Roselle Umlas
Hey ladies, have you ever been told that you’re too assertive? I certainly have, but I take that as a compliment!
However, it does have a downside – assertiveness can come across as intimidating, especially to men.
But don’t let that discourage you! Being assertive is actually a great trait to have. It shows that you have confidence, determination, and strong communication skills.
Are you wondering if you come across this way? If you’re not sure if you fit the bill, let’s take a look at ten signs that you’re an assertive woman and why men might find you intimidating.
Let’s jump in!
1) You have a clear sense of your values
First up is this – you know what you value most and what you stand for.
Assertive women have a clear sense of their own values and beliefs. They understand what’s important to them, and they make decisions based on those values.
This can be intimidating to men who are used to women who are more flexible or uncertain.
However, having a clear sense of your own values is a sign of self-awareness and integrity, and you definitely can’t have enough of that in this world of uncertainty!
So, because you know what matters most to you, the next sign comes easy for you…
2) You’re confident in your opinions and ideas
When you believe in yourself and your opinions, it shows. You’re not afraid to share your thoughts and ideas, and you stand by them with conviction.
This confidence can come across as intimidating, especially if you’re in a group of people who are more passive or unsure. But really, it’s simply a sign that you trust yourself and your judgment.
Now, just because you’re confident in your opinions and ideas doesn’t mean you’re not open to hearing other people’s perspectives.
You see, that’s the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness – unlike aggressive people, you leave room for others to express their own views.
You understand the give-and-take nature of healthy relationships, so you take care not to impose your opinions on others.
That said, while you understand that communication needs to be balanced, healthy, and effective, you also know that conflict is sometimes inevitable.
This leads me to my next point…
3) You don’t shy away from confrontation
That’s right, as much as you’d prefer to keep things on an even keel, conflict and confrontations sometimes cannot be helped.
But as an assertive woman, you’re okay with it. You’re comfortable engaging in debates and difficult conversations simply because you know that it’s a natural part of life.
Plus, when you truly believe in something, you’re willing to fight for it!
Men may find this intimidating because they’re used to avoiding conflict at all costs, or conversely, they’re used to being able to dominate women in conversations, as this study shows.
But since you can handle conflict in a calm and composed manner, you convey that you’re a mentally strong and mature person.
4) You speak up for yourself and others
Now that we’ve established how you’re confident in expressing yourself, it makes sense to say that you have no qualms about speaking up for yourself.
And not just yourself, by the way. You can also speak up for others when something isn’t right.
That’s because you have a strong sense of justice and a desire to make things right. Does that make you sound like a superhero? Well, you absolutely are!
Why is this intimidating for men? Well, maybe not all men, but those who are used to a more passive or submissive approach.
Also, even if we’ve already moved into the 21st century, the sad truth remains that gender-based stereotyping still persists, especially in the workplace.
Men are still seen as the “take-charge” gender, and unfortunately, many of them still stereotype women as the “take-care” gender.
Crazy, huh?
Fortunately, you’re not one to fit yourself in that box!
In fact, the next section proves this point…
5) You have a strong presence and you take charge in situations
Yep, girl power is well and alive with you!
When you’re assertive, you exude a sense of strength and power. You have a strong presence that commands attention and respect and tells people you’re a leader!
And when a problem crops up? No problem – you can easily step up and take the reins.
Men may find this intimidating because, as I’ve mentioned earlier, they’re not used to women who are confident and in control.
But don’t let that stop you from striding into your workplace with your head up high and that decisive, take-charge attitude!
6) You’re independent and self-sufficient
Independence is something that often goes hand in hand with assertiveness.
After all, when you know what you want out of life, you also know how to go get it! You’re not one to wring your hands in despair and rely on other people to bail you out of difficult situations, and you certainly can fend for yourself.
That’s something that doesn’t sit well with men who are used to dependent or needy women.
But you know what?
That’s okay, because think of it this way – you want a man who respects your independent spirit and can stand beside you, not in front of or behind you!
7) You’re resilient
Being independent means you’re not afraid of taking risks. And you know what they say about risks – sometimes you win, sometimes you don’t.
But that’s not an issue for you because you know that you can get back up every time you get knocked down.
See, that’s the great thing about having clear goals and taking an assertive approach to life – you’ve got your eyes on the big picture, and you understand that the road to your goal isn’t going to be easy.
What matters is that you’re willing to do what it takes to get there, no matter how many times you fall down.
Some men might find this intimidating because, let’s face it – the concept of the strong woman can be scary for less secure men! Those are the types who tend to find women they can dominate, and with you, it’s clear that they’ll lose.
When you’ve been through so much and gotten back up every time, that means you’ve got a strong will and sharp wits, and not every man is secure enough to handle that!
8) You set boundaries and stick to them
Obviously, you didn’t get to where you are and have that fierce sense of independence and resilience without having clear boundaries.
As an assertive woman, you’re pretty set about what you will and won’t tolerate, and you express that by setting boundaries to protect yourself.
You understand that your time and energy are valuable, so you’re not afraid to say no when someone crosses those boundaries.
Men who are used to getting their way might struggle with this, but it’s important to remember that setting boundaries is a sign of self-respect and self-care.
9) You don’t people-please
You know what’s a natural effect of having boundaries and sticking to them?
Not everybody will like you.
I know that sounds unfortunate, but the truth is, we really can’t please everyone. And we shouldn’t!
Here’s the bottom line: people-pleasing is unproductive.
And exhausting.
And frankly, impossible.
When you say no to people or refuse to do them favors that go beyond your boundaries, it’s inevitable to offend some of them.
But that’s life, especially as an assertive woman. You’ve got your priorities right, and you only do things that align with your life goals and core values.
If that doesn’t sit well with some men who’d prefer you go out of your way to keep them happy, well, that’s their problem, not yours.
So, what matters most to you?
10) You are happy with yourself
I don’t mean that in a selfish way, like going after your own happiness at the expense of others’.
I mean it in an overall, holistic way that aligns with your core values.
Are you living a life that’s true to you? Are you comfortable in your own skin?
If the answer is yes, then that means you really are assertive!
You don’t see the need to change yourself to please others, and you’re intent on living authentically, mindfully, and unapologetically.
And though life may get you down from time to time, the fact that you’re so in touch with yourself and your values will always bring you an overall sense of happiness and contentment.
Why is this intimidating for certain men?
Well, it’s pretty simple: it dispels the myth that women need men to complete them.
How to be more assertive
If you find that you don’t meet all the criteria on this list yet, don’t worry – you can certainly start today!
Begin with small steps – practice speaking up in situations where you might normally be passive or unsure.
Surround yourself with supportive and encouraging people who will lift you up and help you grow.
And most importantly, never forget that you are worthy and capable of anything you set your mind to.
By consistently developing these habits, you can work your way up in confidence and handle anything life throws your way!
Final thoughts
Being an assertive woman is about being confident in yourself and your abilities, and having the courage to speak up and make your voice heard.
While men may find this intimidating, it’s important to remember that being assertive is a sign of strength and leadership.
So go ahead – embrace your assertiveness and never apologize for being the strong and confident woman that you are! Don’t let anyone else dim your shine!
