Sadly romance doesn’t come with a rulebook. But still, we all know that there are some unwritten rules when it comes to the dating game.
Knowing when and how to communicate properly with one another can make or break a budding relationship.
If you are worried that your texts haven’t been getting the response you’d like, it’s time to take control and turn things around.
If your texting has been annoying him, he might eventually come straight out and tell you. But chances are he will drop some major hints beforehand.
So, how do you know if you’re bothering someone through text?
Here are 10 strong signs that you’re annoying him over text, and what to do instead.
How do I know if I’m texting him too much? 10 clear signs you’re annoying him
1) He takes ages to reply
Unless he’s got a really good excuse for ignoring you it should never take him days to get back to you.
If you send him a text message and he doesn’t reply within 24 hours, or he isn’t seriously apologetic — then it’s not a good sign he wants to pursue something with you.
Yes, there are the occasional exceptions when he could be legitimately delayed. But this should always be the exception and certainly not the rule.
So, if he always takes a really long time to respond to your texts, at the very least, it suggests that you are low down on his priority list.
It could also be a red flag that he is not as excited to hear from you as you would like — and nobody wants to be with a guy who keeps you hanging.
2) His responses are super short
How to tell if someone doesn’t want to talk to you?
If they are polite and don’t want to ignore you altogether, one of the biggest signs is that his replies are very brief.
He may still respond to your texts, but he might start sending one word answers.
For example, if you write a sentence or two about what you’ve been doing and he just replies with “nice!”.
Or you tell him a funny story over text and all you get back is “haha”.
These serve almost like full stops to the conversation.
3) He doesn’t ask you questions
Questions keep a conversation going and are a signal that you are taking an active interest in someone.
Of course, sometimes we don’t always need to ask questions to keep the chat flowing, it can happen more effortlessly.
But conversations should always be two-way street — you give and receive — and both people create the dialogue together.
Questions are one of the tools that we all use to keep that dialogue going.
So if he isn’t asking you anything, it suggests he’s not making an effort to try and keep you talking.
4) You only hear from him sporadically
Perhaps you’ve noticed that sometimes he replies to your text messages straight away and other times it takes him ages to reply or he doesn’t even message back at all.
Scattered behaviour over text often reflects his scattered intentions towards you in general.
It may feel like he is hot and cold.
He may be pulling away when he feels like he is hearing from you too often, but then reaching out when he notices he doesn’t have your attention.
5) You get a distanced vibe
That distanced vibe that you’re getting from him comes from the fact that you are initiating most (or all) of the conversation, and deep down you know it.
Energy exchange drives all of our interactions with one another.
Because so much of our communication relies on far more than simply what we say, it’s common for us to sense when something isn’t quite right.
He may not have told you that you’re annoying him, but his withdrawn energy tells you that you are.
6) You send another message before he’s even had chance to reply to the previous one
Whilst some social norms can seem outdated or even silly, many are there to help guide us.
They set up expectations so we know what to anticipate from one another.
One of the simplest social etiquette rules when it comes to texting him is — don’t send another message before he has had a chance to reply to your previous one.
Of course, if you are already in a long-term relationship, you can send a few messages in a row.
But you should never be bombarding him with unanswered texts. It can be overwhelming or come across as demanding and needy.
Similarly, if you are always the one who is initiating contact over text and he never messages you first — it is a sign that things are too one-sided.
7) You think you’ve been a bit over the top
When we’re following a romantic spark we can so easily get carried away or overthink things.
It totally happens to us all.
But most of us also notice when we’ve started to go a bit over the top and need to pull it back a bit.
Maybe you’ve sent one too many drunken 3 am texts that went unanswered. Or perhaps you feel like you’re trying a bit too hard or not really being yourself.
If you feel like you’ve crossed the line, then there is a good chance you have, and you may need to take a breath and relax.
It’s not your job to impress him, he has to do some of the work too.
8) He tells you he’s really busy
If he lets you know that he is really busy right now, it could be a verbal cue for you to chill.
Letting somebody know that we are busy can often be our way of politely asking for a bit more time or space.
So if he tells you that he’s tied up at work or with his friends right now, leave him to it and don’t send any more messages for now.
9) You are texting him for the sake of it
A text to let someone know you are thinking of them can be really sweet and thoughtful.
But when you find yourself messaging all the time, without anything in particular to say, that can quickly become intense.
If your messages have become pointless, and you really don’t have anything in particular to say, it can be best not to say anything at all.
Messages should have a point — even if that point is to strike up a real conversation.
So, if you are sending multiple texts throughout the day just to “check in” but it isn’t really going anywhere, it might get annoying.
10) He has stopped responding
In an ideal world, we would just be honest and upfront about how we feel. But some men will still take what feels like the easier option, and just ignore you instead.
It’s cruel and unnecessary, but when this happens it’s a case of “actions speak louder than words”.
If you have sent a couple of messages and haven’t heard anything back for a few days, take it as a sign that he could be trying to fade out the communication between you.
I want to text him but I don’t want to be annoying
If you’re a chatty and open person, you may worry that you don’t really know the “perfect” amount of texts to be sending him.
It’s important to remember that there isn’t a right or wrong amount of communication between two people.
But what you always want to aim for is a balanced amount of communication between you.
All connections and relationships are a partnership after all. You give, they take and you take, they give.
Both of you should be contributing to that.
The key is to show you’re interested without annoying him over text.
With that in mind, here are a few very simple ways to improve your texting with him.
1) Give him time and space to respond
If he takes a few hours to respond, try not to jump to conclusions and allow him some time to reply — without sending any more messages in the meantime.
You don’t know what he’s doing, so try not to assume.
If somebody does not respond, they are either busy or don’t want to talk to you.
Whichever the case may be, respect their decision, rather than being pushy.
2) Send him a text that’ll grab his attention
Here’s the thing, maybe you’re not annoying him. Maybe he’s just unsatisfied in his life, and he’s taking it out on you.
Unfortunately, this happens a lot.
This is something I learned from the hero instinct.
Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this revolutionary concept is all about tapping into a man’s three innate drivers.
This is something most women don’t know about.
But when these drivers aren’t triggered, men lose interest. Quickly.
This free video explains more about the hero instinct and how using it will help you recapture his attention and his heart.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”. Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to feel interested in a woman?
No. Forget Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in need of rescuing to get his attention.
What the hero instinct reveals is that these drivers are hardwired in men’s DNA and when triggered, a switch flips. They start to recognize how much they want you in their life. Even to the point where your messages will end up being the best part of his day.
And the truth is:
Triggering his hero instinct comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. All you need to do is make small changes to how you treat him, awaken his inner hero, and see how quickly he starts responding to you.
And the best way to do this is by checking out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as the exact text messages to send him to trigger this very natural male instinct.
So if you want to message him without feeling like a nuisance, you need to check out Bauer’s genuine and simple advice.
3) Let things progress at a gradual pace
The amount of communication you have over text will often depend on the stage you are at in your relationship.
Especially when it’s early days, you don’t want to start off at a million miles an hour.
Instead, you want to allow for things to naturally and organically pick up pace.
If you’re still getting to know one another, then sending him dozens of messages throughout the day just to “check in” or see “what’s up?” could come on a bit strong.
4) Always have something to say
Don’t be that person who only ever says “hey” and not a lot else.
The reason this can feel annoying is that it puts pressure on the other person to create the conversation, even though you are the one who started it.
So whenever you send a text, try to be clear in your own mind first what you have to say and where it’s going.
5) Use emoji’s and GIF’s sparingly
A well-placed emoji or GIF can be cute, funny and reinforce what you have to say.
With more and more communication happening online these days, they also play an important role in replacing the signals we would normally give off through body language or tone of voice.
But sending too many or on sending them on their own in place of conversation, can start to feel like the spam of the texting world.
6) Let him lead
All romantic communication is a bit of a dance.
So if you’re unsure of the pace and rhythm to go at, one of the simplest solutions is to let him lead for a while.
Generally speaking, if a guy is interested, he’ll reach out.
That certainly doesn’t mean you can’t text him first, or take the initiative.
It’s not easy for guys either and most men want to know where they stand and will find you reaching out sexy.
But just don’t get carried away and try to stay in tune with the cues he is also giving off.
7) Keep it balanced
Roughly speaking, a text ratio should always be even.
That means for every one text you receive, you send one text back.
Try to avoid sending him more texts than you received and vice versa.
That way you’ll feel more secure that you both want to be talking to one another, because you will both be responsible for driving the flow of communication between you.
8) Get out of your own head
I know it’s easier said than done, as when we really like someone we can easily overthink things — but try to relax.
If you’re falling into relationship anxiety overload, consciously take some mental space and distract yourself for a while.
Go have some fun, leave your cell phone at home, see friends, get lost doing something else.
Remind yourself that you have a life without him, so don’t be afraid to live it.
9) Hit pause as soon as his replies slow down or stop
Avoid spiralling further down into a loophole of annoying him over text, by pumping the breaks when you see his responses have slowed down or maybe ceased altogether.
That doesn’t mean ignoring him, it just means recognising that before the lines of communication start to flow again between you — he needs to catch up.
Bottomline: How do you know when to stop texting a guy?
In matters of the heart, we all have a tendency to make things more complicated than it needs to be.
But the short answer is that you stop texting a guy as soon as he stops reciprocating the communication between you.
As soon as you notice that your messaging has become totally one-sided, you should stop or, at the very least, hold back until he starts texting you back again.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.