Kiran Athar
A little bit of jealousy in a relationship isn’t necessarily harmful, in fact, it can be a nice reminder that your partner loves you.
But what happens when this jealousy starts to take over and affect everyday life?
That’s when things can start to spiral out of control, and into abusive behavior.
In this article, we’ll explore 12 crucial signs of excessive jealousy in your partner that you mustn’t ignore. I’ll also be sharing an incredible resource to support both you and your partner at the end, so let’s jump in:
1) They’re overly possessive
One of the first signs to look out for in an excessively jealous partner is possessiveness.
This might start out as “protectiveness”…like wanting to accompany you when you go out to meet friends at night, for example.
But it’ll quickly become obvious when you can’t seem to do anything alone anymore!
A jealous partner may take it to the extreme by not wanting to share you with your own family and friends – they may resort to picking fights or making you feel bad for not including them in your plans.
And when you do manage to get some time away from them, the following is likely to happen…
2) They constantly check up on you
Let’s say you’re out with your friends, and your partner knows where you are and what time you’ll be back.
That should be enough, right?
After all, you’re a grown-up, you can look after yourself!
But no – if you’re dealing with someone who is excessively jealous, they’re going to call and text you multiple times whenever you step a foot out of the front door.
Even when you’re at work, they’ll overstep the line and want to know who you had lunch with and why you took so long to reply to their last (10) messages.
Put simply – they want to know exactly where you are and who you’re with (think Emily from Friends).
3) There are “rules”
And as well as constantly checking up on you, an excessively jealous partner will also enforce certain rules that dictate what you can and can’t do…For example:
- Who you see
- Who you’re allowed to talk to
- Who you’re allowed to be friends with on social media
- Where you can or can’t go
Ultimately, a jealous partner wants to maintain some form of control over you, and by putting rules in place, they can achieve that.
But it’s not healthy, and it shows a) a lack of trust, and b) deep-seated insecurities on the part of your partner.
4) They often accuse you of flirting
Another sign you shouldn’t ignore is if your partner constantly accuses you of flirting…
For example, the waiter brings your food and you politely smile and say thank you – before you know it, you’re being accused of fancying them.
It’s important to know that you’re not doing anything wrong.
If your partner is extremely jealous, they’re naturally going to see every interaction you have with the opposite sex as flirty or inappropriate.
But I understand, when faced with this constantly, it can make you doubt yourself and even question if you are giving off a flirty, sexual vibe!
5) They check your phone and socials
Social media is a jealous partner’s worst nightmare.
It’s also another sign to look for…If your partner:
- Controls who you connect with online
- Wants to know your passwords
- Goes through your messages
These are all major red flags.
Not only does it show a lack of trust and respect on their part, but it can leave you feeling violated. After all, your mobile phone and social media are for your personal and private use.
And whilst sharing a password with a partner isn’t unusual, it should be your choice and not something you feel obligated to do!
6) They overreact to innocent situations
Another sign you shouldn’t ignore if you’re worried your partner is jealous is if they overreact to every little situation.
I already gave the example of smiling at the waiter/waitress in a restaurant, but the truth is, it can extend to any situation.
A friend of mine once told me that her boyfriend accused her of incest because she hugged her younger brother for “too long”…
And another said her partner had a go at her for asking a man in the street for directions when they were lost on holiday.
So, if your partner seems to blow up at normal, innocent interactions, it’s a red flag you should definitely take notice of.
7) They try to control your appearance
Does your partner try to control how you look?
They may get funny with you whenever you get a haircut or put makeup on.
And they may even accuse you of dressing a certain way just to get attention (rather than recognizing it’s simply your style).
The truth is, your partner will act like this because they don’t want anyone else to find you attractive.
This is another sign to be aware of, as it signals jealousy that has crossed over into the extreme side.
Again, this goes back to their own insecurity and trust issues!
8) They don’t trust or believe you
Is your partner constantly suspicious?
We’ve already established that if they display the signs above, they’ve got trust issues.
But this could display itself as never believing what you say.
If you tell them that someone is just a friend, they’ll keep going until they get the answer they’re looking for, regardless of whether it’s the truth or not!
And this can lead you to feel like you have to lie.
You may avoid telling them certain things, even completely innocent things, simply because you don’t want to deal with the barrage of questions that will follow.
9) They need constant reassurance
And following on from the previous point, if your partner is excessively jealous, they’ll probably want constant reassurance.
I once dated a guy that constantly asked if I found my coworkers more attractive than him.
It became super draining, to the point where I stopped hanging out with any male friends or colleagues.
Sure, we all need a little bit of validation in our relationships, but if your partner constantly needs reassurance, it’s a sign that something isn’t right.
10) They have a quick temper
Another sign you should never ignore is if your partner has a hot temper.
This can be a sign of jealousy if they’re usually quite relaxed, but go from 0-100 when feeling threatened by someone attractive walking past or by you speaking to a shop assistant.
It’s also something to be extra cautious about – a quick temper can easily turn into verbal or physical abuse, especially when it’s so easily triggered!
11) They manipulate your emotions
And speaking of abuse – manipulating your emotions is another sign your partner could be excessively jealous.
This might look like:
- Guilt tripping you into doing what they want (i.e, dressing a certain way)
- Making you feel bad for going out without them
- Making you feel worthless (to break down your self-esteem)
- Pretending to be upset to stop you from seeing friends or family
This is a common tactic used by jealous people, but believe it or not, it’s more about them feeling in control than anything you’ve done.
By playing with your emotions, they get what they want, regardless of how it makes you feel!
12) They constantly threaten to end the relationship
And finally, you’re dealing with an extremely jealous partner if they keep threatening to end the relationship whenever you do something they don’t like.
Let’s say you want to go to your Christmas work party, but your partner doesn’t want you. Rather than rationally sitting down and talking about it, they’ll probably:
- Accuse you of wanting to flirt with your coworkers
- Overreact to the entire situation
- Threaten to break up with you if you go
This is another form of emotional abuse and manipulation, and quite frankly, you shouldn’t have to put up with it!
We all deserve to be free and feel secure within our relationships, without the threat of a breakup looming over us for doing normal, everyday things.
So, now we’ve covered the 12 signs that your partner is excessively jealous, what should you do about it?
How to handle an excessively jealous partner
The truth is, there’s very little YOU can do in this situation that you haven’t already tried.
By now, you’ve probably wasted months or years even trying to reassure your partner, gain their trust, and prove your love for them.
And none of it has worked because the issues, their jealousy, comes from within them. It really has nothing to do with you.
So, real change can’t happen until THEY make that decision to get help.
And that could take a while – so my advice is to protect yourself first and foremost. Remove yourself from the relationship before it gets worse (and it will).
But if you’re determined to stay and try to work things out, I’d suggest checking out this free video on Love and Intimacy.
It’s a real eye-opener on how we can project our insecurities and high expectations onto our partners…
So, while it won’t solve all your problems overnight, it could get the ball rolling – empowering you while giving your partner some understanding of where their jealousy comes from (and how to start overcoming their insecurities).
