7 signs your were raised by emotionally distant parents, according to psychology

You know how they say, “It takes a village to raise a child.”

And it’s true; the environment we grow up in, especially our parents, plays a crucial role in shaping us.

But here’s the rub.

What if that ‘village’ or in this case, your parents, were emotionally distant? Ever wondered how it might have affected you?

Here’s the thing.

It’s not always easy to recognize the signs of being raised by emotionally distant parents. After all, it’s our normal, right?

But psychology has some insights that might help.

So if you’re asking, “Was I raised by emotionally distant parents?” we’re here to help. Take a look at these seven telltale signs identified by psychology experts.

You see, understanding is the first step toward healing.

So let’s get started.

1) Difficulty expressing emotions

Here’s the first sign.

Ever find it hard to express your emotions? Maybe you’re not comfortable saying “I love you” or showing affection. Or perhaps, expressing anger or sadness feels like a monumental task.

Here’s what psychology has to say.

This could be a sign of being raised by emotionally distant parents. Why? Because children learn emotional expression from their parents. If the parents are reserved, the child may grow up believing that expressing emotions is not acceptable or safe.

As a result, you struggle to express how you feel. And that could be a remnant from your past, a sign of how you were raised.

2) Craving for validation

Now let’s talk about something that hits close to home for me.

I’ve always found myself seeking approval from others, almost compulsively. Whether it’s about my work, my choices, or even my appearance – I crave for that validation.

Sound familiar?

Well, according to psychology, the theory is simple. As children, if we don’t receive enough validation from our parents, we might grow up seeking it elsewhere.

In a nutshell, if you, like me, often find yourself seeking validation, remember – it’s not your fault. It’s a learned behavior, a sign of an upbringing where emotional validation was in short supply.

3) Struggling with intimacy

Now, let’s get real for a moment.

Intimacy. It’s a hard word for some of us, isn’t it? It’s not just about physical closeness but also emotional closeness.

And for people like me, opening up to someone, and showing them my true self can feel like stepping into a battlefield unarmed.

Why is it so hard?

Well, psychology suggests that difficulty with intimacy can be another sign of being raised by emotionally distant parents.

When our primary caregivers are distant, we might subconsciously learn that opening up to others is dangerous. We may even equate intimacy with rejection or abandonment.

So if you’re grappling with forming close relationships, don’t beat yourself up. It’s not a flaw. It’s a sign, a piece of your past echoing in your present.

4) Independent to a fault

Here’s something you may not have considered.

Are you fiercely independent? Do you have a hard time asking for help, even when you’re drowning in tasks and responsibilities?

Here’s what’s interesting.

This could be a sign of emotionally distant parenting. As kids, if we couldn’t rely on our parents for emotional support, we might learn to only rely on ourselves.

This can make us fiercely self-reliant but at the cost of being uncomfortable with depending on others.

But you know what?

It’s not a weakness; it’s a sign that you’ve learned to protect yourself in the only way you knew how as a child.

5) A knack for people-pleasing

Let’s think about this for a moment.

Do you tend to put others’ needs before your own? Are you always trying to make others happy, even if it means compromising your own happiness?

It might surprise you, but according to psychology, this could be another sign of emotionally distant parenting.

These children who don’t receive enough emotional attention might become “overly pleasing” adults, always striving to keep others happy in the hope of gaining acceptance and love.

My advice? 

Pause for a moment. It’s not a flaw, but a coping mechanism you learned as a child.

You’re simply trying to create the emotional connection you may have missed out on in your childhood.

6) Perfectionism

Let’s take a deep breath and talk about something many of us struggle with – perfectionism.

Do you always strive to be perfect? Do you believe anything less than perfect is unacceptable?

You’re not alone.

Perfectionism can be another sign of emotionally distant parenting. As children, if our emotional needs were ignored, we might have learned to earn attention by being “perfect”.

We might carry this belief into adulthood, constantly striving for perfection in the hope of being seen, heard, and loved.

Remember, it’s okay to not be perfect.

Your worth is not based on your achievements or how flawless you are. You are deserving of love and attention just as you are.

7) Fear of rejection

Here it is, the most significant sign.

Does the fear of rejection stop you from doing things? Do you avoid expressing your opinions or desires to avoid potential rejection?

This fear can be a sign of being raised by emotionally distant parents.

As children, if we faced rejection or indifference from our parents when expressing our needs or feelings, we might carry this fear into adulthood.

It’s important to remember that it’s okay to have needs and desires, and it’s okay to voice them. Rejection is a part of life, not a reflection of your worth. Your voice matters, and so do you.

Final thoughts

Recognizing these signs can be tough. You might find yourself nodding along, feeling a pang of familiarity. And that might bring up a host of emotions – sadness, confusion, even anger.

But here’s the silver lining.

These signs are not deficits but simply your adaptation to an environment where emotional connection might have been scarce. And just as you learned these behaviors, you can unlearn them too.

Start by acknowledging your experiences. Validate your feelings. Understand that it’s okay to have been shaped by these circumstances. It’s not your fault.

Next, consider seeking professional help. Therapists and psychologists are trained to guide you through this process of unlearning and healing. They can provide you with tools and techniques to cultivate healthier emotional habits.

Remember, it’s never too late to rewrite your narrative. You’re not defined by your past, but by what you choose to become.

So take a deep breath, and take the first step towards understanding and healing. You’re worth it.