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12 signs you’re not rude, you’re just an introvert

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“No offense, but I thought you were a little stuck-up when I first met you.”

How many people have told you this?

I know I’ve been accused of being a little snobby.

But the truth is this:

I’m not rude, I’m just an introvert.

If you think that people are mistaking you for being rude because you’re introverted, then you might relate to these signs:

1. You can’t stand small-talk

We’ve all been there.

“How are you?” “Great weather today!”

Arrgh…such a waste of time.

For introverts, small talk is meaningless and superficial. You don’t get to know someone for who they truly are.

Instead, the questions and answers lack so much meaning that it doesn’t need to be said.

It’s just a way to fill the silence, but for you, you’d rather bask in the glory of silence!

This is why you come across as a cold person to others.

If you’re going to talk to someone, you’d rather get to know them at a deep level. What makes them tick. What is their life plan?

You want to know the purpose behind someone’s actions and what they find joyful in life.

But small-talk is so common these days that you’d prefer spending time alone.

2. You are direct with others

Introverts with a strong personality don’t beat around the bush.

They might not talk as much, but when they do, they don’t waste a word.

They communicate directly. If they’re happy with someone they say so, if they’re not they also make it known. This can lead to some conflict, but overall it’s often the best policy.

You prefer to communicate directly because you want to minimize unnecessary and excessive communication.

And we all know what leads to endless blabber and confusion:

Not saying what you mean and being unclear.

So confident introvert types tend to just lay it all out there.

Needless to say, this can offend some people, making you appear cold and ruthless.

3. You don’t bother faking your personality

An introvert doesn’t fake who they are.

They’re not going to play small-talk if they don’t want to, and they’re certainly not going to give you fake compliments just to make you feel better.

A confident introvert tells it how it is.

This is why some people can be taken aback by the direct nature of a confident introvert.

After all, most people are used to others being “fake nice” in order to get along with everyone.

Being real is a great quality to have. But what else makes you unique and exceptional?

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4. You don’t seek validation from others

You don’t want to be popular.

You don’t seek validation from others.

You know who you are and what you want in life.

While that’s great, it also means that some people think you’re cold because you don’t seek praise or compliments from others.

And when you do receive praise and you don’t show a reaction, other people think you don’t care.

But they don’t realize that you’re just happy with yourself and you don’t need external praise to boost your confidence.

5. You do your best work alone

You are much more productive when you’re alone in your office than when others are near you.

This is because it’s hard for you to not get distracted when other people are around you.

People talking, random questions while you’re working, the sounds of people chewing their food around you. It irks you to your core and it can really upset your workflow.

This is why you get annoyed when someone talks to you when you’re working in the office. If they spoke to you at a different time, you’d be nice and friendly.

But when you’re working alone? Nope, it just upsets your workflow.

Perhaps this has something to do with the fact that you’re not as comfortable around others as extroverts are.

You prefer to be alone concentrating on what you need to get done.

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6. You don’t have a problem saying no

There are some people who have a difficult time saying “no” to other people.

They don’t want to disappoint anyone, and even if it inconveniences them, the simple act of pleasing another person makes them feel better.

Why? Because they are dependent on their opinion of them and will do anything to protect it.

But strong introverts are different.

You aren’t afraid of saying “no” to people, even if it means hurting or disappointing those around you.

You have the strength to say no when something inconveniences you, and some people think that’s rude.

You don’t feel the need to put yourself second all the time, and you don’t even feel the need to explain yourself.

7. You don’t gossip or engage in drama

Gossiping…talking about people behind their back…one-upping people to make yourself look better. That’s just not your style.

In your mind, people spend way too much time on these toxic behaviors. It’s just wasted energy.

For you, it doesn’t even make you feel good.

You’d prefer to focus on yourself while keeping the peace with everyone else.

However, most people connect with each other through gossiping. Talking about others is a way to build rapport.

But you don’t engage in gossip as most people do, so other people think you’re simply not interested in becoming friends with them.

8. Talking on the phone isn’t fun for you

Some people love passing time talking on the phone.

But that’s just not you.

You don’t enjoy a long conversation unless there is meaning attached to it.

You love deep conversations but it’s rare to have a deep conversation with someone over the phone.

In general, it’s mainly just small talk.

You prefer having a deep conversation while physically being in the same space. It’s more real.

But when you’re at home enjoying your solitude, the last thing you want to do is fill time with needless chit-chat over the phone.

So when you don’t answer someone’s calls, people mistake you as rude.

But really it’s just the act of talking on the phone that you don’t like.

9. You prefer quality friends over quantity

When it comes to friendship, many people believe that an introvert doesn’t like socializing.

This isn’t true at all.

It’s more that they don’t like socializing randomly or with people they don’t really like much.

This means that when you don’t stop and talk to a stranger, people think you’re rude.

But it’s just the wrong time for you.

Introverts love having friends and socializing at the right time, but they tend to be very selective about who joins their pack.

That means that casual chit-chat and random friendships are usually off the table.

This can make you appear cold because you tend to avoid casual conversations with people you don’t know very well.

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10. When you’re alone, you get to do what you want to do

When you’re with other people, you don’t always get to do what you want to. There’s always an element of compromise.

You can’t always pick your favorite movie or go to your favorite restaurant when there are other people involved.

And sure, every now and then it’s fine to try a new restaurant that your friend recommends.

But when it comes down to it, you’d rather just do what you want to do.

This is why you love being alone. You can work on your passion projects or watch your favorite TV shows. Everything is easy.

And people think you’re rude because you’re always turning down social invitations.

But for you, it’s nothing to do with them, and more to do with the fact you can’t turn down a night of being alone working on your passion project.

11. You’re Comfortable In Your Own Skin

You don’t feel the need to change your look every time the seasons come and go and the latest fashions and trends hit the market.

Even while everyone else around you is sporting the latest hair, styles, and even workouts, you’re more than happy to be yourself.

Why? Because you love yourself, and you love your look and body.

You don’t need the latest of anything to feel good about yourself, because you already feel good about yourself.

And the things that make you feel good about yourself don’t come from other people — they come from inside of you.

This is different to a lot of people. They need the external influence of people praising them and think they’re high social status.

For you, you’re already content with yourself, so why should you care about the material things that people seem to focus on?

12. You are honest with your emotions

Life is full of ups and downs. We experience continually experience a mix of emotions, from sadness one moment to frustration in the next. We then go through bouts of joy and happiness, short-lived though they may be.

The constant cycle of emotions doesn’t faze you. In fact, you embrace all of your emotions without needing to judge them or change them.

You are honest with yourself about what you’re experiencing in that present moment.

This can mean that when you’re speaking to someone, you can’t help but show your emotion if you feel uncomfortable.

Putting yourself first

Hey, Lachlan from Hack Spirit here.

What’s your number one goal at the moment?

Is it to buy that car you’ve been saving up for?

To finally start that side-hustle that’ll hopefully help you quit your 9-5 one day?

Or to take the leap and finally ask your partner to move in?

Whatever it is, you’re not going to get there, unless you’ve got a plan.

And even then…plans fail.

But I didn’t write this to you to be the voice of doom and gloom…

No, I’m writing this because I want to help you achieve the goals you’ve set.

I’ve recently been taking part in a workshop called Life Journal created by teacher and career coach Jeanette Brown.

Covering all the basics and more on what’s needed to reach your goals, Jeannette tackles everything from creating habits and new behavior patterns to putting your plans into action.

She doesn’t mess around – this workshop will require effort on your part but that’s the beauty of it – Jeanette has carefully designed it to put YOU in the driving seat of your life.

Click here to find out more about Life Journal.

So…think back to that important goal I asked about at the start of this message.

How much do you want it?

Are you willing to put the effort in to get there?

If so, check out the workshop here.

If you do take part, I’d love to hear how your Life Journey goes!

All the best,
Lachlan

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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