Last week I caught my wife cheating. In bed. With the lights on. And music.
It was disgusting and humiliating.
I’d like to sugarcoat this and say she was doing it for a good reason or due to corrosive, long-term problems in our marriage.
But she wasn’t.
She was just cheating for fun and tearing my heart ventricle-by-ventricle out while she did it.
The surprising part is that I should have already seen it coming! There were so many signs that she was screwing another guy behind my back which I chose to ignore.
Here’s a warning for all men out there who have a wife that’s running around on them.
9 tell-tale signs your wife just slept with someone else
1) She’s totally distracted and her hair’s a mess
It’s not like me discovering my wife in bed with her coworker was the first time they’d done it.
This had been going on for months, something I managed to wrangle out of her after hours of confrontation afterwards.
I wasn’t surprised, but I was disgusted.
I wasn’t just disgusted by my wife’s infidelity, I was upset at my own stupidity.
How had I missed the obvious signs?
She’d been coming home looking completely flustered. Her face was red like she was blushing and she was completely distracted with hair that looked like Medusah.
“Oh hey, hi…yeah uh…”
That was our typical after-work conversation. Or she’d already be napping or vibing out to music on the couch when I came home.
I guess her extracurricular fun tired her out a lot.
2) Her phone is never picked up and always on silent
Of course, none of us want to be that jealous guy who’s ringing her over and over.
But at the same time, when there are multiple instances where she lets you go to voicemail, you’ve got to start wondering…
She must be really busy at work, right?
In my case, no. She was really busy with her coworker Owen. Gross.
Whenever I called her phone went to voicemail. Texts? Rarely any answer and when they did they were very short or even abbreviated.
As for her ringer?
I once saw her getting a call on the coffee table while we were watching Game of Thrones. That pink iPhone was on silent.
But I still saw the contact “Owen😊😚” flash across the screen.
She told me it was her brother at the time.
(What the f*ck…)
3) She yells out another guy’s name in bed
One of the worst tell-tale signs your wife just slept with someone else is that she no longer wants to have sex with you.
If she does, it’s as rare as a blue moon.
Even worse, is that she might yell out another guy’s name while in the act with you.
I thank God that my wife never yelled out his name while we were (very rarely) making love, but I’ve had friends who’s cheating wives did this.
I can’t imagine how that would feel having your one and only treat you like a random piece of meat she’s just slept with.
It sounds like a sitcom, but it’s very much real life.
Who wants to have a wife who’s not only cheating on them but even yelling out her lover’s name while in bed?
No thank you.
4) She gets caught out in a lot of lies
If I listed out the lies my wife has told me I would have the world’s longest manuscript.
I’m talking reams and reams of pure, endless bullshit straight from her lips.
Do I sound bitter? I won’t deny it.
My wife really raked me over the coals, and my current struggle to forgive her is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
The problem is I still love her to bits, even though I sometimes hate her and hate what she did to us.
Her lies were about everything:
Her schedule, why she was changing her appearance, who she was meeting, why she didn’t want to have sex, why she was in a bad mood, why she was so tired…
Come to think of it, she even lied about lying.
She once told me she’d gotten a new portfolio at work. When I saw online that it was actually a different person at her job doing that work I called her out on it.
“I never said that,” she said. “I’m 100% sure.”
5) She treats you like a roommate not a husband
Another one of the tell-tale signs your wife just slept with someone else is that she treats you like a roommate not a romantic partner.
One of the reasons this can be hard to spot is that many of us are ready for our marriages to “mellow out” as we age together.
The sex becomes less frequent, conversations may get a little stale and the chemistry might also feel a bit jaded.
That’s why it can be easy to think this is just part of growing mature in a marriage.
Sometimes it can be.
But in cases like mine, it’s a classic sign that your wife has just slept with someone.
She used to come home and when I touched her arm or went in for a hug it felt like I was hugging a stranger or a roommate I’d said hi to a couple times.
I’m not a very touchy feely guy, but I have to admit that the “vibes” were totally off and I felt like something was “off” between us.
Now I know what it was.
6) She always does her laundry alone
Another sneaky one of the tell-tale signs your wife just slept with someone else is that she is very possessive of her laundry.
You can’t get near the washing machine!
Then in those rare times that you maybe want to help out and do a load…
She’s there all secretive and trying to make sure she can clean off this guy’s load from her panties using an extra-rinse cycle.
It’s honestly disgusting.
And now that I know why my wife would always come home on Wednesday evenings and run literally straight to the laundry room with her very bulging gym bag…
I have some very bad images in my mind.
Watch out for this.
Even in our modern day and age it’s quite common for the wife to handle the laundry and the man to take out the trash. You know the old gender stereotype…
At least I know it was true in my marriage.
But realizing that my wife was actually using this as a way to “hide the evidence” definitely threw me for a loop.
I might never think of a load of whites the same way again, let’s put it that way.
7) She’s suddenly obsessed with her physical appearance
My wife is a beautiful woman and there’s no denying that by anyone who knows her.
She’s gorgeous, a knockout, you get the picture…
But she’s never been a primadonna or the type of lady who spent hours in front of the mirror.
A few months ago I noticed a change in her. Endless time preparing herself. Sexy new outfits that seemed a bit over the top just for her job.
Inventive new hairstyles that impressed me quite a bit but also made me feel kind of awkward.
I thought we were getting to that stage of being kind of comfortable around each other, but she looked like she was a supermodel at Calvin Klein.
Well, now I know…
8) She rarely communicates or opens up
If I had to trace back one big sign that I noticed in my wife when she was sleeping with Owen it was this: she shut down.
She’d rarely talk to me and she’d constantly come home flustered and uncommunicative like I was saying.
It was like suddenly hitting the mute button on our whole life together.
I also felt powerless, because no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t seem to get her to open up.
She was beyond my reach and emotionally distant at all times.
It hurt a lot. At least now I know what was going on!
9) Her schedule is changing in unexpected and random ways
Another one of the important tell-tale signs your wife just slept with someone else is that her schedule unexpectedly changes at the last minute.
She was going to be home in 20 minutes, but now she’s “delayed” at work…
She was planning to attend that event with you on the weekend, but she just got a call from her sister and she just can’t now…
And so on.
These last minute explanations for missing things might as well just be filled in on her schedule by the name of the guy she’s sleeping with.
If I look at two months ago I’m pretty sure almost every day would just have Owen scrawled in it.
Am I really that bad in bed?
Of course, like I said I’m trying not to be bitter about this and I’m still trying to repair our relationship and find common ground.
But I’ll never deny the hurt she caused me.
Breaking up is never easy…
If you’ve decided to break up with your wife after finding out she’s cheating on you, I can’t blame you.
Finding out in my case was devastating.
I’ve never wanted an open relationship and I still don’t.
But I do want to do what I can to save our love, and I still care about her.
If you’re in the same boat, here’s some advice…
Saving the relationship when you’re the only one trying is tough but it doesn’t always mean your relationship should be scrapped.
Because if you still love your spouse, what you really need is a plan of attack to mend your marriage.
Many things can slowly infect a marriage—distance, lack of communication, and sexual issues. If not dealt with correctly, these problems can metamorphosize into infidelity and disconnectedness.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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