7 signs your partner isn’t as invested in the relationship as you are

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Ever feel like you’re holding up both ends of a relationship, as if you’re paddling a two-person canoe all by yourself? 

I’ve watched a close friend navigate these troubled waters, her oars working double-time while her partner seemed content to just enjoy the ride. 

The thing is, she didn’t fully realize the emotional imbalance until she was almost at her breaking point. 

If you’re sensing that your partner isn’t as invested in the relationship as you are, know that you’re not alone — and that recognizing the signs is the first step toward finding a love that lifts you up, not one that leaves you straining at the oars. 

Ready to dive in?

1) They’re unreliable

Ever make plans with your partner, only for them to cancel last minute—or worse, forget entirely? 

My friend found herself in this spot more times than she could count. Whether it was date nights, weekend getaways, or even just a cozy movie night at home, she was often left hanging. 

Here’s the truth: when someone is truly invested in a relationship, they prioritize their commitments to it. 

Now, being unreliable doesn’t necessarily make your partner a bad person. Some of my great friends are notoriously late and forgetful. We all have our shortcomings, and this is one of theirs. 

But if you find yourself constantly adjusting your schedule or feeling disappointed, it’s a good time for a conversation. Sit down and openly discuss how their unreliability makes you feel. 

If you’re investing your time and energy into the relationship, you have the right to expect the same level of commitment in return.

2) You don’t feel prioritized

One of the worst feelings in a relationship is that you’re just one item on a long to-do list, somewhere between grocery shopping and a dentist appointment. 

That’s how my friend felt. She’d watch as her partner prioritized work, friends, hobbies — even the gym — over spending quality time with her.

Now, we all have lives outside of our relationships, and that’s healthy. But they should never crowd out the relationship entirely. It is still, supposedly, a big part of your life, so actions have to reflect that.

Feeling like an afterthought instead of a priority can be a lonely experience, casting a shadow over even the happiest moments.

So, what do you do? Open up a conversation with your partner about how you’re feeling. Maybe they’re not even aware that you feel deprioritized. 

Make it clear that while you understand the importance of other commitments, you also need to feel valued in your relationship.

Don’t settle for being someone’s ‘maybe’ when you’re giving them your ‘definitely.’ You deserve a relationship where you’re a priority, not just an option.

3) You’re always the one making plans

Flipping through your calendar, it dawns on you: you’re the mastermind behind almost every date night, weekend getaway, or special occasion.

My friend lived this scenario, always penciling in plans while her partner simply showed up — or sometimes didn’t, as I mentioned earlier.

The thing is, relationships are about shared experiences, and planning those experiences should be a team effort. 

If you’re always the one taking the reins, it’s not just an imbalance of effort; it can also make you feel emotionally sidelined. It’s like you’re scripting your own love story, but only one of you is interested in how it unfolds.

So what’s the next move? Chat with your partner about the planning imbalance. This isn’t about keeping score; it’s about sharing the responsibility and joy of building a life together. 

Encourage them to get involved in the planning process, even if it’s something as simple as picking a restaurant for date night or a movie to watch together.

And remember, if a relationship is going to be a beautiful journey, then both parties should be equally excited about plotting the course.

4) They’re non-committal

Planning for the future should be exciting, but instead, you might be met with dodges and vague responses from your partner. My friend certainly felt that. 

Whenever she tried to discuss long-term plans, her partner would change the subject or give non-committal answers like, “We’ll see” or “Let’s just go with the flow.”

Now, not everyone is a planner, and that’s okay. But a certain level of commitment is essential for a relationship to grow and flourish. 

If your partner doesn’t seem to have given your future together any thought, or have any input, it may indicate a lack of serious investment in your relationship’s longevity.

What can you do? Bring up the issue, gently but directly. Ask what their hesitations are and if they see a future for your relationship. 

Sometimes people are non-committal out of fear, not disinterest. Other times, it may be a sign that you’re not on the same page about what you want from the relationship long-term.

Either way, you deserve to be with someone who is as committed to building a future as you are. It’s a two-player game, and both should be willing to bet on a win.

5) Compromises are one-sided

Remember that time you gave up your favorite weekend ritual to accommodate your partner’s plans? Or the countless meals you’ve cooked with their dietary preferences in mind? 

It’s like every compromise seemed to bend in one direction — away from you.

Compromise is the lifeblood of any healthy relationship. It’s the art of finding middle ground so that both partners feel heard, valued, and cared for. 

But if you find that you’re the only one bending, then the relationship is out of balance. 

So what can you do? Begin by having an open conversation with your partner about how the lack of mutual compromise makes you feel. Sometimes people aren’t even aware they’re asking too much until it’s pointed out. 

If after the talk, things don’t change, you might have to ask yourself if this partnership meets your emotional needs.

Remember, a relationship is like a dance; it needs two people to find the rhythm. If only one is making all the moves, it might be time to change partners—or at least, the steps you’re dancing to.

6) They don’t communicate openly

Open communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. But if you find yourself guessing what your partner is thinking or feeling because they don’t communicate openly, you’re navigating a complex emotional maze without a map. 

My friend experienced this repeatedly; her partner would rarely voice concerns or share feelings, leaving her to play detective.

This lack of communication is more than just frustrating — it can create a chasm between you and your partner. 

And sometimes people just haven’t learned the right skills to communicate effectively. But it could also be that they don’t see the point, because they don’t necessarily see the relationship as lasting, or as valuable as you do. 

So what’s your next move? Start by addressing the issue directly but compassionately. Explain that open communication is crucial for the relationship’s well-being and that you’re feeling disconnected. 

You could even try taking a course on communication together — it might be a fun way to get to know each other better and grow together.

However, remember that you can’t force anyone to communicate; they have to be willing. 

7) You feel it in your gut

That nagging feeling in your gut — you know the one. It’s that uneasy sensation that something is off, even if you can’t quite put your finger on it. 

I remember my friend confiding in me that she had this gut feeling but didn’t know whether to trust it.

Now, it’s important to note that your gut isn’t always an infallible guide. Sometimes it can be our own insecurities or past traumas clouding our judgment. 

But your intuition also has a way of picking up on subtle signals that your conscious mind might overthink or miss altogether.

So, what should you do when your gut sounds the alarm? First, don’t ignore it. Take some time to evaluate your feelings and the state of your relationship objectively. 

Are there observable issues, or could it be inner insecurities at play? 

If your intuition continues to signal that something’s wrong, and it’s backed up by tangible red flags, trust yourself. 

You deserve a relationship that doesn’t leave you second-guessing or feeling uneasy. Sometimes, our gut is the wake-up call urging us to confront issues we’d rather not face but ultimately should for our own well-being.

Wake up to your worth: take action for relationship harmony

You don’t have to settle for a love that leaves you unfulfilled. Acknowledging these signs is your first step toward a more balanced and rewarding relationship. 

Life’s too short to ignore the red flags. So tune into yourself, have those difficult conversations, and decide what you truly deserve. 

Because remember, a relationship should make you feel valued, not devalued. Take control and steer your love life toward the happiness you deserve.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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