8 signs your partner will be a good parent, according to psychology

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You’re deeply in love with your partner. And so, you can’t help but think about the next steps—marriage and kids!

But you’re just a little worried. What if they won’t be a good parent? 

What if having kids with them would make your life miserable?

You don’t want to regret your choices ten years down the road!

Lucky for you, there are ways to tell. Here are 8 signs your partner will be a good parent, according to psychology.

1) They don’t micromanage 

Do they let you take the lead from time to time? 

And if they do, do they trust you to do the right thing?

In other words, do they allow you to make mistakes?

Then they might turn out to be a good parent.

According to a study led by Jelena Obradovic at Stanford University, the children of parents who always step in to help with tasks—in other words, those who micromanage— showed more difficulty in regulating their behavior and emotions.

These children also have poorer executive function, self-discipline, and impulse control.

If your partner keeps “helping” you and managing you and correcting you even with simple tasks, they might have to unlearn this trait for your future kids’ sake.

2) They feel bad when you’re doing all of the chores

Do they believe chores should be shared even if they’re earning more? 

Does your partner ensure you both have a fair share of household chores?

Do they step in when they think you’re too tired? 

Do they ask for help if they’re too tired and tell you they’ll make up for it?

Then they might just be a good parent.

Sharing chores is very important. In fact, it’s the third most important thing in marital success, according to study.

And it’s also very important in raising children.

Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of “How to Raise an Adult“, believes that kids raised on chores grow to become responsible and empathetic adults.

So if your partner makes sure that they’re not just sitting on the couch while you do the laundry and prepare lunch and mop the floor, then they’re probably going to be a good parent.

3) They’re the master of their emotions

As someone who grew up with an angry father, this is the number one trait I look for in a life partner. 

If my partner has anger issues, my future children (and I) could be exposed to verbal and physical abuse…and that’s just something I really don’t want to experience again.

I’m sure you don’t want that either.

So ask yourself:

Do they have high EQ?

Are they naturally patient? Or if they’re not, are they doing something about it?

And when they’re angry, do they try to calm down so they won’t explode?

Then they’re likely going to be a good parent.

Not only will they not do harm to your kids (boy, do we not want that!), they’ll also positively influence them. 

There’s a phenomenon called emotional contagion wherein you “catch” and copy other people’s emotional states.

A happy and calm parent will likely have happy and calm kids.

So have kids with a partner who knows how to manage their emotions well.

4) They know the importance of quality time

Do they genuinely love spending time with you?

Do they make time for you even on the days they’re busy? 

But if they’re drowning in work, do they say “Sorry, I’ll make up for it?” and really follow through on their word?

It’s a big sign that they’ll be a good parent.

According to a 32-year study on early childhood development, children who receive sensitive caregiving (at least in the first three years of their life), will grow into more competent adults.

If they’re the type of person who puts importance on being present, then your children will definitely feel secure and loved.

So if your partner is showing signs that they’re always present in your life no matter what, it’s almost certain that they’ll turn out to be a good parent.

5) They put more value on effort over perfection

When you’re obviously a bad cook and you try to make a dish, does your partner go “Mmmm, this is definitely better than the last one! What sauce did you use this time?” 

Or do they go “It’s too salty. Didn’t you try to follow the recipe? It’s easy! I’ll just cook next time then.”

If your partner does the former, they’re more concerned with effort than perfection…and they tend to be the ones who make great parents.

They’re the ones who raise kids who have a growth mindset.

If they’re the latter, they’re the ones who are too focused on perfection. They tend to be critical, hard-to-please, and pessimistic (qualities that are definitely not ideal if you want to raise confident and happy children).

Children raised by highly critical parents will often develop traits that hold them back in life.

You don’t want your future children to feel they’re never good enough because they have a parent who always reminds them of how imperfect they are.

So look for someone who values effort more than perfection. And if you’re already with one, then you’re probably ready to start a family.

6) They have fewer narcissistic traits

You don’t want your children to be raised by a narcissist, do you?

It’s damaging to their mental health and being exposed to a narcissist will take years of therapy for them to overcome the damage.

So if you’re 100% sure they have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, you might think twice if having children is something you really want to do with them.

But here’s something you should know: Narcissism is a spectrum, and almost everyone has narcissistic traits.

So don’t think that every little sign of narcissism is a red flag. Just make sure they don’t have NPD.

The fewer narcissistic traits they have, the better they are at raising kids.

So pay attention to their actions.

Do they NOT expect special treatment?

Are they not all “me, me, me”?

Overall, are they capable of caring for things that do not directly impact them?

Then they will most likely become a good parent.

7) They work and have a social life

While being present is very important in the first five years of a child’s life, studies show that what children need later in life are positive role models.

So to be a good parent, it’s not enough that we know how to parent our children, we should also become someone they’d aspire to be.

A decade-long study on how maternal employment and adult children’s outcomes show that children of employed mothers tend to be higher achieving and have fewer behavioral problems than young children whose mothers are not employed.

Aside from being a good model, working encourages the children to help around the house, which then molds them to become more responsible adults.

Sooo…does your partner work?

But if they don’t, are they pursuing things or creating things?

Do they meet their friends and family?

Are they not just on the couch all day watching Tiktok?

Then they’re likely going to be a good parent.

8) They’re empaths

There are four main types of parenting: neglectful, permissive, authoritative, and authoritarian.

And according to experts, the best type of parenting is authoritative. It’s basically working together with your child. 

It’s when you’re guiding them on how to do things without making them feel strangled.

And in order for you to be able to do this, you need to have lots and lots of empathy. This allows you to really see what the child feels and needs. 

Someone lacking in empathy, no matter how much they try, might find it challenging to become authoritative, and instead turn into an authoritative and controlling parent.

If your partner is empathetic, you have nothing to worry about. They will likely turn into a loving, authoritative parent.

Final thoughts:

Most people don’t think about parenting when they’re dating someone. 

It’s just not sexy. It sounds so…practical. 

Instead, we think love is all that matters—that as long as we love our partners, things will work out fine.

This could be one of the reasons why marital happiness significantly declines after having children.

We don’t try to learn the skills necessary for raising a family before we have them.

If you think YOU and your partner are missing the traits and skills in order to become a good parent, you might want to work on them first.

And if you realize that you both have most of the traits listed above, then what are you waiting for? You’re both definitely ready!

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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