Pearl Nash
Let’s talk about that movie that never gets old: Jerry Maguire.
We all love Tom Cruise’s powerhouse performance, but let’s appreciate the unsung hero: Dorothy, aka Renée Zellweger!
She’s the one who sees beyond Jerry’s charming exterior and through to the real him. In other words… she’s a total keeper.
Ever had someone who saw the real you, the one you’re hiding from the world? Dorothy is that gal for Jerry, and it begs the question: who might be that person for us?
If you’re wondering if you’ve found yourself a real one, here are some of the psychologist-backed character traits of a keeper.
Let’s begin with one that Dorothy embodies: they make you want to be a better you.
1) They help you to unlock your full potential
Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt like you had to hide parts of yourself?
When you’ve found a true keeper, they not only accept you for who you are, they inspire and support you to become the best version of yourself.
In fact, a study on the major role romantic relationships play in mental wellbeing found this one to be true.
“A relationship which is beneficial for well-being would, in general terms, have high-quality levels, through which the partners can develop their potential, achieve personal and shared goals,” researchers shared.
When you’re with someone who encourages your personal growth and celebrates your achievements it’s like having your own personal cheerleader.
Let’s not forget the shared goals, the dreams that you both view with wide-eyed enthusiasm.
A gem of a partner doesn’t just see a future with you—they actively work with you to make it reality.
Whether it’s planning a trip, saving for a house, or supporting each other’s career goals, you’re creating a shared story that goes beyond the daily stuff.
2) You trust them completely
Trust is a gamechanger. Think of it as the glue that holds the relationship together.
A 2013 study found that if you trust your partner, it’s a strong sign you’ve got yourself a keeper.
Researchers linked the rates of relationship “satisfaction” to a couple’s ability to “establish their trust in each other.”
When you trust your partner, it’s not just about believing they won’t cheat on you. It goes deeper than that.
It’s about relying on them, knowing they’ve got your back, and feeling secure in the partnership.
When you trust your special person, you can share your deepest fears and your wildest dreams.
It’s the true freedom to be yourself without the fear of judgment or betrayal.
Now, ask yourself: Do you trust your partner?
If the answer is a resounding “yes,” hold onto this person, cherish them, and enjoy the ride.
3) They call you in, rather than calling you out
Ever heard the phrase Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse being bandied about?
If not, John Gottman, a famous psychologist and researcher in the field of relationship stability, introduced this concept as predictors of relationship breakdown.
The Four Horsemen include negative communication patterns that can basically predict a relationship breaking down.
These include contempt, which involves expressions of disrespect, defensiveness, where people deflect responsibility, stonewalling, a complete withdrawal during conflicts, and of course, criticism. Which we will go into in a sec.
If it all sounds like doom and gloom, trust me, it isn’t!
These markers are a great way to see what your partner is not doing (in a good way).
“Making your intentions clear in a respectful and assertive way can allow both of you to avoid needlessly hurting each other’s feelings,” explains a Gottman piece on criticism.
Does your partner do this? Do they voice their concerns by calling you in, rather than calling you out?
If they’re not one to criticize you—it’s a fantastic sign that you might have found the one.
Calling in shows emotional intelligence. It’s about expressing concerns without turning it into a courtroom drama.
In this way, your partner respects you, values the relationship, and is committed to a safe space for both of you.
No one likes feeling attacked, and avoiding criticism is super important in healthy relationships.
4) They are emotionally open with you
In an article for Psychology Today, Jim Taylor, Ph.D. propose the idea that a keeper is someone who is emotionally open with you.
“For genuinely healthy relationships, emotions and vulnerability are essential for meeting each other’s needs, feeling loved, and communicating effectively,” says Dr. Taylor.
He goes a little further, saying it’s important to ask yourself: “How emotionally accessible is your prospective partner?”
If you’re wondering what this means, an emotionally accessible partner is someone who creates a safe space for you to share your deepest feelings.
They’re sure to open up about their own emotions, too.
Emotionally accessible partners also excel at communication. They not only express themselves clearly but listen with an open heart, making sure no message gets lost in translation.
Emotional accessibility fuels intimacy, fosters understanding, and builds a foundation that can withstand the test of time—and that, my friend, that’s the true mark of a relationship worth cherishing.
5) Fights don’t get out of hand with them
A social psychology study concluded that if your partner is able to healthily solve conflict with you, then they’re likely to be a partner who’ll go the distance.
Their findings stressed “the importance of expanding the couples’ repertoire of positive conflict resolution strategies.”
Such strategies included “positive problem solving, conflict engagement, withdrawal and compliance.”
Basically, it’s not about avoiding conflict altogether (let’s be real, that’s just impossible!), but about handling it like a pro.
When you can talk through differences with your partner without it turning into a heated debate, it’s a sign you’ve got a keeper.
Both of you should be actively engaged in resolving issues, listening, and finding common ground.
Positive problem-solving is not just about fixing the issue at hand, it’s actually about growing together in the process.
It’s about finding solutions that leave both partners feeling heard, understood, and appreciated.
Plus it can be the difference between slapping a Band-Aid on a wound and actually healing it deep down.
This rare quality is the very thing that transforms a good relationship into a great one.
So, if you find yourself in a relationship where conflicts are resolved with grace, where positive strategies are the norm, give yourself a pat on the back.
Final thoughts
To sum things up, finding a good partner is like discovering a rare gem!
A keeper, like Dorothy in Jerry Maguire, inspires personal growth and shared goals, making a relationship deeper and more meaningful.
Trust is crucial, built on emotional safety and sharing fears and dreams.
Instead of criticizing, a good partner communicates respectfully, fostering understanding.
Emotional openness creates a strong connection through vulnerability and excellent communication patterns.
Lastly, solving conflicts well sets a great relationship apart from a good one.
Remember, a keeper is more than a companion—they navigate life with you, celebrate wins, and build a shared story.
Life’s too short to settle for less. Let’s go after relationships that encourage growth, trust, communication, and positive conflict resolution. We’ll be all the better for it.
