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12 brutal signs your man is pretending to love you

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Worried your man is pretending to love you?

It’s a horrible feeling, but you’re not alone.

In this article, I’m going to share with you all the signs showing a man is faking his love for you.

In fact, if you’ve been wondering for a while whether your man really loves you, you’ll finally be able to get to the bottom of it after reading this article.

I hope for your sake you’re proven wrong.

Let’s get started.

1. His body language is not consistent with what he is saying

This article is about looking for a guy that is “pretending” he loves you.

So, what better way to look to see if he is pretending than by looking at his body language?

So ask yourself:

When he tells you he loves you (or other nice compliments or words), what is his body language like?

Body language is very hard to fake. When someone is being insincere their body will give you clues.

After all, nobody is really conscious of what their body is doing.

Here are some body language signs to look for to see if he is being truthful with what he says.

Genuine smiles:

When a person smiles for real it’s known by experts as a Duchenne smile. The authentic smile is proven by crow’s feet wrinkles around the eyes.

If a guy is pretending to be happy or smile you may notice a lack of wrinkles around his eyes. But just because the crinkles are there doesn’t necessarily mean they’re elated.

Mirroring:

When the chemistry is flowing well, a person tends to mirror the person they’re with. This includes a similar posture, movements, hand gestures, and more.

When you’re in a conversation together, do you both seem to be using similar body language? Speaking at the same tempo?

Watch for your man’s body language and see if it is mirroring you.

More signs? Him holding eye contact, orienting his feet towards you, him looking at your lips and him wanting to be close to you.

These are great body language signs that he genuinely likes you, and it’s not fake.

2. You are not his priority

If a guy is actually in love with you, he’ll want to protect you at all costs. No ifs or buts.

When you’re feeling sick and you need someone to come and lift you up, he’s the first person there.

When you’re in a heated argument with someone else he’ll automatically take your side.

If he’s not willing to protect you when shit goes south, then that could mean one of two things:

1. He is selfish and only cares for himself.
2. He doesn’t really love you.

There’s actually a theory in psychology that explains this concept really well.

It’s called the hero instinct.

Basically, it says that men are naturally protective over women.

In fact, a study published in the Physiology & Behavior journal shows that male’s testosterone makes them feel protective over the woman they love.

They want to be their hero and step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and provide and protect her.

This is rooted in male biology.

So unfortunately if you’re not triggering the hero instinct then it may mean that he doesn’t really love you.

He might pretend he loves you by occasionally taking you out to dinner or holding your hand in public. That’s elementary.

But if he isn’t willing to protect you when the situation calls for it, then you know where his true feelings lie.

3. He isn’t consistent with his actions and words

Consistency is a key characteristic indicating strong emotion or belief. If he consistently says something then you can be sure he at least believes it is true and cares about it.

If he changes up what he says and talks in confusing, half-assed ways, it’s a glaring red alert that he’s not being real in some way.

Consistency — especially on detailed and specific things he says — means he’s not just talking to hear his own voice and means what he says.

So watch for consistency on his part.

4. He’s putting people above you

If a man truly loves you, then you’ll be his number one priority.

So ask yourself these questions:

Does your man jump at every chance he gets to hang out with his friends?

Does he rush over to his friend’s house anytime they ask?

Look, there’s nothing much wrong with this, even if it annoys you a little.

But if he puts his friends’ needs above yours, then that’s clearly a problem.

He might tell you that he loves you, but if he regularly prefers spending night after night having dinner and drinking beer with his friends than going out with you, then his actions show what he feels about you.

Picture this scenario:

If you’re sick at home and you need help with making dinner, but his friends ask me out for a beer, which one does he pick?

If he loves you, he should of course choose you.

But you’re obviously not a priority in his life if he doesn’t opt to be there for you when you really need it.

Remember: Actions speak louder than words.

5. He doesn’t care when he disappoints you

Accidents happen — that’s just life.

We can’t help but let people down from time to time. While it’s not ideal, it’s how we handle the situation that matters.

If your husband is constantly letting you down, consider how he acts about it.

Does he seem to care that he keeps disappointing you and hurting your feelings?

It’s important to be open and honest with him each time he lets you down, so he knows exactly how it makes you feel.

If he still doesn’t seem to care, knowing how you feel, then you’re not a priority in his life and he doesn’t truly love you.

In fact, he’s going to keep disappointing you over and over again unless something changes.

6. He’s cheated on you

He might tell you that he loves you, and he might apologize profusely when you found out that he was cheating, but you still have to wonder if he truly means it.

Because the truth is this:

If he has cheated on you, then it might be a sign that he isn’t in love with you. After all, when we enter into a relationship, we commit to each other and that means being monogamous.

Now if this is in the past, and you feel like he has truly made an effort since then, then he may love you.

But if he doesn’t seem genuinely remorseful about it, then that might be a sign that he just doesn’t love you.

When you love someone, you should feel genuinely terrible about hurting them, and if he can’t even muster up the emotion to feel terrible about cheating on you, then he may not truly love you.

7. He doesn’t trust you

You know he might be pretending to love you if he doesn’t really trust you.

If he doesn’t trust anything you say or do, and he is never truly sure what you’re getting up to behind his back, then he may not really love you.

According to him, you might be having a secret relationship on the side.

But when you love someone, you know that is simply not the case. With true love, comes trust. And with trust, a relationship thrives.

Remember, trust is one of the most important traits for a relationship to survive, according to Rob Pascale, Ph.D. says in Psychology Today:

“Trust is one of the keystones of any relationship—without it two people cannot be comfortable with each other and the relationship lacks stability.”

8. They’re putting you down and making you feel like sh*t

I don’t care who you are. If you truly love someone, you don’t make them feel like sh*t.

So it goes without saying that if he doesn’t care about making you feel bad, then he might not really love you.

If you’re feeling crap around them because they’re lowering your self-esteem with subtle, backhanded statements, then it’s a clear sign that the relationship probably isn’t benefiting you and he doesn’t truly love you.

It’s never fun to be on the receiving end of an insulting comment. You might tell yourself to ignore the comment, but part of it may inevitably stick, and you worry that something is actually “wrong” with you.

Anyone that makes you feel worse, even if it is not intentional, probably doesn’t love you.

9. Is he a player?

The reason I put this here is more for the ladies who have been going out with this guy for a short time and you’re wondering if he is really serious about a relationship.

In these situations, you really need to watch out for the players.

Players are experts at appearing like they’re genuinely into a guy but really they just want to get in her pants.

The best way to find out if he is a player?

Does he talk himself up a lot? Or does he keep his ego in check?

If he’s always talking himself up and his ego is bloated like a balloon then there’s a good chance he’s running a game on you and not being fully genuine.

Guys who brag and are full of themselves barely tell the truth half the time, even to themselves.

They are living in a fantasy world they’ve constructed where they’re infallible and wonderful and the world should worship them.

10. He doesn’t express his true feelings to you

One of the best ways for how to tell if a guy is pretending is look at whether he’s really letting you in on his personal thoughts and experiences or not.

Some guys take longer to open up than others, so it depends a lot on his personality.

That’s an important consideration as well. Some guys do struggle to open up.

But if you’ve been with this guy for quite a while and he never really lets you in what he is truly thinking, then that’s probably not a good sign.

If he truly loves you and he means what he’s saying then he’s going to share some of his personal life with you.

He’ll also open up about his passions and interests. Whether or not you share similar interests, the fact that he’s opening up is a very good sign that it’s not just pretending.

11. He is hiding you from his loved ones

Introducing your family and friends to your partner is not something you take lightly. It’s a huge step.

But if you’ve been together for a while and he still hasn’t introduced you to his family and friends, then something is definitely up.

According to relationship expert, Susan Winter, “gaining access to your partner’s inner circle is a mark of their commitment”.

So if you feel like he just won’t introduce you to his family or friends, that’s a red flag that he might not love you.

12. You notice him flirting with other women in front of you

If your guy hasn’t let go of his flirtatious behavior after dating you a few times, it could be that he’s not really invested in the relationship the way you are.

It’s likely that this bothers you more than you are letting on so be honest with yourself about whether or not you think it’s okay for him to do that and then make a decision about whether or not to carry on in the relationship.

He’s probably not putting that much thought into it so maybe you shouldn’t either.

After all, flirting may be natural in some cases.

According to David Givens, an anthropologist, “when you have to get males and females close together to exchange genetic material, there are signs that have evolved to show safeness and interest…There are the signs and signals that make up our flirting, and they go way back some 500 million years.”

Does he love you? Or doesn’t he?

The truth is that he may not even know the answer…

Men are wired differently to women. We’re driven by different things when it comes to relationships. And most of the time, we’re not even consciously aware of the things that drive us.

I’ve recently been introduced to a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that explains so much about men: the hero instinct.

What is it?

As I touched upon earlier in this article, the hero instinct is the basic biological urge men have to provide for and protect women.

Simply put, men want to be your hero. Not necessarily an action hero like Thor, but he does want to step up to the plate for the woman in his life. And to be appreciated for his efforts.

For many women, learning about the hero instinct was their “aha moment”. It was for Hack Spirit writer Pearl Nash.

Some ideas really are life-changing. And for relationships, this is one of them.

Watch this free online video where James Bauer explains in simple terms what the hero instinct is really about.

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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