Marcel Deer
In a relationship, a little bit of mystery can be a very good thing.
That is, unless the big mystery is whether or not your partner actually loves you for who you are – then mystery isn’t what most people are looking for!
Your partner can say that they love you, slip lovely little notes into your lunchbox, or shout it from the rooftops. But is that enough to let you know if they love who you truly are?
For most people, the answer, sadly, is no.
But that’s where psychology rides in like a knight in shining armor to save the day. Like it or not, love is a very complex concept and psychologists over the years have pulled and teased it apart in every direction imaginable.
What they’ve found is that for all of love’s enigmatic nature, there really are some detectable, measurable clues that show whether a person is in love or not.
So in this post, we’re going to look at six signs your partner truly loves you for who you are, according to psychology, to help you solve that mystery once and for all!
1) They’ll be less stressed.
I know, I know. The first thing you’re going to ask is, “Less stressed than what?”
And that’s not all that easy to answer because if your partner has loved you for a long time, you won’t be able to notice any difference.
But what we’re talking about here is a measurable biological response to creating a successful pair bond, as the scientists would call it.
You and I might call it a relationship.
What research has found is that a successful relationship “can provide a sense of safety and reduce anxiety or stress”. This is found in reduced levels of the stress hormone cortisol and increased oxytocin, which blocks stress response, in people who are in love.
Well, maybe we didn’t need lab coats to figure that out, either.
No matter how much of a bad day at work you have, don’t you feel at least a bit relieved being able to come home to your partner?
So if your partner seems to be less stressed around you or you’re able to help them reduce their stress level, this is a sign they really love you and value your relationship.
2) They’ll be healthier.
Again, healthier than what or who?
Well, in this case, they might not be healthier than all other people who aren’t in love. They’ll simply be healthier than they would be if they weren’t in love with you.
That might not be something you can easily detect, mind you, unless you know their history.
Did they have poorer health before you got together and your relationship blossomed?
A lot of research has shown that love is good for your health, maybe even more than kale. And it tastes better.
Even in mice, this finding has been confirmed. In one study, mice who were pair-bonded (i.e., in a relationship or at least a situationship) were found to have lower mortality from lung cancer. However, pairs who were separated actually had a higher mortality rate.
This suggests that love can be protective for your health.
In mice, anyway.
What about humans?
A human study looked into how love affected people’s health by monitoring the immune systems of people who were and weren’t in love, at least by their own admission.
It found that there was a definite increase in immune system function when people were in love and this helped them better fight off infections.
So if you got together with someone who used to get the sniffles all the time and now seems healthier, it’s actually a big sign that they love you.
3) They’ll be mindful of your flaws.
So far, we’ve looked at signs that your partner truly loves you.
But how do you know if they love who you really are or just their own romantic image of you?
This a really complex issue that psychology wrestles with. After all, who are you, really, and how much can we truly know another person?
Psychologists suggest that we can get closer to the answer when we show our whole selves, “warts and all”, to our partners. But of course, they also have to be receptive to this.
They need to be able to accept that you have a bad side or at least a less-than-perfect side.
Some very interesting research from 2018 found a strong link between mindfulness, partner acceptance, and relationship satisfaction. Essentially, it looked at people who take a conscious, mindful approach to understanding their partners’ whole selves.
People who took the time to think about and relate to their partners’ flaws were more accepting of their partners on the whole. This made their relationships happier and their partners felt more satisfied.
So if your partner knows all about your flaws and you still feel accepted and satisfied in the relationship, this is a very good sign they love you for all that you are.
4) They’ll speak your language.
Hopefully, you can at least communicate at least somewhat in the same spoken or signed language. I actually know a few international couples who can barely understand each other yet seem to be immeasurably happy!
However, that’s not the type of language I’m referring to.
Instead, I’m talking about the concept of your “love language.”
The idea that people have different love languages, or ways they show appreciation for their partners, can be traced back to a 1992 book by minister Gary Chapman. He offered up five languages including compliments, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical contact (including sex).
Psychologists may disagree with the initial, rudimentary classification but definitely agree that shared communication values are important in relationships.
Research has been done into love languages and how couples prefer to express themselves and receive expressions of love.
Guess what?
According to research, matching on love languages is a big deal. Couples whose expressions match their partners’ preferred way to receive expressions had much higher relationship and sexual satisfaction.
So if your partner speaks your love language, and especially if they’ve changed their expression to fit the way you like to receive expressions of love, it’s a great sign that the love is true.
5) They can read your mind.
This is it, the Holy Grail for relationships!
Well, sort of.
Advanced neurological research and pioneering AI technology seem to have pushed the envelope and can now actually read brainwaves and translate them into text.
But before you get too freaked out, consider this – we’ve been able to do this to each other for quite some time.
Can we actually sense another person’s brainwaves?
It turns out that we have mirror neurons in our own brains that are so adept at reading other people’s expressions that we pretty much can!
Haven’t you ever seen someone raise an eyebrow and known exactly what they were thinking about?
Maybe, but according to research, this mind-reading ability is only highly effective with people we know very well. Researchers tested how well people could actually understand each other’s intentions through non-verbal cues and found that the more intimately connected they were, the better.
People who were very close seemed to actually share some mental representations, almost as if they had shared thoughts.
So if your partner really understands you well and knows what you’re thinking a lot of the time, it’s probably because you have a very close, intimate, and loving relationship
6) They seem high all the time.
According to research on the neurobiology of attraction, the early stages of love can produce euphoria similar to that produced by addictive drugs.
This effect is also known to fade over time, but while it does last, it’s a very good sign that your partner really is in love with you and not faking it.
Researchers actually stuck loved-up participants into MRI machines and took images of their brain activation. They found that just by showing them a picture of their beloved, significant brain areas were activated.
The areas that lit up like fireworks are related to reward and motivation systems. So when people were really in love, their brains lit up as if they were getting a dose of their drug of choice. And it seems they were – love!
While this intense reaction to a partner might decrease over time, if you saw yours lighting up all the time in the beginning stages of your relationship, it’s a real sign of true love.
Final words
These six signs your partner truly loves you for who you are, according to psychology, can be a great relief.
Finally, after millennia of poetic musing, we actually have some solid evidence of real love. No more consulting the stars or plucking the petals off flowers!
And if you see these signs in your partner, you can feel a whole lot more secure knowing their feelings for you are true.
