You haven’t had a date in ages, and so once and for all, you want to know if what you’ve suspected for a long time is true— that you’re *gulp* unattractive.
You’ve had enough of the “love yourself no matter what” self-talk and you’ve figured that the better approach is to really look at a problem straight in the face so you can actually make the steps to become better.
Alrighty then. To help you find your answers, here are 40 signs you’re probably unattractive.
Take note that attractiveness doesn’t just mean our physical appearance, so we’ll not just be talking about looks!
1) You’ve always felt ugly
You’re not blind. You know you’re not a looker. It’s a fact you’ve always known since birth. You have no doubt about it.
What you feel about yourself matters a lot and I’m not just talking about mental health. Feeling ugly affects your attractiveness level! If all your life you feel like you’re an ugly duckling that no one can love, then you will turn into one, if you haven’t already.
What to do: Go to therapy and start reading self-help books and articles on truly loving yourself.
2) People baby you on your looks
Your friends and your mom always compliment you as if you really NEED those compliments because you don’t get enough of them.
What to do: Well, you can’t hate them for showering you with love. Be thankful you have your people and just work on becoming the best version of you.
And oh, there’s also a possibility that they’re genuine with their compliments but you’re having a hard time believing them because you don’t like yourself. Again, work on #1.
3) People tend to ignore you
A pretty clear sign that you’re unattractive—whether inside or outside—is that people in general don’t seem to pay attention to you. They might acknowledge your presence every now and then, especially when you have something to offer them, but otherwise, you end up feeling like you’re being set aside or ignored.
What to do: Whatever happens, don’t overreact. Try to think about whether there’s something in your body language (arm crossing, etc) or attitude that is making people not want to interact with you.
4) People tend to forget you
People forget your name or forget you even exist that you start to wonder if you’re a ghost. They forget to invite you to parties and it starts to really hurt your self-esteem.
What to do: The truth is, it probably really isn’t that they don’t like you, it’s just that you should work on something that can make you more memorable. Maybe start with your fashion or the things you say. Work on becoming more unique, and it doesn’t mean being weird just for its sake.
Don’t be scared to bring out the authentic version of you because that’s the only way to be original.
In the end, physical attraction isn’t that important for a long-term relationship anyway.
5) People often ask you if you’re stressed
“You seem tired.”
“Are you okay?”
“Did you sleep well?”
Hello no, you aren’t tired and you slept 10 hours last night. You know they mean well but when people ask you this often, you know you LOOK tired and that’s not alright.
What to do: This can be easily solved with a concealer or a better hairdo. You shouldn’t take this seriously because I’m sure even Taylor Swift gets these questions often. You just have to know how to look fresh even on the most tiring days.
6) You’ve been told that you’re ugly more than a couple of times
Maybe when you’re in primary school, a bunch of bullies called you ugly or fat. Is this proof that you’re ugly? Hmm…not really. Or maybe it is proof that you’re not so attractive to the standards of 10-year-old girls but that little girl is not you now.
You’re a grown up and you’ve certainly become better. I mean, at least now you brush your hair and put on lip gloss.
Bullying has consequences to how we perceive ourselves and this surely is one of the reasons you question your attractiveness. This will also make you hide in your shell for the fear of having more hurtful experiences with peers.
What to do: Therapy works wonders here.
7) No one flirts with you
When you’re out with your friends, you notice guys buzz around them like bees to flowers. But not to you, except maybe once or twice. This doesn’t only make you pity yourself, it makes you want to scream at the heavens “WHYYYY”?
What to do: It’s not really how your face looks per se. You see so many girls who have weird to average faces who’re totally hot. What they have is confidence. It shows in how they carry themselves.
Real confidence is from the inside out so work on that. Aside from psyching your way to confidence, you can join the theater or try public speaking classes to help you become less shy.
8) You don’t flirt back when there’s an opportunity
So you thought that you’re unattractive and no one really flirts with you but that’s probably not 100% true. There were instances when guys made advances to you but for some reason, you just froze or pushed them away.
You’re probably a little insecure, you think you’re not deserving of love and attention and you start to question their intentions.
What to do: Challenge yourself to just calm down and be open when someone flirts with you. Of course, don’t engage if it’s someone you’re really not interested in. Don’t take it too seriously. Instead, just use that opportunity to hone your flirting skills.
9) Small talk is one way
You sit beside a stranger on a bus and you start a small chit-chat just to be nice. And what do they give you in return? A smile that says “Not really interested.” Holy crap! You’re not even interested in them, either!
What to do: I know it’s hard especially if you’re insecure about your looks but don’t take this personally. It will do you no good to always collect these bad experiences and use it as a reflection of your attractiveness.
10) Your greatest fear is rejection
Because you’ve been rejected many times before—whether it’s from your teachers, friends, or your love interests—you don’t want to try again.
You want to shield yourself from yet another hard blow because every rejection would feel like a validation that you’re not good enough…or that you’re really awful.
What to do: This seems a little counterintuitive but the best way to be good at rejection is to get more of it. Go ahead and collect rejections. This will make you not care about rejection at some point.
11) You never cared about your looks like other girls do
Without this glaring truth about you not getting dates, you wouldn’t really give a damn about how you look. You have a few clothes and you really don’t have what others call a good skincare routine.
You don’t care because you think it’s superficial to care about these things. Besides, you don’t know where to start because you think there are just too many things to fix about yourself.
What to do: If you’re not putting in any effort, don’t expect things to get 100x better. Look, if you’re overwhelmed, you don’t have to do a lot. Just cover the basics—basic hygiene, basic skincare, basic make-up, and you’ll be a lot better than continuing not to care!
12) You think pretty girls are annoying
For you, pretty girls are shallow and you find shallow girls annoying. Maybe it’s because you think they’re shallow. Maybe because you’ve always seen them as your enemy because you feel ugly.
It’s only natural that we get a little annoyed by those who have “more” than us, but you promise yourself you don’t ever want to be like them.
What to do: Look for girls who are both pretty and smart, pretty and talented, pretty and doing something truly meaningful. There are many of them. Look at AOC!
13) You’re thirsty for compliments (but don’t know how to take them)
When someone tells you that you have really pretty eyes, you blush and say “Nooo, they’re just normal.” or “That’s what they say to ugly people. Haha.”
You want to hear compliments so bad because you didn’t get a lot growing up so when it’s handed to you even with good intentions, you start to wonder if it’s true.
What to do: Learn how to accept compliments. And try to give an honest one to someone else. You’ll realize that not all compliments are fake.
14) You hate looking at yourself in the mirror
There are those people who can’t stop looking at themselves. They check every mirror or reflective object they pass by. But you? Nah. Ya good with just the 5-minute check in the morning. We add value to anything we put our attention to.
Do not feel surprised if you feel unattractive because you haven’t been paying enough attention to your looks all this time.
What to do: Instead of looking at your scars or big nose, look at your best features. Maybe you love your curly hair. Focus on that next time you look at yourself in the mirror.
15) People don’t look at you in the eye
You notice that people don’t give you dirty looks…not even any kind of look! It’s really affecting your self-esteem because you know that if you’re attractive, they wouldn’t want to look away.
What to do: Maybe you’re not the best-looking person in the world, and you have to accept this fact. However, you’d also be surprised to know that not too many people have good communication skills to actually keep eye contact while talking.
Don’t use this as an indicator of your attractiveness because you’d be bound to feel ugly.
16) You secretly envy other women
Some women, to your eyes, just have it easy. They are gifted with good genes, good childhood, good everything. This envy strikes when you see someone really pretty or really sexy, and especially if they have a boyfriend who treats them like a kween.
What to do: Stop that envy. Picture in your head that those girls have many other problems and insecurities which is most likely the truth. Envy is normal but it’s not at all useful.
17) You have a poor relationship with your body
Are you friends with your body? Do you feed it well, take care of it, treat it with TLC like it’s owned by the most important person in the world? If your answer is no, then maybe it’s precisely the reason you are (or you feel) unattractive.
Maybe you felt unattractive before due to bullying, that’s why you subconsciously hate your body. Sometimes, when we are too discouraged, we don’t even want to try.
What to do: Well, you know exactly what to do. Take care of yourself! If you’re feeling ugly because you hate your crooked nose or asymmetrical face or big pores, you can work on getting healthy and fit. A person who takes good care of their body—even if they’re not gifted with the prettiest face— becomes sizzling hot!
18) It’s hard for you to talk about physical flaws
Even though you’re not obsessive about trying to fix your many flaws, you take physical flaws too personally. Someone comments about your pimple and you explode inside. Your friends share about their insecurities, you remain quiet.
You’ve developed deep insecurities that you can’t even talk about them, much less laugh about them.
What to do: Don’t let your flaws hold power over you. Try as much as you can to talk about it lightly. Laugh about your flaws and embrace them because they’re uniquely yours. Imagine a balding guy who tries to hide his baldness by combing his hair in a weird direction.
You’d want to hug him and say, “Just own it”. Say the same thing to yourself.
19) You think taking care of your looks is superficial
When girls talk about make-up or any wellness fad, you zone out. For you, it’s just looks, something that will not be relevant in 30-40 years anyways. Why spend money and precious time on things that are not really that important?
Since you’re already reading about this, it’s probably safe to assume that you now find it important so don’t hold back. Work on the things you want to improve. You’ll thank yourself for it.
What to do: Keep it simple. You don’t have to do that 12-step Korean skincare routine. But make sure you know the basics. There are many tutorials on Youtube like 1-minute makeup, easy hairstyle, and the like.
20) You sometimes slack off on personal hygiene
There are some days that you forget to put on deodorant or you skip brushing your teeth. It’s totally normal. But if those “some days” have become “most days” and you notice people having weird looks when you’re close to them? Then sadly, you’ve become a slob and slobs are anything but attractive.
Even the prettiest face can’t make up for poor hygiene. The good news is that you can easily fix this.
What to do: Well girl, don’t slack off. Find the right products that can really help you with your problems. You’re a grown ass woman and you need to get this covered already. If you know how to drive, then it should be easy to take care of hygiene with the right products and self-discipline.
21) You care so much of what people think
You’re self-conscious and insecure and it shows. You’ve never felt like you’re special, and in fact, you have a feeling everyone’s against you, so you’re more sensitive and hyper-aware of criticism.
You get slightly offended when someone looks at you in a certain way or someone says something not-so-nice about you or your work…and especially how you look.
What to do: Remember that no one really cares so much about other people. Each of us cares only about ourselves at the end of the day. If you made a blunder earlier today, trust me it’s already forgotten before the sun sets.
22) You try to impress others
The problem with caring too much about what others think is that you’d always look for external validation as proof that you’re good enough. And this includes your level of attractiveness.
As a result, you’d want to impress others but because your main goal is to get a good reaction from them, you don’t show who you truly are. You’re trapped in people-pleasing that the real you becomes more hidden.
What to do: Impress yourself. What do you think your authentic self wants you to be? Be that! Being true to oneself and not giving a damn about other people make people irresistibly attractive.
23) You’re bitter
You always see the bad stuff in every single thing. You’re simmering in your own bitterness and you’re kinda getting comfy in it. This is probably one of the top three most unattractive traits out there. Even someone who has the smoothest skin and most captivating eyes would start to lose appeal if all they do is complain.
What to do: Break this toxic habit. Yes, it’s a habit. It’s something your brain goes to by default. It’s not part of your personality. It doesn’t make you more intelligent or cool. Like gossip, it’s a habit you have to cut to have a better life.
24) You’re actually in poor physical health
Maybe you feel ugly because you have a chronic condition and it’s affecting you physically, mentally, and emotionally. And maybe your poor health is directly affecting how you look.
For example, if you have hormonal problems, then it will affect your hair, your skin, and your weight. If you have digestive problems, it could affect the color of your teeth. So no, you’re not imagining it.
What to do: Cut yourself some slack! Focus on your health and well-being, first and foremost. Forget being attractive in a conventional way because girl, trust me, you can be hot. Even someone with cancer who’s thin and bald can still be attractive if they have the right attitude. But for now, focus on your health.
25) You have mental health problems
If you’re dealing with depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses, it will most likely show, and yes, it affects your attractiveness. If you’re depressed, you might not care about how you look and you probably don’t sleep well.
If your condition has become chronic, it will also have long-term effects on your attractiveness. Your skin might suffer because you’re not eating and sleeping right.
What to do: Again and again, go to a therapist. Deal with your mental health so you can deal with everything else afterwards.
26) You’ve developed an inferiority complex
If you’ve always felt unattractive, it’s almost certain that your confidence is low. No matter how many praises you get now that you’re an adult, if you haven’t healed your past trauma, you’d always feel inadequate.
This is the reason many acne sufferers still feel they have ugly skin when it’s already smooth. Acne has scarred not just their faces but their view of themselves as well.
What to do: Learn how to love yourself and be more confident. You’re not a loser, you’re not ugly, unless you believe so. Get rid of those voices before you start believing them 100%.
27) You overcompensate
You try to act too confident but it’s obvious that’s not really the case. Notice that the people who brag about their latest purchase are financially insecure? Well, that’s kinda the same for you. You try to show off your achievements because you feel unattractive. Is this really bad? No, but it is a sign of insecurity.
And newsflash: bragging can really make someone unattractive.
What to do: Yes, you can highlight your assets but don’t try too hard. Let people discover them. This humility will make you more attractive. Trust me.
28) You’re somewhat arrogant
Because you’re a bit insecure and defensive, because you want to overcompensate, because you secretly envy other women, you become a tiger who’s ready to pounce at any attack. You become sassy and arrogant too.
You want to show others that even if you’re not pretty, you’re not to be messed with. You’re smart and powerful and you want to highlight your strengths by putting them down.
What to do: Do you really want to be arrogant? I don’t think so. It’s an unattractive trait. No one wants to sit at a table with someone arrogant. Maybe you aren’t even really physically ugly and what you have to fix is your attitude. How to fix this? Deal with your deeper issues.
29) You have no interests
When a date asks you about your hobbies, you really can’t think of anything else other than watching Youtube videos. You have no interest in history, politics, music, art, cooking…ugh, everything bores you.
If you have to choose between an average-looking guy whose face lights up when he talks about his interests or a Harry Styles lookalike who has zero hobbies, I’m sure you’d choose the first one.
What to do: Remember that only boring people get bored. There are so many things you can learn and try. If you want to be attractive, be passionate about something, even if it’s just collecting coins!
30) You’re not learning and growing
This is similar to the one above but it’s more focused on growth…and there are so many avenues for growth. Are you growing in your career? Are you growing in your spirituality? As a member of your community?
Imagine meeting someone who used to complain about his job 10 years ago, and he’s still in the same job until now. Well, how unattractive is that. Don’t be that person. It’s not at all sexy.
What to do: If you feel like you’re stuck in a rut, move. Do you have big and small goals you’re working on? It doesn’t have to be something special, it just has to matter to you. Take one baby step at a time. Grow!
31) You surround yourself with unattractive people
Misery loves company, amirite? But also, you become the people you’re surrounded with.
Chances are, it’s more like the latter but it started like the former. You don’t feel too confident about yourself so you look for folks like you but then you become trapped in your negativity, gossip, and bad habits. You then pull each other down.
What to do: Try to assess the people closest to you. Do you find them attractive? And I mean, beyond looks. If not, set a good example. It would also help if you try to surround yourself with other people, those who have a healthier mindset and healthier habits.
32) You’re too rigid
You know what’s the opposite of sexy? Rigidity. People can’t be drawn to you if you’re too bossy.
How can they approach you without fearing you’ll kill them with your stare? When some men say they like a girl who’s cheerful, they don’t actually mean that the girl has to laugh and giggle all the damn day. What they mean is that a woman should not be too rigid.
What to do: I know you think there’s nothing much you can do because it’s your personality but hey, you’d be surprised that personalities are fluid and malleable. The first step is to try to manage your anxiety and stress level. Then look for other tips on how to become more laid back.
33) You lack social skills
Maybe it’s because you feel unattractive that you become awkward with people or maybe you lack social skills that’s why you feel unattractive. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. You check both boxes.
The good thing about it is that there are ways to become good at it because it’s a skill. Like driving and carpentry, it can be learned even if you’re the most awkward person to walk the Earth.
What to do: Before you book an appointment to have your imperfections fixed, work on your social skills instead. It’s less painful and costs almost nothing.
We’re social creatures and we need others so when this cup is not filled, we sometimes blame our looks (especially if we’re already insecure about it) when really, it’s more than that.
34) You prefer to be alone all the time
How can you find guys if you prefer to stay at home on a Friday night than say yes to a night out with friends? If you want to find men, you have to throw yourself out there! And because we sometimes feel less attractive if no one has expressed interest in us for a while, we are convinced we’re truly ugly.
Don’t kid yourself. You’re just not going out a lot!
What to do: Go out more instead of wallowing in self-pity and reading articles about why you’re unattractive 😉
35) You’re judgmental of others
You’re judgmental of others because you’re judgmental of yourself. Being judgmental is like a perfume that you can’t help but share to others when you’re wearing it.
If you notice many of your flaws and you beat yourself up for them, nine out of ten you will notice flaws in other people. If you cut yourself some slack, then you’ll also “blind” of the flaws of others. So if you’re on the judgmental side, especially if it’s something physical, you’re probably not as attractive yourself.
What to do: It’s good to be aware of our flaws but to obsess over them to the point that it affects how we look at others? Dial it back a little.
36) Handsome men intimidate you
Because you feel unattractive, you tend to go for guys that are “in the same league” as you.
And it’s not just physical either, you find out that these men have detestable qualities. You won’t even go near a handsome man because you’re almost sure he’d just wake up one day and realize you’re not really someone he likes.
You’re also sure he’s superficial.
What to do: Look, it’s perfectly okay to be insecure but if it gets in the way of you finding true love because you think you’re not worth it, then you have to stop doing that. Remember, don’t believe everything that you think, especially regarding your attractiveness level. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
37) No man fell head over heels in love with you
You sometimes fantasize that a man would fall madly in love with you, that he’d be willing to do anything just to be with you forever and ever. You know, those Romeo and Juliet kind of stories.
But you never experienced this kind of love in your life. It makes you hate the world a little.
What to do: You’d be amazed to know that it’s not an indicator of beauty at all. Many guys I know fall hard for average-looking girls who they just happen to have a good story with.
38) You feel like you’re fooling yourself
When you try to feel beautiful, you cringe because deep inside, you feel you’re just faking it. You don’t want to tell yourself lies but it seems you have to do it for self-love’s sake. When you go out and act pretty, you feel you’re just pretending and you’ll be caught soon enough.
What to do: Deal with the negative voices first. What made you think you’re not valuable? The next step would be to find the right materials and guidance instead of some candy-coated BS.
39) You hate yourself but just don’t admit it
You’re your own worst critic so you hate every inch of your existence but you don’t ever want to acknowledge this—or god forbid—say it out loud.
You don’t go the extra mile to give yourself the love and attention your body, mind, and heart deserve because you really don’t like who you are and what you’ve become. It’s as if you want to punish yourself by making yourself miserable.
What to do: Maybe you have self-destructive behaviors that are keeping you from achieving your full potential may it be in your career or your looks. Think hard about this.
40) You have unrealistic beauty standards
You find yourself unattractive because you find many people unattractive. You’re hard to impress. And because of this, you get insecure but at the same time, you don’t even want to try because your definition of attractive is hard to achieve.
What to do: Learn to appreciate all kinds of beauty and as cliche as it may sound, try to radiate with joy instead. A great personality will always make an average face beautiful.
If this list describes you to a T, then let this be your sign to have a makeover. You don’t have to look different at all. Just get healthy, have a good mindset, develop some skills, and the most important thing of all—have the right attitude. As cliche as it may sound, attractiveness comes mainly from within.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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