13 clear signs your personalities just don’t mesh well

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You’ve been dating someone for a while, but you’re not sure they’re right for you.

People say that opposites attract. While true, it’s also not a great foundation for a healthy, long-term relationship.

The fact that you and your boo butt heads daily could mean that you would be better off alone.

With that in mind, here are 13 clear signs your personalities don’t mesh well.

Sometimes things just aren’t meant to be.

1) You’re on different levels of intellect

You can get along swimmingly with someone much smarter or objectively dumber than you.

However, this difference in intellect can cause a significant rift when it comes to building a life together.  

If you’re the academic type and your partner is a college dropout, there’s a chance your interests and life goals don’t align.

Your conversations might eventually go stale, and you can feel unfulfilled by your interactions.

Similarly, if your partner is substantially more intelligent, you might think they look down on you, which isn’t a nice way to go through life.

Just because Leonard and Penny made it work doesn’t mean you will.   

2) You don’t share the same sense of humor

Making each other laugh is an excellent sign that the relationship has potential.

If your humor is never in sync, your personalities might not mesh as well as you’d wish.   

When you don’t understand your partner’s jokes and your quips leave them cold, the chances of you two ever sharing a laugh become slim.   

Here’s a great way to determine if your humor is compatible from early on: do you find the memes they send you funny?

If the answer is no, perhaps you should put yourself back on the market.

Life is short. Be with someone who makes you chuckle.

3) You can never pick a movie to watch

This sounds like small potatoes, but hear me out: if you scroll through your streaming queue and can never land on a title you would both enjoy, how will you compromise on the bigger things?

I’m not talking about personal preferences here. It’s OK if you like heartfelt dramas and they’re more into action comedies.

But if you regularly spend an hour bickering as you browse and end up watching nothing, it means that neither of you is willing to accommodate the other.

You’re in a pickle, for sure.

4) Your schedules are (very) different

I’m including this one reluctantly, as it’s something I used to disagree about with my ex.

He worked 9 to 5 and had a lot of after-work commitments. Come evening, he was tired and longed for bed.

I’m a freelancer with a flexible schedule who dislikes leaving the house. I function best in the late hours of the day.

I wanted to see him more during the week, but he was busy.

When we did spend time together, he fell asleep before me, and I was left contemplating our possible future in silence, trying not to wake him up.  

For the record, I don’t think that this is a red flag, with one caveat: you both need to be willing to make it work. My ex wasn’t.

When neither or only one of you cares enough about the other to block out time for cuddles and conversation, that’s a bad sign.   

5) You don’t share any hobbies or interests

On the same note, are there things you enjoy doing together?

Camping. Binge-watching TV shows. Playing video games. Cooking.

Whatever it is, sharing at least one hobby or interest boosts your chances of building a successful relationship.

When you’re so different that you can’t find a single thing to do in each other’s company except make out, your personalities just don’t mesh well enough.

6) One of you is (considerably) more outgoing

As an introvert, my ideal partner is someone who pushes me to go out more… but not too much.

I like hanging out with other people in moderation. If my boyfriend wanted us to spend every night seeing friends or attending events, I would be left with zero energy to function.

In short, if one of you is a hermit and the other a social butterfly, you’re not quite as compatible as you think.

7) You have opposing attachment styles

There are four types of attachment: secure, avoidant, anxious, and disorganized.

In an ideal world, we would all be secure. Unfortunately, that’s not the case.

When a person with anxious attachment enters a relationship with someone avoidant, for instance, it’s possible they won’t have their needs met, leading to constant conflict.

Similarly, someone with a secure attachment style might feel overwhelmed when coupled with an anxious or avoidant person.

Learning to manage this incompatibility takes time, reflection, and often the help of a therapist.

While working on yourself is always a good idea, you might benefit from finding someone better equipped to navigate your emotional landscape.

8) Your long-term goals don’t match

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

It’s an annoying question in a job interview but a necessary one when shaping your future.

If you want to settle down and start a family while your partner dreams of building their own company and traveling the world, you have a problem.

The cornerstone of a nourishing relationship is that both people work as a team to achieve their goals.

When those goals don’t match, you end up on diverging paths instead of walking the same road together. 

Speaking of…

9) … which affects your priorities

Having different long-term goals means your current priorities don’t match either.  

If you want a family, you’re probably focusing the bulk of your energy on your relationship.

You spend hours obsessing over whether you two are right for each other, planning romantic dates, and convincing your boo to take time off for a vacation.

Meanwhile, your partner who wants a  rewarding career spends long hours at work and sees you as more of a lovely distraction than the long-term partner you long to become.

You get the idea.

10) You have contrasting libidos

Does one person want to spend more time between the sheets, while the other isn’t particularly excited about the idea?

Many factors can influence a person’s libido – and sometimes, a mismatch in sex drive isn’t that big of a deal.

Once you start arguing about the topic or one of you becomes resentful, it’s cause for concern.   

11) You don’t share the same ideas about money

Another sign that your personalities don’t mesh well? 

You never agree about money.

One of you is a big spender; the other prefers to save cash for a rainy day.

Coming from vastly different financial backgrounds can also impact the way you handle finances.

Growing up with modest means can make you financially cautious. Similarly, someone who never had to worry about money can be more carefree.   

This can cause friction in the relationship, especially once you start sharing expenses.

12) Your core values don’t align

Your core values are what make you who you are.

When they don’t align with your partner’s, your relationship is likely doomed.

Let’s say that kindness is one of your core values. Could you be with someone who constantly puts others down and never lends a hand to someone in need?

If you value courage, would you be happy being tied to someone who never takes risks?   

I didn’t think so.

13) Your gut tells you so

Finally, you’re the only one who can determine whether you should pursue a relationship with someone incompatible.

Your gut tells you more than this article ever will.

If you know deep down that you two are soulmates? Then the relationship is worth fighting for.  

However, if you don’t feel like you can be yourself in the relationship, don’t feel heard and loved?

I’m sorry to break it to you. 

You two just aren’t meant to be.

Final thoughts

More often than not, having opposing personalities doesn’t bode well for your future together.

If you see your partner’s differences as deal breakers, it’s time to move on.

Being alone is better than being with someone who doesn’t truly get you.  

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