Roselle Umlas
When Facebook launched its Memories feature some years ago, I found it a welcome addition.
You know why? Because itโs always fun to do a little lookback!
Okay, maybe fun is not the right word, especially if the lookbacks inspire nothing but cringe and embarrassment for the random posts you used to do. At least, thatโs how I felt looking through my old stuff.
Be that as it may, I think itโs a good sign that you feel that way. Because it means, youโre a way better person today!
But you donโt need social media to tell you that; you can spot that change in many other ways.
Here are 11 subtle yet profound signs that show just how far youโve come:
1) Youโre no longer judgmental
The other day, I got to talking about books with an old friend I recently reconnected with. She mentioned that her favorite book was Twilight. I simply nodded and we went on talking about other books.
Now, to anyone watching us, it wouldโve looked like just another ordinary conversation. But inside me, I knew it was a landmark moment. Why? Because it hit me just how different my reaction was.
The me five years ago would have said a lot of derogatory remarks about how horrible that series was and wouldโve written her off as someone I didnโt want to know, simply because of her book choices.
Yes, I was judgmental like that. (Heck, when I was even younger, Iโd refuse to date guys with scruffy shoes!)
My point is, youโll know youโve grown up and become more mature when you find yourself being more gracious with people.
When you no longer cast judgment on them and understand that thereโs more to them than meets the eye, youโre definitely a better person than you were five years ago.
2) You donโt care as much about what people say
In the same way, youโve become open-minded and confident enough to not care so much about other peopleโs opinions.
For me, this is one of the best things about growing older. The older I get, the less I care about keeping up, about milestones, about โshould-haves by age Xโ…
Five years ago, I was still people-pleasing, still adjusting to and accommodating whatever people expected of me.
Today, Iโm much more discerning. Iโve realized that not everything deserves my attention and my energy.
That if I want to live the fullest life I can live, I need to follow what my heart really says, regardless of what everybody else thinks.
Which brings me to my next pointโฆ
3) Youโve got stronger boundaries
Knowing what deserves your attention and energy means youโve done the inner work. Youโve figured out which aspects of your life you want to keep and which ones need to go.
Look at the old you five years ago. Could you say โnoโ firmly whenever it was called for? Could you put your foot down and tell a toxic person, โThis is unacceptableโ?
If those were issues you used to have but no longer do, then thatโs great! It means youโve taken better control of your life and that you no longer settle for anything less than you deserve.
4) Youโre more patient
That said, even while youโve become more assertive, youโve also become more patient.
The old me would lash out if my order at a restaurant took too long to arrive. When I wanted my husband to change a habit that didnโt sit well with me, Iโd barely give him enough time to address it before I started nagging again.
These days, it takes a lot more to ruffle my feathers. Like I said, Iโve learned how to be less judgmental and be more choosy about what to spend energy on.
So, a natural consequence of that is that Iโve learned how to manage my emotions better.
Does that sound familiar to you? Then you know what that means โ youโre a better person than you were five years ago.
5) You get less stressed
Speaking of emotional management, youโve probably noticed that youโve also become better at dealing with stress.
I guess this is the end result of all those life skills Iโve mentioned above. Stronger boundaries, better energy distribution, better emotional managementโฆall of those add up to a life that feels so much less stressful than it used to be.
Thatโs not surprising โ stress relief and happiness are strongly linked together.
This means that when you feel less stressed, you feel happier. The happier you are, the more emotional bandwidth you have to be a better person!
6) Youโre more disciplined
Remember when youโd reach for a bag of chips every time you were stressed? Or youโd purchase an expensive bag to make yourself feel better? Or maybe you used to go out drinking on a weeknight then go to work hungover the next day?
I say โrememberโ because in all likelihood, impulsive behavior feels more like a thing you used to do, not compatible at all with who you are today. Today, youโve got a lot more capacity for self-discipline.
The great thing about being disciplined is that itโs reflective of the order you have within you. Of the commitment you have to being a better person.
For one, it shows you have goals (responsible adulthood, yay!). Which then reflects that you have a sense of purpose.
And two, it shows youโre free. Many people donโt equate self-discipline with freedom, but thatโs exactly what you get when youโre focused and working hard (as long as thereโs a balance).
Being disciplined gives you freedom because you learn how to choose whatโs good for you, and ultimately, this gets you to where you want to be.
7) Youโre taking better care of yourself
Naturally, the more self-disciplined you are, the more youโre doing in the way of self-care.
That might sound like a contradiction โ doesnโt being a better person mean being more generous and caring to other people? What does self-care have to do with that?
One word โ everything.
You canโt give what you donโt have. Itโs that simple. How can you be more loving and patient if youโre running on empty? I know that Iโm at my absolute worst when Iโve been neglecting myself.
8) You listen more
This is another thing Iโve noticed in myself the older I get. Iโm not saying I always interrupted people, but often, Iโd listen to reply.
By that, I mean that I would appear to be listening, but in my mind, Iโd be thinking of what to say next. Which, letโs be honest, isnโt really listening.
You might be a better listener than that today. Maybe you no longer just wait for your turn to speak, but youโre now all ears in the truest sense of the word.
If so, then that, right off the bat, makes you a better person than you were five years ago. Because listening is such a powerful skill.
It creates stronger and deeper connections because youโre genuinely interested and wanting to understand.
Iโm willing to bet that the conversations you have now feel so much more meaningful than they used to be.
9) You can apologize for your mistakes
Oh, this oneโs huge. Monumental. A change that Iโm sure everyone around you appreciates.
Owning up to our mistakes is tough, isnโt it? The old you might have reacted defensively or maybe youโd even look around for someone else to blame (something Iโve been guilty of).
But today, somehow, apologizing feels easier. Youโve been picking up a ton of life lessons along the way, of which one of the most important is shedding your ego.
And believe me, thatโs no small feat. The ego is powerful. It holds us back and keeps us locked in a cycle of denial and stubbornness. It takes a lot of maturity to overcome it.
The fact that you can do that is a testament to how much youโve grown as a person. To how compassionate you are now.
And most importantly, how youโve learned one of lifeโs most important lessons โ that relationships are more important than pride.
Not only that, but youโve now also come to this mature realizationโฆ
10) You know you donโt know everything
Isnโt it strange? When we were younger, we thought we knew everything. Folly of the youth and all that.
But as we grow older, the more it hits us that, yeah, we donโt know everything. In fact, we donโt know a lot!
Why then does this mean weโre better people for it?
Because it shows humility and open-mindedness. In short, we become more empathetic.
11) Youโre more grateful and mindful
Five years ago, to be honest, I was quite the angry person. I felt stuck in a rut and listless, and quite mad that my life didnโt go the way Iโd hoped.
But then the pandemic happened and despite all the sorrow it brought with it, it did teach me one thing โ to be grateful and mindful.
I suppose the prospect of death has a way of doing that. All of a sudden, all the little things that used to annoy us donโt matter. All of a sudden, the awareness that our time on earth is limited has made us notice the good stuff.
I wonder why it took a pandemic to teach me that (maybe because Iโm a stubborn person with such high expectations). But this is also what psychologists and researchers have been saying all along.
Gratitude (which requires mindfulness) turns our perspective around. We begin seeing life from an abundant mindset instead of scarcity.
Are you more grateful today than you were five years ago? If yes, then youโve already grown in leaps and bounds.
Because it means you no longer take anything for granted. Youโre more present, and you have stronger and more positive relationships. And you always have hope in your heart.
If thatโs not being a better person, then I donโt know what is!
