None of us are perfect.
But for the rare few, we strive to remain genuine and true to ourselves and to others.
Still, we aren’t always the best judge of our own characters.
That’s why I’ve put together this list of 16 signs you’re a kind-hearted person with an authentic personality.
1) You really listen
One of the top signs you’re a rare person with a truly kind heart is that you truly listen to others when they talk to you.
This means that even when you disagree or find them ridiculous you give them a fair hearing and absorb the words they’re saying.
In a world of lightning-fast reactions and offense taking, you go a little slower and wait for someone to really speak their mind because the genuine person knows that you can’t judge everything in small soundbites.
“When you’re authentic, you experience fewer emotional threats to your ego, which makes you a good listener — even when someone else contradicts your views.
You are more than willing to consider contradictory ideas with an open mind and change your opinion, if the argument makes sense,” observes Sherrie Campbell.
2) You’re helpful but not excessively
Another of the clearest signs you’re a rare person with a kind heart is that you’re helpful to those around you whenever possible.
You lend a helping hand if you can, assist with community causes, chip in on GoFundMe’s if you have some money and you’re an all-around considerate person.
The dividing line here is that you won’t help others to the extent that you harm yourself.
The truly genuine and well-balanced individual knows that his or her own wellbeing must be secure before being able to assist others.
And for that reason, he or she will prioritize self-care and have a certain cut-off line which they won’t cross when it comes to helping out.
This healthy self-respect functions well at keeping away freeloaders, perpetual victims, and others who can often exploit people of goodwill.
3) You accept responsibility for what you do
One of the top signs you’re a kind-hearted and genuine person is that you never duck responsibility.
If you do a project or agree to a deal you stick by it and accept responsibility, rain or shine.
If it succeeds then great, if it fails then damn.
But either way, you’re not going to pass the buck on someone else or try to twist it in some way.
You accept responsibility for what you do because you know that it’s only by fulling standing behind your work and your actions that you’re ever going to move forward in life and build accountability with others and with yourself.
You accept responsibility because you know that life is better for everyone when there’s full transparency.
4) You’re not driven by outer praise and recognition
We live in a world that seems to be all about clout, both online and offline.
But one of the biggest signs you’re a rare person with a truly authentic and kind-hearted personality is that you’re not driven by outer praise and recognition.
Do you care? Sure, of course.
But it doesn’t fundamentally change your direction or sway you to make decisions in life.
While you enjoy being appreciated just like anyone else, you don’t let it take you off track from your goals when you’re criticized.
And you don’t let praise and honeyed words entice you into projects, goals, actions, or relationships you don’t actually want.
5) You know how to make a relationship work
A kind-hearted person brings out the best in their partner.
They don’t waste time playing games, indulging in drama, or messing about with the feelings of others.
We all need to live meaningful lives and earn the respect of the people we care about.
That’s what men want from a relationship above all else — respect. We need this more than love and even more than sex.
There’s a new concept in relationship psychology that spells all this out. It’s called the hero instinct.
A kindhearted and authentic woman doesn’t need help from a man, but she equally isn’t afraid to let him solve little problems, come to her aid, and prove himself useful. She knows this gives him a sense of meaning and purpose.
To learn more about the hero instinct, check out this quick video by relationship expert James Bauer.
He reveals the things you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can make to trigger this very natural instinct in your man.
6) You don’t put on a fake face
We live in modern societies that put a big emphasis on presentation and appearance.
Marketing conferences teach how to make a good impression, and corporations train employees how to seem pleasant or appeal in just the right way.
That’s not to mention dating and other fields, where people are expected to live up to some magic ideal that will supposedly make them more attractive or a more desirable partner.
As a truly genuine person with a kind heart, you don’t bother with all that guff. You care about social norms, sure, but you don’t hide or fake who you are.
“Highly authentic people don’t hide their feelings or pretend they are feeling something they are not. If they are upset, they show it. If they like someone, they let them know.
They express their feelings honestly and openly without fear or prejudice. Showing your true feelings allows others to know who you are and what you stand for.
Authentic people do this all the time and it frees them from the burden of bottled up emotions.,” notes David K. William.
7) You aren’t obsessed with material success
One of the main signs you’re a kind-hearted person is that you know the art of balance.
You care about succeeding in life and providing a good life for those you love.
But you never lose sight of why you’re working hard and what’s most important in life.
You work to live, you don’t live to work.
And that distinction makes all the difference.
Because the truth is some people can start to see work as a kind of escape for life and an addiction.
Material gain, promotions and career advancement become their heroin, and they can’t stop chasing it – only to end up at the end of their life with a pile of money and nobody else around to share it with.
“Much like someone with a drug addiction, a person with a work addiction achieves a ‘high’ from working. This leads them to keep repeating the behavior that gives them this high.
“People with a work addiction may be unable to stop the behavior despite the negative ways it may affect their personal life or physical or mental health.”
8) You’re not striving for perfection
Improving yourself and becoming a better human is always a wonderful idea.
But striving for perfection isn’t just impossible, it’s actually a terrible idea.
As the shaman Ruda Iande teaches, you don’t need to be perfect anyway, and striving for some “pure” state is actually an unhealthy obsession.
It leads directly to becoming a fake person.
One of the strongest signs you’re a rare person with a truly authentic personality is that you treat life as a journey, not a destination.
You’re not in it for status, numbers, ideal goals, or any other abstract thing.
At any one time, you’re only striving to be a better you than yesterday.
9) You love others whenever possible
We’re not living in a utopia or Heaven on earth, but one of the top signs you’re a rare person with a kind-hearted personality is that you love others whenever possible.
You have an ego like all of us, but you don’t let petty disagreements or outer judgments stop you from being a decent person to those you meet along the road of life.
If someone abuses that trust you’re going to protect yourself like any of the rest of us.
But your general approach to the world when you’re a genuinely down-to-earth guy is to give love a chance.
10) You recognize your blind spots
Being a rare person with a truly authentic personality makes you able to admit your own faults.
You know what you don’t know and you admit it.
There’s no ego involved because you know that the price of pretending to know everything and always be on your game can be very high.
At a job it could be major mistakes, lost time and profits, or injury; in a marriage, it could be betrayal and major arguments; among friends, it could be a loss of faith in you as a buddy or a good gal pal.
So you recognize your blind spots and state them right upfront.
If your friend asks you if you want to golf and you don’t know how you just admit it; if your boss says he wants a report on oil futures and you have no idea of the first place to start you just be upfront and tell him it’s not your bag.
11) You don’t feel superior
One of the most convincing signs you’re a kind-hearted person with an authentic personality is that you don’t feel superior.
You really, truly don’t.
Life’s thrown you enough experiences and you’ve met enough people to know that ideas like being better than someone really have no ultimate meaning.
You just don’t see life that way. You see it as a collaboration, and you see potential learning experiences potentially around every corner.
“They treat everyone with respect regardless of their profession, designation, or position in society. However, their politeness is not pretense.
Genuine people never consider themselves to be better than others. They know that their behavior reflects who they are and how others treat them.”
12) You accept that you’re not everyone’s cup of tea
Being authentic and true to yourself doesn’t mean everyone is going to like you.
It doesn’t mean you’ll meet your soulmate or twin flame tomorrow.
Part of being authentic is that you don’t hinge your worth or your plans upon the opinions and reactions of others.
You know fully well that you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea and it doesn’t bother you.
Because you’re honest enough to admit not everyone is your cup of tea either.
And honestly, that’s OK.
13) Your word is your bond
You have a kind heart that sometimes gives too much but at least that you mean what you say.
You can be the best man or woman on the planet with hundreds of friends and projects to help people worldwide, but if you constantly fall back on your word people will stop trusting you.
And a big part of being legit is that you don’t say you’ll do something unless you fully plan to do it.
This one habit of backing up your words with action can actually make you a much more alpha and intimidating man (in a good way) and a much more formidable and impressive woman.
This one step of following through on your words is a major life hack that can come right near the beginning of any self-improvement regimen.
14) You change careers to chase your dreams
It’s no secret that many people are stuck in jobs and careers that they hate deeply.
Even if their family, friends, and other aspects of life are amazing they just feel plain miserable when they step through the office door, onto the job site or into their home office.
And that’s unfortunate.
As someone who loves his job, I know that I’ve had to change jobs about 20 times and careers three or four times to find what was a fit for me.
Although I recognize that not everyone has the life flexibility and privilege to do such a thing, I would encourage anyone looking for fulfillment to keep pushing.
Don’t let others push you around or define your dreams for you.
Chase your core passion and go for it even if people tell you it’s pie in the sky.
15) You always remember the big picture
A truly genuine and kind person understands that you always remember the big picture.
You get flustered or confused like all the rest of us, but you have that last little tenacious hold on reality that keeps you just a bit calmer and more mature when other people go haywire.
And helps you hold back just a little from what could turn into arguments or emotional situations.
The big picture is that regardless of our religious or spiritual beliefs, we are all going to die.
And we’re all fragile human beings who feel joy, pain, and disappointment.
We undergo injustice and victory and everything else on this life journey and in the end, we seize what control we can to make the best of it.
But remembering the big picture that we’re all in this ship together – one way or another – goes an amazingly long way to being a more genuine and less judgmental person.
16) You stand up for your beliefs regardless of popularity
Perhaps the most important of the signs you’re a rare person with a truly authentic personality is that you stand up for your beliefs regardless of popularity.
“People who have an honest character and clear values speak up when they see those values being violated.”
Many people will fold or hide what they think for safety or conformity.
Unless their life is literally in danger or it would be extremely foolish the genuine man or woman is honest about their values.
If they don’t drink and others are pressuring them they respectfully decline.
If their husband says he wants an open relationship and it’s not compatible with their values the authentic person simply says so in as nice – and firm – a way as possible.
Staying true to yourself in a fake world
Staying true to yourself in a fake world isn’t easy.
But it’s actually the only choice you have.
The more you try to trim yourself to fit the world and be the person you imagine is acceptable or popular, the more unhappy and lost you’ll become.
One way or another life and the universe will keep guiding you back to the familiar milestones with one message on them: be you.
We grow up with so many labels and so much conditioning that tells us to put appearance over reality and to conform to numerous social structures which don’t exist for our benefit or growth.
In a world of consumerism and quick fixes that tell us pain and suffering are “bad” and tries to sell us a glossy fake version of life, you’re bucking the trend.
As an authentic person, you refuse anything less than looking life straight in the eyes and being 100% honest about what you find.
You’re going on the oldest journey of the human experience: the journey to find yourself and your place in this wild universe of constant change, triumph and despair, rage and blissful love.
And if you’re one of those rare people with a truly authentic personality then you’ll feel the rightness of that journey in your bones. Because it rings true with everything you’ve ever felt or experienced.
I keep in mind the wise words of French absurdism author and philosopher Albert Camus:
“But above all, in order to be, never try to seem.”
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
Putting yourself first
What’s your number one goal at the moment?
Is it to buy that car you’ve been saving up for?
To finally start that side-hustle that’ll hopefully help you quit your 9-5 one day?
Or to take the leap and finally ask your partner to move in?
Whatever your goals are, there’s a hidden trap in how you set them.
The trap is this:
You’ll only experience genuine life satisfaction when your goals are aligned with your values.
Because when values and goals are aligned, you enjoy the journey much more. And this makes achieving your goals much more likely.
If you find it hard to articulate your deeper life values, I suggest downloading the free values exercise by career coach Jeanette Brown.
It takes only a couple of minutes and will reveal a number of powerful insights about your underlying values.
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