Amy Reed
Have you ever met someone who you just instantly connected with on a deep and meaningful level?
Sure, this person might be your soulmate.
Or (more likely), they’re just very emotionally intelligent!
Emotional intelligence (EQ, for short) is defined as the ability to perceive, express, and regulate your emotions.
Which means you can manage, process, use, and positively understand emotions.
When you’re dealing with a really emotionally intelligent person, they’ll make you feel a certain type of way.
Here’s how, backed by psychology.
1) You feel seen and heard
First up, emotionally intelligent people are unbelievably good listeners!
They know how to actively listen and how to validate others.
When you talk to them, you feel like they’ve really heard everything you’ve said.
Experts say you usually get this feeling from the way they hold eye contact, nod their head, and give you “mm-hmm”s at the perfect moments.
But it can also come from the thoughtful, considerate words they say after you’ve finished talking about something.
Either way, you feel truly seen and heard by them – like they totally get you and everything you’ve just said!
2) You instantly trust them
Do you ever get the feeling that you can just trust everything someone says?
I had this once when I met my real estate agent for the first time (something I never, ever thought would happen!).
There was something about our entire interaction that made me feel like I could trust her.
My instincts were right, as she was fantastic throughout the entire process!
But what made me feel this way? As it turns out, it was her emotional intelligence.
Psychologist, Kevin Dutton, calls this the SPICE effect.
He says five elements create a sense of trust in a person; Simplicity, Perceived self-interest, Incongruity, Confidence, and Empathy.
He says they’ll speak honestly (S), make you think they’re interested in the conversation (P), use distraction wisely (I), speak with confidence (C), and make the conversation or advice personal to you (E).
Only people with genuine emotional intelligence know how to use these elements wisely to build trust. They usually do it without even realizing it, too!
3) You tell them things about your life with ease
People with high emotional intelligence have one thing for certain: empathy!
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person.
When you have empathy, you can anticipate how someone is feeling.
This ability makes you more able to connect with someone and offer meaningful words in return.
What does this mean for you when you’re talking to them?
It means you feel like you can talk to them about anything without being judged for it!
You feel like you can tell them the worst thing you ever did, and they’ll understand.
You feel like you could tell them your most embarrassing moment ever and they aren’t going to laugh.
Basically, opening up to them is so easy for you, and you never worry about what their reaction to something you say might be.
4) You feel good after talking to them
Everything we’ve said so far on this list alludes to one thing: you should feel good when talking to someone with exceptional emotional intelligence!
As it turns out, even the experts say this.
Author, Harvey Deutschendorf, concludes that people with high EQ ask questions that allow you to express yourself and them to understand how you’re feeling.
They also stay away from offensive jokes, “me, me, me” talk, and pushing their views onto others.
Most importantly, they remember the little things about you, too.
The combination of these things simply makes you feel good about being in their company.
Conversations with them feel meaningful, validating, and (most importantly) fun!
5) You hear from them when you need it most
Have you ever been to a social occasion and had the worst time ever?
Maybe a friend of yours really wound you up or someone said something rude – and it kind of ruined your night.
Or have you ever gone to dinner with a friend and just felt like you weren’t being yourself?
When you get home, you get a text from this person checking in.
They ask if everything’s alright and tell you that you seemed upset or not yourself.
Well, people who do things like this are extremely emotionally intelligent!
Experts say people like this pick up on the slightest social cues that give away how someone is truly feeling.
If they know you well, they can tell if you’re upset, angry, or just not being your usual self without you having to say a word.
So you’ll probably always hear from these people when you need it most.
6) You can talk to them about anything
Another trait of an emotionally intelligent person is open-mindedness!
Some believe that people with high EQ are merely people pleasers.
They believe they don’t have opinions on things; that they sit on the fence and never commit to anything.
But someone with true emotional intelligence isn’t like this at all.
They’re actually just very careful with their beliefs and opinions – and how they express them.
Why? Firstly, they don’t let their emotions rule the roost.
They never make a quick judgment and explode in anger before they know the full story.
“They understand their emotions, and because of this, they don’t let their feelings rule them”, psychologist, Daniel Goleman, alludes to in his findings about EQ.
Secondly, they know there’s always more to learn, and there’s always a different perspective to be had on things!
So they keep an open mind in their conversations and are happy to be challenged or have their views changed.
7) You never feel like they overstep
Subtleties in your behavior, body language, and speech give away how you’re feeling.
But most people can’t recognize this in a person.
In fact, you probably can’t even recognize it in yourself, either!
Yet someone with high EQ can.
They can pick up when a topic of conversation is making you uncomfortable or angry.
They can tell when you’re feeling particularly sensitive about something.
Because of this sense they get from you, they have a good understanding of what they should and shouldn’t say to you.
Like if you just went through a bad breakup.
They might have some harsh truths for you, but they can tell when it’s the right time to say them and when it’s the wrong time!
They’ll do this all the time with you, probably not even realizing they’re doing it themselves.
But it means they never overstep with you and say something they shouldn’t.
If they ever did misjudge something…
8) You get an apology when it’s needed
I’m sure we all know those people who never apologize when they’re in the wrong!
Even if it’s so blatantly obvious, they stick to their guns and won’t say the most important word ever (it’s sorry, by the way).
Someone with high EQ isn’t like this at all.
They’re always the “bigger person” in any argument or hiccup.
Why?
Firstly, they’re pretty good at understanding people (namely you), so they can usually see your perspective on things if they’ve said or done something to hurt you.
Second of all, they don’t have a problem with saying sorry if they know you’ll benefit from it.
Like if they’d said something in casual conversation that upset you, they know they weren’t being malicious with it.
But keeping your friendship is more important to them than arguing over what they meant when they said it.
So they just apologize and move on.
9) You get excellent advice from them
In case you haven’t already figured it out, people with high EQ are good at understanding people!
Their empathy, observance, and strong social skills are their most important assets.
Which is exactly why you get such good advice from them when you’re going through something rough.
Like if you were asking their opinion on an argument with a friend.
They’d listen intently to your side, ask questions, and then offer a different perspective on things.
For example, they may offer thoughts on why the other person might’ve done what they’ve done that wasn’t meant to hurt you.
Or if you were just going through a bad time in your life, they wouldn’t say a flippant (and dismissive!) “You’ll get over it” or “Life goes on”.
They’ll actually give you some solid advice – and they’ll probably even be clear that you can take it or leave it, as it’s really up to you how you move forward with things.
Final thoughts
People with high emotional intelligence make excellent friends, partners, coworkers, and even bosses!
Their ability to connect with people and understand them makes them magnetic to be around.
So if you have someone like this in your life, cherish them!
They really are great friends and great people – and they even have the power to make you a better person, too.
It’s like the old proverb says, “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are”.
So the more you hang out with them, the more emotionally intelligent you probably are (or will be), too!
