Amy Reed
“Love conquers all” – is a beautiful saying, but it isn’t always true.
In relationships, love isn’t all you need. Because no matter how much you love someone, a relationship may still end someday.
Few relationships are supposed to last forever. Some (most, in fact) are much, much shorter. They still teach us things and/or give us good memories. But they’re only ever meant to be short-term.
The relationships that last a lifetime are much rarer – but they’re still out there! They just need solid foundations and a few fundamental things to withstand the test of time.
Want to know if your relationship is rock solid? Watch out for these 8 signs your relationship is going to last.
1) You talk about the future together
First things first, when your relationship is rock-solid, the “future” is something you talk about often and genuinely. It isn’t a subject you avoid like the plague or simply “go along with”.
My ex and I never really talked about the future. We’d talk about some things, but we didn’t make concrete plans or discuss the long-term.
We knew we were heading down separate paths, so the future was a topic we avoided (until, of course, we couldn’t avoid it any longer!).
Quite often, we’d use the words “I” instead of “We” when we talked about having kids or getting married. We’d say things like, “When I have kids…” rather than “When we have kids…”, etc. etc.
But when your relationship is rock solid, you talk about the future openly. You make plans together and you’d never dream of using the word “I” instead of “We” when talking about the big stuff.
2) You see eye-to-eye on most things
Shared values and interests are important in a relationship. If you have fundamental differences in how you want to live your life, this can cause problems.
The fact that your boyfriend wants to spend all his time traveling the world might not be a problem now. But it might be in 10 years’ time.
Or the fact that he believes the Earth is flat or that lizard people exist (and you don’t).
Sure, you don’t need to have exactly the same interests, hobbies, and opinions to be in a happy, healthy relationship together.
But agreeing on the “big” stuff is important. And if you and your partner have nothing in common (besides the fact that you like each other), it might not work out long-term.
3) You want the same things
I remember watching “The Bold Type” when (spoiler alert!) Sutton marries Richard – and they split up shortly after when he learns that she never wants kids.
“How can you get married to someone without first finding out whether they want kids?!” – was my exact reaction.
I’ve never known a couple to stay together after learning that they don’t want the same things in the future. Kids and marriage are the biggest dealbreakers, but it’s not just those things that can break a couple’s future.
If one wants to move abroad, but the other doesn’t, that probably isn’t going to work. Or if one wants to travel and the other doesn’t, someone has to lose out.
Relationships like this can work with some compromise. But it’s often a difficult process. If you agree on what you want now, things are much easier and your relationship has more chance of lasting.
But if you don’t? It might not be such a good thing…
4) You have your own friendships and interests
When one person doesn’t have any friends or interests outside of the relationship, it can become codependent. This is a dysfunctional type of relationship where one person fully relies on the other.
My friend found herself in a codependent relationship when she became all her boyfriend had in life.
When he moved in with her, he became unemployed and had no friends who lived nearby. He didn’t have any hobbies or things he did on the weekends.
When she went out with her friends, he always wanted to tag along. When she went to work, he’d stay at her place and wait for her to come home.
This went on for years, and eventually, he became codependent on her (and wasn’t happy, overall).
But if you both enjoy your own hobbies, have support networks outside of each other, and maintain individual interests, your relationship is way more likely to last.
5) You go on dates often
Another clear sign your relationship is rock-solid is if you continue to date each other.
Experts say you should always date your partner, no matter how many years you’ve been together. And if you and your partner still organize dates regularly (at least once a month is regular, I’d say), this is a good sign.
When you continue to date, you create quality time together, new memories, and a deeper sense of meaningful attunement, according to experts.
But if the dates have stopped in the early days, and all you do now is sleepover or “hang out”, this isn’t a good sign for your future.
6) You feel emotionally supported
One of the most important things you should feel in a relationship is supported – both emotionally and tangibly.
Being in a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable is painful. They might stonewall you, gaslight you, or just generally make you feel low about yourself.
But when you’re in a rock-solid relationship, you know you can talk to your partner about anything, and it’ll be a good conversation.
Bringing up how you feel doesn’t cause an argument. Nor does it lead you to feel crappy about yourself from them not listening or outright judging you.
When things aren’t right, you’d rather talk to anyone except them when you’re feeling low. Maybe you even hold back on telling them certain things for fear of what they’ll say. Which, it’s safe to say, isn’t healthy to do long-term!
7) You’re kind to each other
Every relationship is different. Some people like to make light-hearted fun of each other, and it brings them closer together. Others prefer to be nice, with no sarcastic jokes made at the other’s expense.
Both work for different people – as long as both are happy with the arrangement.
Being cruel to one another isn’t funny or light-hearted if the other takes offense, gets upset, or feels insecure about the “jokes”.
But even so, if you’re OK with some jokey criticism occasionally, kindness should still exist at the heart of your relationship. Your partner shouldn’t be critical of you 24/7 for the sake of being “funny”.
Nor should they be outright rude, mean, or patronizing toward you on a daily basis.
If they are, it can slowly chip away at your confidence. And the relationship might not last as long as you think it might.
8) You trust each other
A relationship isn’t anything if it doesn’t have trust. When your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks your trust, it’s very (very!) hard to get it back again.
The person you’re dating should be someone you can rely on and depend on. You should feel safe and comfortable being around them – like you can count on them that what they say is true.
My friend dated a guy once who lied about his age and where he lived. She found out accidentally when she saw his driver’s license about six months in.
After confronting him and hearing him out, she decided to stay with him. But the thing was, she couldn’t trust a thing he said from that point on!
The doubt was always there in the back of her mind. Eventually, she had to end things. Because if she couldn’t trust the guy now, she knew she was never going to.
The same rules apply if the person you’re dating has cheated. If you’re always doubting whether they’re really out with a friend or working late, this is no way to live.
But if you can rely on your partner, trust them 100%, and never feel like they’d do anything to hurt you (like lie or cheat), there’s a good chance your relationship is rock-solid.
Final thoughts
No matter how much you love someone, love isn’t the only thing that keeps two people together. You need so much more for a relationship to last.
Trust, shared values, a sense of independence, and mutual respect are just some of the foundations needed for a relationship to go the distance.
And, sadly, if your relationship doesn’t have those things, it might not withstand the test of time.
Letting go is never easy, especially if you’re still in love (which is possible despite not doing any of these things!). But sometimes, it’s for the best.
Because the perfect person for you (who meets all your needs) could be waiting for you to make the right choice and end up with them!
