up.
The kind of meaningful love that you’re looking for will always follow the following law:
It will be a complement (bonus) to your existing life, not a salvation (replacement) for a life you don’t have.
It can be hard to take that first step or be patient when love seems to have missed the last flight out. But don’t stop believing.
10) You’re willing and able to care for another life
Taking responsibility for your own life is a great start.
Knowing that you can also care for another life is another way to know you’re doing great in life.
Examples include caring for a pet, a garden, or looking after a relative or parent who you care about.
When you’re able to do this it’s a clear sign that you’re willing and able to accept a position of more responsibility.
On a related note…
11) You have basic domestic and practical skills
Basic domestic and practical skills are also key to living a great life, regardless of whether love has yet come your way.
It shows that you’re not just thinking of yourself and are willing and able to care for somebody else.
You can wash and clean dishes, do laundry, cook meals and clean up around yourself and do basic maintenance around your home.
These are valuable skills!
12) You stand up for yourself
This is another sign that you’re living a great life:
You’re willing to be disliked.
You’re not focused on people pleasing or on gaining the approval of others.
You stand up for yourself and are true to what’s important to you, while still respecting others and listening to their values.
13) You’re financially stable
Finances are about far more than just dollars and cents.
Financial stability is lacking in so many relationships and is often at stake behind what goes wrong.
When one partner freeloads or when money is tight, it can often lead to tensions and fights.
At the same time, having a lot of wealth can lead to problems if partners use it to chase indulgence and end up losing the connection they have to each other.
14) You care for your physical health
Physical health is extremely important, and far too many folks squander it in their youth.
While you’re single and there’s no pressure on you to conform to any diet or meal-sharing with others, this is the time to get healthy on your own.
Exercise, eat right and enjoy fresh air.
Get enough sunshine and go for a run. You’re doing well in life, and love will find you glowing.
15) You care for your mental health
Mental health is finally being recognized as equally as important as physical health.
It’s about time.
The only disadvantage is that things like pain and trauma are being named as unique and pathological disorders:
Part of life is pain and trauma, unfortunately. Even saying goodbye to somebody you love is hugely traumatic.
But when you struggle with a serious disorder that goes beyond the bounds of life’s inevitable ups and downs, that’s when more care is needed.
16) You have hobbies you love
What do you love to do?
For far too many people the answer is “whatever.”
I’ve noticed how a big difficulty of (some) people in relationships is that they become so busy and wrapped up in their partner or family that they stop having hobbies.
They begin to drift away from what they used to love doing.
If you have hobbies you love doing, you’re doing very well in life.
17) You have good friends
Friendship is worth more than gold, and true and close friends are not something to be taken for granted.
When you can connect to others and become friends with them, you are absolutely ready for a romantic relationship.
The fact that love hasn’t come your way yet is nothing to be ashamed of.
Your friendships are a great thing to focus on for now.
In fact, most of my friends have met their significant other through friends.