5 signs your partner probably isn’t “the one”, according to psychology

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So you’ve been together with your partner for some time but something is preventing you from taking the relationship to the next level.

On the surface, everything seems fine. The both of you appear like an ordinary couple.

However, if someone asks you if your partner is the one for you, you hesitate to agree.

Today we will delve into 5 signs that your partner may not be the right one for you according to psychology.

Hopefully, this article gives you some clarity on how you should navigate your relationship.

1) They make decisions for you

One of the characteristics of a healthy couple dynamic is when both of you involve each other in the decision-making process.

You seek each other’s feedback before making a decision because your partner’s opinion is important to you.

The other extreme looks like this – your partner constantly making decisions for you

If the decision is a not-so-serious one – say, if they had to help you choose what to get for dinner because you’re busy – then that’s fine. 

What I’m referring to is your partner not consulting you on bigger decisions, for example, when it involves big purchases or setting important appointments – decisions that impact the two of you in a more significant way.

According to psychology, you may be in a controlling relationship, where your partner needs you to do things according to what they want.

If your partner behaves like this, you may have felt as if you had little to no voice in the relationship. You just follow along with whatever they want you to do. 

And this can be harmful in the long run, because they may end up dictating everything you do – from when you should see your friends, what you wear, and even what time you should come back home.

As such, this is one of the clearest signs that your partner isn’t the one for you.

2) They’re overly critical

While it’s good for couples to have open and honest conversations with each other, it’s another thing to only receive negative feedback from your partner.

Do you feel that you have to second guess your every move, and everything you say, because you’re afraid of what your partner may say?

If so, your partner may be overly critical of what you do

This may start subtly at first, with a small remark here and there, and if you get upset, they will brush it off as ‘just a joke’.

Then it gradually grows into criticism in front of friends and family, with the intent to make you look bad. Your partner may blow up small errors into big ones, and you know that these are definitely not ‘just jokes’ anymore.

If this persists in the long run, constant criticism can negatively impact your self-confidence and increase your anxiety in the relationship.

Instead of feeling safe with your partner, you may get even more stressed when they’re around you.

If you relate to this, your partner is certainly not the one for you.

3) They drain you instead of energizing you

Have you ever gone on dates with your partner only to feel more drained after the interaction?

Your friends talk about how they go on fun dates with their partners, how the conversations over meals are what they look forward to at the end of a long day and you wonder why this isn’t the same for you.

According to psychology, relationships are similar to friendships in that they need not be fulfilling all the time, but they should not always drain you. 

Perhaps the two of you have different attachment styles and this impacts the relationship’s dynamics – one person is less needy than the other and as such, one has to exert more effort in maintaining the relationship than they need to.

However, if your partner isn’t needy but you find yourself wanting to get away as soon as possible when you’re around them, it may be a sign that this partner isn’t the one for you.

You should at the very least enjoy spending time with your partner.

If you don’t… then I think it goes without saying that the relationship isn’t going in the right direction. 

4) You cannot envision a future with them

Most couples would want to spend the rest of their lives with their partners. 

Each couple may have a different goal, from marriage, starting a family, or moving in together, but the common thread is that they would like to do life together with their partners.

If you were to consider your partner right now, would you want to spend the rest of your life with them?

If your answer is no, or if there is a lot of hesitation, then chances are your partner may not be the right one for you.

Perhaps you cannot envision a future with them because of who they are. You feel that if you were to take this relationship to the next step, there would be irreconcilable differences that would eventually lead to a breakup.

This could be due to how they view finances, their goals, to who they are as a person.

You may be able to take a break from them after you head home from dates, but when the two of you move in together, it’ll be a bit tough to shut them out when the two of you are in the same house.

If you are having doubts about this person, it’s important to identify them at the outset and either seek professional help or try to have an open conversation with your partner, before moving forward.

5) You have to hide certain aspects of them from friends and family

Do you find yourself having to cover up some aspects of your partner’s behavior when you’re with friends and family?

Maybe they have bad habits or negative traits that you don’t want the people around you to know about, because you’re either ashamed of your partner or the fact that you have to pretend that everything’s fine in the relationship.

Usually, if you have to cover up or make excuses for your partner’s behavior, it’s a strong sign that they are not measuring up to what you deserve.

Maybe you find yourself having to paint a different picture of your partner to the people around you, because deep down this is the idea of what you want in a partner, and not the one you have currently.

If so, then it’s likely that this person is not the one for you.

You’ve unconsciously uncovered what you don’t want in a relationship and what you want in a partner by doing this.

So why not try to find a partner that will meet your standards instead of being together with someone who’s likely not going to change?

Concluding thoughts

Finding the right person for you may feel like an insurmountable task and require a lot of luck.

You hear people who get it right on the first date and have been together for ages, as well as others who may not be as fortunate, having to go on multiple dates before they find the one for them.

The truth is, good things are worth waiting for. Know your worth and decide if you’re receiving the love you deserve.

Because if you aren’t, know that the universe will provide you with someone who’s the right one for you.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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