Amy Reed
Everyone has relationship issues from time to time.
Anything in life, from job stresses to family dramas, can put a strain on things. But that doesn’t mean it’s time to throw in the towel!
Sometimes, a relationship is worth fighting for, even if it isn’t perfect.
If you recognize these 8 things about your relationship, it might not be tip-top, but it might not be over, either!
1) You talk about your issues
First up is communication. A relationship isn’t anything without good, strong communication – especially when it comes to issues you’re having!
If you both avoid talking about your issues, this really isn’t good. And to be quite frank, your relationship probably isn’t that strong at all.
But things are really bad when you’re the only one who raises the issues. All the while, the other person stays quiet…
Like whenever you feel hurt about something, you bring it up with them. You explain what happened and how it made you feel.
But whenever they feel hurt about something, they stay quiet. They give you the silent treatment. Or they explode in a fit of rage months and months later about something you had no idea about!
These aren’t signs of a good relationship – or a relationship that’s worth fighting for!
But if this never happens in your relationship – and you both make a conscious effort to talk about your issues and work through them, it’s good news.
Provided…
2) Your issues get resolved (and don’t reoccur)
All relationships need a bit of work. I’d be shocked if any relationship that lasted longer than a couple of months went along without one single issue!
But the thing is, it isn’t about the fact that you’ve had an issue that causes problems. It’s whether or not the issue gets resolved…
Let me explain.
Say your partner always scrolls Instagram while you’re out for dinner together. You tell them it upsets you because you feel like they don’t want to spend time with you.
If they apologize and never do it again, the issue is resolved. But if they apologize and keep doing it every time you go out for dinner, it isn’t resolved. And this is a big problem!
Because there’s no point talking about your issues if nothing ever changes.
If all you do is talk about the same issues over and over again in your relationship, this isn’t good. And I think maybe you know that…
But if your issues actually get resolved after you talk about them, and you don’t have to bring them up again and again, it’s probably worth fighting for.
3) Things get better over time
Ever heard of the honeymoon phase? Well, I hate to break it to you, but it’s totally made up! The idea that a relationship is only fun, exciting, and loving in the first few months or years isn’t right.
If you’re in a good relationship, things actually get better over time, rather than get worse. And even though you still have little issues and disagreements, you work through them way easier.
Don’t get me wrong, things won’t be the same as they were in the beginning. But if your relationship is so much stronger now than it was back then, it’s probably worth fighting for!
But if you find yourself looking back on the earlier days and wishing they loved you like they did back then, or that they still treated you how they treated you when you were dating, this is bad, bad news…
4) You love who they are right now
Speaking of the honeymoon phase, which version of your partner do you love? Do you love the person they were when you first started dating? Or do you love who they are right now?
People change over time, that’s just normal. In a relationship, you either grow together or grow apart.
If your relationship is worth fighting for, you’ll fall more in love with them every single day. Each new thing you learn about them makes your relationship stronger.
But if your partner has changed so much that you find yourself wishing they were the “old them”, this isn’t right.
And if you don’t love this version of them, the relationship might have been over a long time ago…
5) The pros outweigh the cons
I think everyone, at some point in their life, has made a pros and cons list about their relationship. I know I have! Except I called it a “reasons to stay/reasons to leave” list.
In my case, the reasons to stay were all physical things. Like how we had a beautiful home together and a cat. And that we’d been together for a long time.
The reasons to leave were more emotional. Like negative things about the way he made me feel, the hurtful things he’d done, and who he’d become as a person.
When things are this way around, it isn’t a good thing. The cons outweigh the pros big time – and it’s probably time to throw in the towel!
But if your pros outweigh your cons and they’re more about the person, it’s probably worth fighting for. Like if you love them, you feel loved by them, they make you feel safe, they support you, etc., etc…
6) They “do” more than they say
As the age-old saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words!”. It’s easy to say you’re going to do something for your partner. Doing it takes a little bit more effort.
Which is why it’s important to remember that your partner saying they’re going to do something isn’t the same as them actually doing it.
Like if they said to you, “I was going to buy you flowers on my way home from work”. Or, “I was going to take you out on a date on Saturday”.
Those are nice things. But they’re also just words. Your partner hasn’t actually bought you flowers or taken you out on a date…
If your relationship is worth fighting for, your other half won’t just talk about the nice things they were going to do for you. They’ll actually do them!
You’ll find yourself saying, “Thank you for getting me flowers” and “Thank you for organizing such a lovely date”.
Instead of, “Oh, that would’ve been nice, why didn’t you?”…
7) They make you truly happy
I think it’s easy to get into the habit of saying you’re happy in your relationship. Because at some point, that might’ve been true.
But ask yourself, does this person truly make you happy?
Try to separate the good in your life from this person when answering this question. If you love your job, your body, and your social life, these things might be making you very happy. But that doesn’t mean you’re happy in your relationship.
When your partner truly makes you happy, just the thought of them fills you with joy. You love spending time with them and most of your happy memories are associated with them.
If you don’t feel this way about your partner, you might not be as happy as you thought. And just because other things in life are making you happy, that doesn’t mean your relationship is worth fighting for…
8) You trust them 100%
A relationship really isn’t anything without trust. I’ve experienced it once before. I stopped trusting the things they said and it was the beginning of the end…
No matter how hard I tried to “forgive and forget”, I couldn’t. Because once that trust had been broken, I could never, ever get it back. And I don’t think I’m alone in feeling that way…
You have to trust your partner if you want your relationship to work. You have to feel like you can rely on them to tell you the truth and follow through on what they say.
But trusting your partner isn’t a choice. When they’ve broken your trust, especially several times, you can’t choose to trust them again. You just have to feel like you can. And if you don’t feel like that, I think you already know what’s wrong…
Final thoughts
Love is a beautiful thing. But some love is only meant to last a short while.
Things change in a relationship all the time, especially when you’ve been together for a while. People change, too.
And sometimes, two people just aren’t meant to be together forever – no matter how good things were in the beginning.
When you start debating whether a relationship is worth fighting for, something is probably already wrong – and I think maybe you know it.
That being said, there might still be hope for you. If you recognize any of these signs, things might not be lost for good. You might just be going through a rough patch. And your love might be well worth fighting for!
