9 signs your partner just isn’t a right fit for you, according to psychology

Sometimes, no matter how much we like someone (or think we do), they aren’t the person we’re meant to spend the rest of our lives with. 

Life is short. It’s not something people just say.

There’s absolutely no point in spending it with someone who doesn’t make you feel your best. 

When you choose a partner, make sure they’re the type who does. 

If they don’t, they’re probably not right for you, and you gotta let them go. 

Psychologists list many traits you should look for in a partner to up your chances of having a great lifetime with them. 

Picking the wrong one will make your life miserable. And eventually you’ll reach a point where you can do nothing but look back and regret wasted years. 

So, to summarize, it’s better to break up with your partner and find someone else if…

1) You don’t trust them.

Trust is super important—it’s what makes you feel safe and secure with someone. If that’s missing, everything else can start to feel slightly off. 

It’s tough to plan a future or even just chill together if part of you always wonders if you can really count on your partner. 

Lack of trust is usually also a sign of bigger problems. 

Maybe you two aren’t great at talking things out, or something happened that left you feeling unsure. 

The point is that always doubting your partner is exhausting and makes it hard to really enjoy their company. 

Questioning everything your partner does will also make you go mad.

Trust really is the foundation for all the good stuff in a relationship. When it isn’t there, you’re honestly better off ending things

If you don’t, you might end up feeling lonely, anxious, and like you always have to be on guard. 

2) You constantly argue. 

It’s totally normal for couples to disagree. Anyone who says they never do is lying. 

But if you’re constantly at each other’s throats, it might be a sign that you’re not meant to be together.

Constant arguing can mean you need to see eye-to-eye on many things – big and small.

And this isn’t exactly what you sign up for when looking for a lifelong partner. 

Non-stop conflict typically points to deeper issues.

You might have different priorities or not be on the same page about how to live.

And unless you resolve this or learn to genuinely compromise, your relationship won’t last happily. 

3) Your conflict resolution styles differ. 

What happens when you argue? This also plays a massive role in how happy you’ll be with your partner.

Let’s say you have an average amount of conflict in your relationship. Now, it comes down to how you deal with it. This can really make or break things. 

If your styles clash big time, it might lead to more misunderstandings, make it hard to actually resolve anything, and leave one or both of you frustrated and hurt. 

I used to be in a relationship where this happened. 

Immediately talking things out seemed obvious to me, but my partner preferred going for a drive so he could be alone and cool off before we worked through things. 

It’s not that one way was better than the other. But every time he left and even refused to answer his phone when he’d been gone a while, I felt hurt and disrespected. 

By the time he got back, I was mad about other stuff, and our original argument hit a dead end. Resentment built up from both sides over time, and it didn’t work out. 

If your partner’s conflict resolution style doesn’t complement yours and you can’t find a way around it, you should rethink your partnership.

4) You feel emotionally drained and exhausted.

The right partner will recharge you after a long day and make you feel good. 

If you always feel like you’re searching for power when you’re around yours, they aren’t the right one for you. 

Constant exhaustion can mean your emotional needs aren’t being met. Maybe you’re giving a lot more than you’re getting, or there’s no support or understanding between you two. 

Relationships are a two-way street. You can’t be the only one putting in effort. 

At the end of the day, your partner should be your go-to person for strength. If you’re constantly feeling drained, it might be time to consider whether your relationship is serving you. 

5) You’re continuously disrespected. 

Disrespect is a serious red flag. Your partner should never undervalue you and make you question your own worth. 

Don’t get me wrong: misunderstandings and slip-ups happen. 

I’m not saying you should just ditch your partner. 

But if you’re constantly being put down, ignored, or mistreated, they’re not considering your feelings and needs. 

And that’s a problem because feeling respected and valued is one of the most important things in a safe relationship. 

You deserve kindness and someone who’s ready to give you the respect they expect. 

6) You feel embarrassed by them. 

Feeling embarrassed by your partner is a major sign that they’re probably not the one for you. 

It’s kind of like putting on a sweater you don’t like. 

Sure, you can wear it and maybe even convince yourself it looks okay, but deep down, you won’t feel good in it. 

If your partner consistently makes you feel embarrassed by doing things that make you cringe or just their general behavior or outlook in life, you’re not on the same level. 

And this is a big deal because it comes down to how you see yourself and how you think others see you when you’re together. 

This is about more than just minor annoyances. Feeling embarrassed by your partner also shows you don’t connect the way you’re supposed to, and they don’t make you feel proud when you have them by your side. 

You need to accept your partner for who they are and feel like they fit into the broader picture of your life. 

If you don’t, they’re better off with someone who’ll never try to change them.

(even if you think you aren’t, feeling embarrassed by them could subconsciously make you say or do things that put pressure on them to put on an act)

And you deserve someone who makes it feel like your sweater is tailor-made!

7) You feel like a prisoner. 

Jealousy and possessiveness are huge red flags. 

At first, it might seem like too much caring, but really, it’s about control and insecurity, not love. 

If you feel trapped or constantly on edge because of your partner’s behavior, you’re off balance. 

You shouldn’t walk on eggshells, always trying to avoid setting off alarms. 

That’s no way to live, and definitely not how healthy relationships are. 

Your partner should trust you enough to let you enjoy life, hang out with friends, and follow your own interests without constantly monitoring or questioning you. 

It’s so important to have space to grow and be yourself. If you feel more like a prisoner than a partner, you definitely have to let go. 

8) You don’t have any personal space. 

A jealous or possessive partner could also be in your business, even when you’re just chilling at home. 

And if they are, it’s just more reason to realize they’re not the right one for you. 

Sure, you could be obsessed with your partner and want to share everything with them. But without spending some time alone, you won’t thrive. 

Having time by yourself allows you to recharge, reflect, and just be you without feeling like someone’s always looking your way. 

Even in the closest type of relationship, people need room to breathe. Feeling smothered can make you lose a sense of your own identity.

9) You feel manipulated.

Manipulation is sneaky, unhealthy, and the opposite of what should be happening in a relationship. 

It can make you question your feelings, decisions, and even your sanity!

If your partner manipulates you, it might feel like you’re constantly playing a game where the rules keep changing, and you can never quite win.

This manipulation can take many forms. Guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or making you feel like you owe them something are just a few. 

It’s damaging because it chips away at your self-esteem and independence. You could end up feeling dependent on your partner for validation and decision-making. 

This creates a highly toxic dynamic. 

Your partner should treat you as an equal. You should feel safe and empowered to discuss your needs and set boundaries. 

If you second-guess yourself or feel like your partner is playing mind games with you, they need to go. 

I know breaking up with someone you really like and even love and envision spending the rest of your life with is hard. 

But sticking around in a relationship where you feel disrespected, manipulated, and smothered or constantly drained will wear you down and lead to longer-term damage on your emotional and physical health. 

Stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem will become your normal, making it hard to feel happy and live the life you’re meant to.

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