10 warning signs you’re dating a serial monogamist

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Imagine this: You meet someone special who only has eyes for you. They don’t care about anyone else and want a deep connection.

A monogamist fully commits to one person. No dating around or running off with someone new every week, but one consistent partner in who they’re completely invested.

Obviously, it’s okay to want a personal connection.

However, “serial monogamists” may face some judgment in the dating world.

To know more, here are 10 warning signs you’re dating a serial monogamist.

1) They’re always on the lookout for “the one”

Serial monogamists aim to find “the one” through their constant search, as they have a strong desire in their dating life for a committed and serious relationship.

They may even have a checklist of qualities that they’re looking for in a new partner and have high standards

For these folks, dating success means finding a partner they can commit to and settle down with, pronto! Their romantic life revolves around seeking a committed partner, and they will not compromise on anything less.

It’s the ultimate pursuit of love!

If this seems like your partner, the only way for you to get their attention is to match up to their expectations of being “the one”.

But beware, if they find someone who matches their criteria better, they may not hesitate to move on.

2) They prioritize their relationships over all other aspects of their life

When it comes to relationships, serial monogamists are all in. They’re ready to invest time and energy into their partner, as they have a strong need for connection and commitment with one person.

They don’t mind putting their own needs and other aspirations on the back burner just to shower their partner with love and attention.  They’ll even come up with excuses to skip an important event with a family member.

Basically, they may put all their energy into a new relationship, neglecting other responsibilities, hobbies, and friendships. This can make their lives imbalanced and inhibit personal growth.

While this can be touching, it can also lead to an unbalanced lifestyle that puts too much emphasis on one relationship.

3) Their relationships are impulsive

Serial monogamists act on impulse, always seeking the next partner after their ex – without even taking time to really know their partner.

While acting on impulse can be thrilling, it can also be dangerous.

The idea of dating and the dating process of serial monogamists is about finding the perfect next person and not taking the time to actually get to know them.

Unlike a serial dater, a serial monogamist takes very little time to bond quickly and sincerely with their partner.

This leads them to over-invest when they should take much time to know their partner.

Their relationships, however, are not short-lived.

4) They have a history of long-term relationships

Finding the right partner is only half the battle; staying together long-term takes effort.

Serial monogamists are no different.

In fact, they have a track record of relationships lasting several years, even decades.

Serial monogamists may move on if their partner doesn’t align with future plans, but still invest time and energy to make their relationships work.

Take note: previous long-term relationships don’t equate to being a serial monogamist.

That’s why you have to be wary about their overall patterns and behaviors.

If your partner has a history of long-term relationships but frequently moves on once the relationship no longer serves their plans, you may be dating a serial monogamist.

5) They’re never single for long after a breakup

When you think about it, the dating history of serial monogamists shows that they’re never single for long after a breakup.

They don’t waste time healing and moving on to find a new partner.

While some people enjoy being in relationships and prefer to be partnered up, serial monogamists may have a deeper underlying issue causing them to avoid being alone. 

They might fear abandonment, have low self-esteem, or be codependent. 

The pattern of serial monogamy can become unhealthy if someone’s prone to toxic relationships or isn’t giving themselves enough time to properly grieve a breakup. 

If your significant other’s constantly jumping from one relationship to the next without taking breaks, it might indicate they’re a serial monogamist.

6) Dating a serial monogamist often idealizes and romanticizes the past

Romantic relationships with an ex can be a tricky subject for many couples.

Many compare past relationships with their ex to justify why their current one isn’t working.

Serial monogamists tend to romanticize past relationships to a fault. This behavior can be emotionally damaging, as it prevents them from fully investing in their current relationship. 

People tend to compare present and past relationships. Successful past relationships can lead to high expectations in new ones.

These preconceived notions and high expectations can lead to disappointment when things don’t go according to plan or the relationship doesn’t progress in the same way as their past relationships did. 

Top that with the tendency to stick it out for the duration of a relationship despite any arising issues, and it can be disastrous for both partners. 

7) Cheating – it’s an instant deal breaker

When it comes to serial monogamists, cheating is an instant deal breaker. 

No matter how long you’ve been together, cheating is unbearable. The heartbreak and baggage that come with cheating can be too hard for the serial monogamist to handle.

They suffer not just from pain, but also the dread of abandonment and betrayal.

As mentioned, serial monogamists are wired a little differently from most people. 

They view relationships as a source of security and stability. They expect loyalty and commitment from the get-go.

So if they find out their partner’s a cheater, the trust and safety they thought were there can be completely shattered. Their mental health deteriorates quickly in the wake of betrayal. 

8) Pros and cons of attachment influences monogamy

Attachment influences can have both pros and cons on serial monogamy. 

A secure attachment style facilitates healthy and fulfilling long-term relationships, as it fosters confidence to develop intimacy and reduces the need for constant partner switching for affection.

However, an insecure attachment style can lead to a pattern of serial monogamy.

In the beginning stage of casual dating, everything’s picture-perfect; both of you can’t get enough of each other. 

It’s the honeymoon phase!

However, when the relationship starts to mature and deepen, they start to feel anxious and uncomfortable with their partner’s closeness.

This anxiety leads them to withdraw emotionally and eventually break up with their partner when things get too complicated or difficult.

Beware of partners who struggle with emotions or insecurity in relationships–it could be a red flag.

9) They may act possessive or jealous due to insecurity

Love.

It’s a pretty intense feeling that can bring out someone’s best or worst side.

For serial monogamists, significant time is invested in one committed relationship at once, so the stakes are high.

This often leads to power dynamics in their love life that can result in possessive or jealous behavior

While jealousy isn’t a totally bad thing, it can wreck a relationship with their current partner

Fear of losing someone special can lead to clinginess, not a lack of trust.

For serial monogamists seeking “the one”, communication is key. Talk it out if you spot this behavior in your partner. 

By understanding one another better, you can create a secure foundation for your relationship and ensure that jealousy isn’t the driving force behind it. 

This way, a serial monogamous relationship will be less about fear and possessiveness, and more about enjoying a healthy connection. 

10) The thrill of chase and conquest matter more than the relationship

Last but not least, a serial monogamist values the thrill of the chase more than the actual relationship. 

This tendency is apparent in new relationships coming out of a single life.

Their focus is on the excitement and adrenaline rush of the chase and conquest to find the perfect partner.

We’re talking about spending a lot of time on romantic dates and doing more grand gestures than in their previous relationship.

Once they get into an exclusive relationship, they may eventually lose its appeal and move on to their next conquest. 

However, considering one of their personality traits of being loyal and committed, serial monogamists may realize the importance of making a relationship work and staying with it for the long run.

Sounds complicated?

That’s because it is!

Understand your partner’s desire for the thrill of pursuit by talking about their feelings. Doing so will build a strong foundation and fortify your relationship through thick and thin.

Final thoughts

These warning signs may seem daunting, but they’re not dealbreakers. 

If you’re dating a serial monogamist, relax. The key thing is to communicate openly and honestly about your needs and expectations.

Remember, everyone’s unique in their own journey in life and love. 

Accepting each other’s quirks is key to building a lifelong, fulfilling relationship.

Frankie Pascua-dela Pasion

Frankie was born and raised in Manila, Philippines. She is a graduate of Humanities from the University of Asia and the Pacific.

Frankie is a seasoned Customer Success and Human Resources professional. She is also a certified Life Coach and Career Strategist. She helps people young and young at heart to simplify their lives by creating emotional awareness. She also loves working with people who have a genuine interest in breaking their inner limits through their journey of self-discovery and authenticity in their personal and professional lives.

Frankie’s recent venture into writing is fueled by her passion for human connection and meaningful relationships at home, at work, and basically everywhere. She enjoys the research, discovery, and reflection that go into each article as much as she writes about them, in the hopes that her words resonate with, and give perspective to her audience.

Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn: Frankie Pascua-dela Pasion

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