Paul Brian
Some of us need more space than others.
There’s nothing wrong with that, we just have boundaries we don’t like crossed and need more time to recharge from social interactions and group events.
Here’s how to find out if you’re one of these “boundary setters” who just needs a bit more personal space.
1) You’ve learned to trust your internal compass
The first of the signs you’re a “boundary setter” who needs personal space is that you trust your internal compass.
This means that you set your own boundaries and don’t look to others to tell you what you should or should not want.
Simply put, you trust your own judgment.
It sounds basic, and it is, but a remarkable amount of people don’t trust their own intuition and judgment.
They do things they don’t want, attend events they aren’t into and even get into relationships with people where they don’t feel much of a connection.
As a “boundary setter” you’re not the type! You trust yourself and your perceptions and judgments.
2) You don’t feel guilty about asking for personal space
Next up in the signs you’re a “boundary setter” who needs personal space is that you don’t feel guilty asking for space.
When you need it, you need it.
No matter how extroverted you are, you’re highly self-aware and you know when you need a bit more time and space on your own to recharge.
Not only are you not ashamed of asking for this, you don’t feel any weakness or embarrassment about asking for it.
You trust what you contribute to a group and you deserve your time off and your own private space at times.
It’s just the way you roll.
3) You feel more secure in your relationships because you’re being honest
Another of the key benefits and signs you’re a “boundary setter” who needs personal space is that your relationships experience a surge in honesty and well-being.
Far from being a relationship ender, being honest about needing space is actually a courageous thing to say.
A secure partner is not going to take this personally and if they know you well they will understand that this isn’t a personal issue or conflict but just the way you are wired.
Having boundaries in relationships doesn’t mean you are avoidant attachment type or anything difficult, it just means that you may need more space than most and have limits about the amount of physical and emotional intensity you can stomach in one go.
There’s no shame in that.
4) You find you need time alone after group events
Next up is that you set boundaries for your recuperation and space after attending group events or gatherings.
Whether they were business or personal, you need your space after being around many people for too long.
It’s not only in your one-on-one romantic life, but also in your gatherings with groups, that you’ll set boundaries about how much time you spend in groups and how deeply involved you get with them.
If and when you do take part in group activities or events by choice or necessity, you’ll have boundaries for the space you need afterwards alone.
That might be going for a hike or just relaxing at the bar for the evening.
You counterbalance group activities with time alone and that’s just the way it goes.
5) You enjoy socializing, but sometimes you just want to chill
The next of the signs you’re a “boundary setter” who needs personal space is that you enjoy socializing but you have limits about how much of it you want.
In your personal life, you enjoy some deep and casual friendships, but you’re really not a social machine.
There are times when you would honestly rather chill with a glass of wine on your back deck than talk to the most fascinating person in the world.
It’s not that you’re anti-social.
It’s just that you appreciate your need for space to yourself and you truly enjoy your own company.
Nothing wrong with that! In fact, it’s a great thing…
On a related note:
6) You’re honest about when you’re not up for social events and occasions
When you’re feeling drained and need time alone, you’re not shy to say it.
As such, you don’t feel shame or guilt about turning down an invitation or social event.
Of course, there are times when work requires you to show up to meetings or socially-oriented events where you don’t have much of a choice.
But as much as possible, you exercise your free right to turn down voluntary invitations.
People come to learn this about you and accept it.
They understand that you are just the kind of person who needs a bit more space than most.
7) You lose your temper on anybody who keeps infringing on your boundaries
Of course, being a “boundary setter” doesn’t mean everybody is just automatically going to respect your boundaries.
There will be those who straight up don’t respect your need for space and those who try to manipulate you or take advantage of you.
In that regard, even if you’re a fairly even-tempered individual you will observe that one of the few things able to push you over the edge is people who won’t respect the boundaries you set.
For starters, you respect the boundaries of others and it’s only fair they respect yours as well.
Furthermore, you don’t want to set a precedent of being easy to manipulate or overpower, because it will start to reverse the momentum that leads to you losing your personal space.
8) You expect apologies when people cross your lines or socially suffocate you
If and when folks cross your lines, you don’t let them back in your good graces unless and until they sincerely apologize.
People who demand too much socializing or public involvement from you and cross your boundaries of needing space are people you move away from and stop being in touch with as much.
If they accept that you need your space and say sorry for pushing you, you will usually give them another chance.
But part of your boundary setting is that you’re not in the business of being a dupe who lets your lines be crossed repeatedly, especially by the same person.
9) You only take on as much group work as you feel comfortable with and walk away from jobs that force you into constant interaction
When it does come to the subject of work, you have boundaries at work as well.
We’ve all done crummy jobs we didn’t exactly want to do but had to do in order to earn money.
That’s part of the experience of learning and growing.
But one of the top signs you’re a “boundary setter” who needs personal space is that you will turn down jobs that force you into constant interaction.
You tend to avoid sales positions, for example, or group marketing and ventures that put you as a very public face.
You want your space and if your job does demand a big social role you also require that it give you space to recharge as well.
10) You tend to divide life into an extroverted public time and a solitary private time
There are times when business and pleasure mix, and it’s certainly possible to make good friends at work.
But one of the top signs you’re a “boundary setter” who needs personal space is that you tend to divide your life into work and personal.
You don’t tend to mix the both, and if you do then you clearly define the line between recreation and career.
You don’t head out with a friend from work for drinks and end up discussing a stock split with them or your plans for the future of your company.
The two spheres of your life are quite different, and you prefer to keep them that way.
11) You don’t beat yourself up when you fall short of setting boundaries
There are times when even the most disciplined and self-aware “boundary setter” forgets to set boundaries or gets manipulated or persuaded into crossing their limits.
When this happens you don’t beat yourself up.
You stand up for yourself and you do hold yourself to a high standard, but you’re never harsh on yourself about falling short.
You know that expecting perfection from yourself is a recipe for disaster.
If anything you try to learn any lessons you can from your
Give me space
We all need space from time to time.
If you’re a “boundary setter” then you just need a bit more space than the average person.
This often means you have more gifts to give to the world but you need a bit more of a buffer zone to recharge your battery.
Knowing your limits is a big advantage in life, so never be afraid to ask for some space and meet your need for time alone.
