8 signs your relationship is making you lonely 

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Are you feeling lonely even though you’re in a relationship? 

That can be really tough. The one person who’s meant to be there for you, for whatever reason, isn’t.

But don’t worry, hopefully, this article will help you understand the reason you’re feeling this way so you can start to make a meaningful change. 

Below, I’ve listed 8 signs that your relationship is making you lonely. Read on to find out what could be going wrong and what you can do about it.

1) You don’t feel emotionally fulfilled 

Your partner might physically be with you all the time, but if you can’t share things such as:

  • Your emotions
  • Your thoughts and opinions
  • Your vulnerabilities 

It’s no wonder you feel lonely. You see, physical presence is just one aspect of being in a relationship. 

The rest comes down to how emotionally fulfilled you feel. 

Can you talk in-depth with your partner about things? Or do they shut the conversation down

I know how it feels to be in this situation; many years ago I had a partner who was emotionally unavailable.

When I used to complain to friends, they’d say, “But you’re always hanging out? What more do you want?”

An emotional connection. That’s what I wanted, and probably want you crave too. 

2) Your partner doesn’t make you feel important 

We all want to feel important and special in our relationships, right? 

That’s what sets them apart from platonic relationships; the feeling of being desired and wanted, of being a priority in someone else’s life. 

So, if your partner makes decisions without you, or does things without thinking about your feelings, it’s another sign your relationship is making you lonely. 

More than that – it makes you feel insignificant. 

Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean you have to break up straight away. At the start of my marriage, there were times when my husband put me on the backbench. 

But when I expressed how I felt, he was deeply regretful. He’d been in over his head with work. After our conversation, he made a real effort to involve me in things and think of me more. 

So, it goes to show. Sometimes, you really do just have a crappy partner, other times a good heart-to-heart is needed for them to recognize how their behavior affects you. 

3) Your partner is physically absent

Now, we’ve spoken about emotionally being distant, but what about physically? 

If your partner works away or is just out of the house most of the time, it’s another sign that your relationship could be making you lonely. 

You want to enjoy a nice dinner together, but instead, you end up eating on the sofa, with only Netflix and the cat for company.

When you go to bed, the cold, empty side where your partner should be is a stark reminder that you’re alone.

Of course, this may be something you can change if your partner is willing to make some adjustments. Whether that be cutting down on the gym after work or spending slightly less time out with friends. 

But if it’s your partner’s job that requires them to be away most of the time, you need to get creative. Work together to find a solution that benefits you both. 

4) You feel alone even when you’re together

Remember the ex I mentioned earlier, who was emotionally distant?

Well, another thing he used to do was spend hours scrolling on his phone. I’d try to have a conversation, and he’d be distracted, watching YouTube videos or playing games. 

Even though we were together a lot, it never felt like he was present in the moment with me. 

Does this sound familiar? 

If so, it’s a sign that something isn’t right. Perhaps your partner’s heart isn’t in it anymore. Maybe the spark has faded for them. 

The only way you’ll find out is if you confront them about it. And you should. Because no one deserves to be in a relationship and still feel lonely. 

5) Your world centers on your relationship 

One thing I’ve noticed a lot of people do is forget about the rest of the world when they get into a relationship. 

If you:

  • Don’t spend time with family or friends
  • Never make plans on your own without your partner 
  • Have abandoned your hobbies and passions 

You might have fallen into this trap too. 

You see, in the excitement of falling in love, it’s easy to make your partner into your “everything”. 

But this isn’t healthy.

No matter how great of a time you have together, you might still feel lonely because we all need diverse interactions. 

That means hobbies outside of your relationship and a social life that doesn’t always involve your partner. 

6) You feel like you make all the effort 

Another sign your relationship is making you lonely is if it feels one-sided

You’re the one who plans date night. 

You organize the holidays. 

You inject romance and spontaneity. 

And deep down, you wish they’d just make a little bit of effort. 

You’re not wrong for feeling that way. Relationships are a two-way street. There’s only so long you can hold down the fort before you start feeling lonely. 

Again, this is something you can try to discuss with your partner. Perhaps they’ve just got complacent and need a reminder to make more of an effort. 

But if they’re not willing to step up and be an active participant in this relationship, know that you deserve better. 

7) Your partner is cold towards you

Did you know that a lack of physical intimacy can make you feel lonely?

And I don’t just mean sexual intimacy. I’m talking about the little touches that make you feel warm inside; holding your hand, putting an arm around you, stroking or playing with your hair. 

If your partner used to do all this and has recently stopped, it could explain why you feel lonely. 

You’re craving the touches that once told you how much they love you. 

Here’s the thing – if your partner is acting cold and the change is quite sudden, it points to trouble. Perhaps they’re unhappy with something, in which case, you should talk to them about it. 

But if they’ve never been one to show affection, you could either encourage them by initiating it first or consider whether this is the right relationship for you. 

8) You’re unable to resolve arguments

And finally, if you feel like you and your partner are constantly locked in arguments with no end in sight, it’s a telling sign your relationship is making you lonely. 

The truth is, being in a state of tension is emotionally and physically draining. 

You don’t really want to talk to anyone else about it, because you’re afraid of judgment. 

You can’t talk to your partner, because they’re potentially giving you the cold shoulder. Or because you’re worried about setting off another round of arguments. 

So from every angle, you’re isolated.

What this ultimately comes down to is a breakdown in communication. There are issues that you guys are unable to work through.

I’d strongly suggest couples therapy to help you through this. Especially if you and your partner are committed to making things work, despite the tension. 

And in the meantime, reach out to a friend. Speak to your parents or a sibling. Don’t feel like you have to bear this burden alone

Final thoughts

So, we’ve covered 8 signs your relationship is making you lonely. In some of these instances, it could be a sign that the relationship has run its course and its time to move on. 

On the other hand, if you feel there’s still love there and a chance to make it work, be honest with your partner. If they really value you, they’ll do what’s necessary to make you feel less lonely.

Kiran Athar

Kiran is a freelance writer with a degree in multimedia journalism. She enjoys exploring spirituality, psychology, and love in her writing. As she continues blazing ahead on her journey of self-discovery, she hopes to help her readers do the same. She thrives on building a sense of community and bridging the gaps between people. You can reach out to Kiran on Twitter: @KiranAthar1

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