Technology can be amazing, bringing us together and allowing us to connect in more ways than we ever thought possible.
But what happens if it’s your partner…
And it’s not you who he’s connecting with.
The big downside to technology is that it also makes cheating that much easier. We don’t even need to leave the comfort of our home!
If you have doubts creeping in about your partner’s honesty, then you’ve probably asked yourself, “How do I find out if he’s cheating online?”
Cyber affairs are far too common.
Here are 14 signs your partner is cheating online
1) They’re on their phone… a lot
This is probably one of the most obvious signs and may be the reason you started to suspect something in the first place.
We’re all attached to our phones far more than we should be.
But when he can’t lift his head to watch a show with you and spend some quality time together, alarm bells should be ringing.
What could be more important than strengthening your relationship?
The truth: not much.
If it’s work – like many people like to try and claim when they spend too much time on their phone – then he’s more likely to leave the room so he can give it 100% of his attention.
So, if he’s sitting there, attached to his screen while you try and spend some quality time together, it’s time to have the conversation.
You could simply start by asking him to leave his phone for the evening and seeing if he can do that. It might be all it takes to help you both reconnect.
Or a bigger conversation may be needed…
2) He never leaves his phone out of sight
Have you noticed that he never leaves you alone with his phone?
If he gets up to go to the bathroom, he takes it.
If he goes to pour himself a drink, he takes it.
You’re never left alone with his phone for one simple reason: he doesn’t want you to be.
This is the action of a guy who doesn’t want you to stumble across something.
He’s definitely hiding something. And he doesn’t want you to see, it likely involves another woman.
3) The phone is password protected
OK, it’s completely normal to have a password on your smartphone. We all do, right?
But you usually know your other half’s code.
That’s something you share with someone you love.
Think about the times you want to take a photo so you quickly unlock his phone ready.
Or when you need to Google something, but your phone is out of battery.
There are so many reasons you might need to just pick up and use his phone throughout the day…but can you?
Whether he’s never told you his password, or he’s changed it all of a sudden and isn’t letting you on to the new one – it’s not a good sign.
A relationship is about honesty and open communication. If he doesn’t want you into his phone, there’s generally a reason for it.
4) You notice a change in their schedule
Unlike traditional cheating, where the partner has to make excuses for where they’ve been, when it’s online they don’t even have to leave home.
But there will be other tell-tale signs.
He might start coming to bed much later at night or getting up earlier in the morning.
He might start finding excuses to sit in another room at night or be off doing something during the day on the weekend.
Think about how much time you used to spend together and how much you’re spending together now.
Has it changed significantly?
Even if he’s still around just as much, are you spending quality time together?
Or perhaps you’re waking up in the middle of the night to find your partner is lying next to you on the phone.
This is a good indication that something else is going on. They’re trying to hide it from you by doing it at all hours of the night.
5) They smile while on their phone
Let’s face it, we all get engrossed in our phones when we’re messaging friends.
If he’s not only on his phone more often, but smiling while doing it – try asking him what’s so amusing.
It could be something as harmless as a funny meme that caught their eye.
If so, they’ll be more than willing to share it.
If it’s something they don’t want to share, they’ll feel caught off guard when you ask and probably stumble over their words as they come up with an excuse.
So, next time you catch your other half lost in their smartphone, ask what they find so amusing and see how they respond.
6) Their friend list is growing
You’re more than likely friends with them on social media. If you’re not, then that’s an issue in itself.
Check out his friends’ list.
Has it grown recently?
Are there names on there you don’t recognise?
It can’t hurt to do a little digging. Work out who these people are and how they know your partner.
If you get stuck, you could always ask him an innocent question.
Say that Facebook offered them as a friend suggestion and turns out he was the friend they both had in common.
Wait for his answer.
Is it vague?
Does he look to put on the spot?
There may be more to this person.
You can also check out this person’s Facebook page and see if he’s active on it.
Does he like lots of their photos?
Does he comment a lot?
Once again, there might be something going on here.
7) One name stands out in particular
Another hint that something is going on in the cyber world is when you notice the same name cropping up over his social media accounts.
The comments might be innocent — no one wants to reveal them all over social media.
But if they keep cropping up from the same person, it could hint at something more going on.
It can’t hurt to once again take a look at her social profile to see who she is and where she fits into her life.
You never know, it could be a cousin who has taken a particular interest in his life.
Though chances are, something more is probably going on there.
8) They have fake social accounts
This one is a little hard to monitor.
After all, you’re the last person they’re likely to share their fake accounts with.
But it might be something you notice over his shoulder while he’s on the phone.
Perhaps he’s using a different profile photo.
Or even on types of social media, you didn’t know about previously.
Your friends might be able to help you out with this one and let you know if they’ve seen him crop up on different social channels.
Don’t go snooping unless you’re ready for confrontation. If you get caught you have to be ready to stand your ground and let him know of your suspicions.
9) His browser history tells you so
While snooping is never a great move in a committed relationship, it might be the only way to get to the bottom of your suspicions.
As we mentioned above, don’t go snooping unless you’re ready to be open and honest about what’s going on. If you get caught, you have to be prepared for it to backfire.
After all, if you don’t have evidence that he’s been cheating, you’ve now broken his trust and potentially ruined a perfectly good relationship.
If you’re ready to go that extra mile and find out for sure, it’s snooping time.
Their browser history is a good indication of what they’ve been up to.
Check out what they have Googled recently, what sites they’ve visited and what social media they’re on. You may even want to go a step further and check his messages and emails and see what’s come through.
Remember, this is the point of no return in a relationship, so you want to be sure. Trust can be very hard to build back.
10) They never take calls in front of you
Does he always leave the room to take calls?
If it’s out of reasonable work hours and he escapes off into another room on his phone each night – it’s probably not a work call. Despite what he says!
But if you want to know for sure, ‘accidentally’ interrupt him one night.
Walk in to ask him something, before stopping in your tracks when you realise he’s on the phone.
It’ll give you a chance to see how he reacts.
If it’s a business call, he’ll likely apologise to the person on the other end before continuing the conversation.
If it’s something a little more, he might feel embarrassed, or even caught out. You’ll notice it in his body language and tone of voice.
11) Change in sex drive
Think about how your sex drive used to be.
Now, think about how it is now.
Has it changed?
If he’s in a cyber relationship, it could go one of two ways:
- He could want more of it.
- He could want less of it.
Unlike a physical affair, there is unlikely to be any sex involved. This is what could lead him to want more sex than normal.
He’s getting turned on by this other woman before coming to you to fulfil his needs.
On the other side of things, he may be fulfilling his own needs with her on the other side of the screen. In this case, he may want less from you.
It’s important to compare your sex life to what it used to be in order to determine whether or not there has been a dramatic change.
12) Weird behavior
Has his behavior changed all of a sudden?
Not just the fact he’s leaving the room to be on the phone, but in other ways too.
- Has he stopped saying I love you?
- Do you no longer talk about the future together?
- Have you stopped sharing the little things that have happened to both of you throughout the day?
These changes in behavior tend to happen gradually, so you may not even notice it’s occurring at the time.
But then you get to a point where you realize everything has changed.
When you notice other areas of his life, such as him always being on the phone and withdrawing from you, the little things tend to add up more.
13) He stops posting couple’s photos
Your guy may simply not be big on PDAs – there’s nothing wrong with that, not everyone is.
But, generally, most people tend to share their relationship on Facebook at some point.
Whether it’s in a family photo together, on a date night or simply out with friends.
Is he suddenly not wanting to put up photos?
Or has he changed his privacy settings so that he can no longer be tagged in them?
There’s might be someone else he doesn’t want to see those photos.
If his social sharing behavior has changed significantly, it might be worth broaching it with him and asking him why there’s been a sudden change.
14) Your gut tells you so
At the end of the day, it always comes down to that gut feeling. It’s a hard one to ignore.
Whether something is simply off in your relationship or the signs are very clear, some things you just know.
While it can help to have a bit of proof behind you, if you’re not prepared to wait it out then you need to just go with your gut feeling.
Confront him and see what he says. If you haven’t gone snooping, then you haven’t broken his trust. So, there’s no harm in asking him to confirm or deny your suspicions.
His reaction could be enough to convince you either way. Pay attention to his body language and choice of words – it will help determine whether or not he’s being honest with you.
My partner is having a cyber affair… now what?
So, you’ve read the signs and it’s clear as can be… your partner is cheating.
It can feel like a huge kick to the gut, so take some time to process your thoughts and be kind to yourself.
The next thing you will be asking yourself is… where to now?
The answer is going to be different for everyone.
Every relationship is different and everyone has different views on exactly what constitutes cheating in a relationship.
In fact, if you ask some people, if there’s no in-person contact then it shouldn’t be considered cheating at all.
Only you know where you and your partner stand on this issue.
What constitutes cheating online?
We all have that invisible line we’ve drawn in the sand that dictates what’s OK in a relationship and what’s not.
The problem is, the online world is often one area most couples neglect to talk about upfront.
A lot of the time, your partner may not even recognize what they’re doing as cheating – even if you do.
If it’s something you’ve both never sat down and clearly defined together, then it’s hard to work out where either of you stands on the issue.
Instead of jumping down your partner’s throat and accusing them of betraying you, stop and think.
Have you both discussed what’s OK and not OK when it comes to the online world?
If not, then consider how you feel about the relationship.
- Are you hoping to talk things through and work it out?
- Or are you done and ready to walk away?
If you’ve made it this far, it’s because something isn’t sitting right with you. A conversation needs to happen, whether you’re planning on breaking up with your partner or defining your online rules once and for all.
It’s time to confront your partner and let them know how you feel.
How to deal with online cheating…
When it comes to the online relationship world, things are a lot more subtle and ambiguous.
According to research, the internet has actually changed when people consider cheating. It used to be very cut a dry: a sexual encounter.
These days, simply liking the wrong Instagram post is enough to leave your partner in hot water.
So, how do you move forward when your partner has been caught online cheating?
Start the discussion. Open up and let him know what you suspect and why.
He may be completely oblivious that you consider his actions cheating in the first place. Your partner may have made a genuine mistake… or he could have been hiding it from you for a reason.
Emotional affairs can appear so much more innocent than physical interactions, yet they can be so much more damaging to a relationship.
He may also consider the fact you have snooped after him online a betrayal of trust, which can also impact your relationship just as deeply.
It’s up to both of you to work out how you feel about the cheating and breach of trust and whether or not you’re able to move forward.
One thing’s clear: it’s important to get on the same page when it comes to online cheating and has the discussion as early as possible.
Hindsight is always 20/20!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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