If you’re searching for signs that your husband doesn’t love you anymore, I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that your husband isn’t as happy as he once was and your marriage isn’t as connected as it could be.
Am I right?
You know you love your husband, and you know that he used to love you, but now you’re not so sure.
All marriages go through rough patches.
And as time passes the ways in which your husband will express his love will change.
But if you’re wondering whether your husband loves you at all, then this is the article for you.
I’m going to go through all of the signs that suggest he may not love you anymore.
Keep in mind that seeing one or two of these signs doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you, but the more signs you see, then the more likely it is.
1. He just isn’t interested in what’s going on in your life
Early in your marriage and before it, I bet that your husband was grossly interested in your ramblings about your life.
He’d want to know what your goals were, how your job is going and what you want your life to look like in the future.
But for some reason, those conversations have come to a complete stop.
Whenever you try to talk about something that you’re passionate about, or something that’s going on in your personal life, he just seems to switch off.
He never asks how your day has gone, or what’s happening at work or with your friends.
You try to ask him questions, but he doesn’t seem like he wants to talk.
2. He just won’t listen
No matter what you say to him, he just seems to zone out.
Even everyday mundane topics like changes in your work shift schedule or problems with the bathroom, he seems to forget almost immediately.
Occasionally he grunts or nods, but it’s honestly like he may as well not be in the room when you’re talking.
He’s always on his phone, laptop, or watching TV – basically anything but engaging in a conversation with you.
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3. Trust is gone between the two of you
Respect and trust are huge components of a strong relationship.
But if it seems like your husband has lost both components for you then that’s not a good sign.
How can you tell?
A sign that he has lost respect for you is if he won’t listen to anything you say.
If you give your opinion on an important issue, he doesn’t even consider it.
That is a big sign of disrespect.
And when you say you’ve gone out with your gal friends, he questions what you were really up to.
You used to trust each other and support each other’s ambition in life but now that’s non-existent.
4. He has withdrawn from all affection
Many couples kiss each other before saying goodbye for the day or embrace each other warmly when they see each other after a long day of work.
Others hug each other at least once per day or they snuggle on the couch together watching TV at night.
But if your man has withdrawn completely from any actions of affection, then it might be a bad sign that he has fallen out of love with you.
This is especially the case if he used to be quite affectionate and romantic, but now it seems like he just can’t be bothered.
Something has obviously changed.
What happens when you try to show him affection?
If he pulls away even further than that’s not a good sign.
5. He doesn’t want bedroom action anymore
Passion in the bedroom isn’t everything in a relationship, but it can explain a lot.
It’s only natural that most relationships start out with heated passion in the bedroom, but then slowly fizzle into something that fits into a routine.
But that doesn’t mean that it should fizzle away completely.
If bedroom action is never instigated by him, and he hardly ever responds to your efforts to get him in the bedroom, then that’s not a very good sign.
Another sign that he may be falling out of love with you is if the sex between the two of seems almost mechanical like a robot.
There’s no emotional connection. No passion. And it’s simply a race to see who finishes quickest. This is a sign that there’s no real intimacy and emotional connection.
One important consideration is that he may be suffering performance issues in bed, which may have nothing to do with you.
Most men experience this at some point in their lives.
For example, if a man is having trouble with his testosterone levels (because he is getting older, or has other health issues) then he might not have as much blood flowing around.
Therefore, his mind is telling him that he is sexually excited by you, but his groin area isn’t computing.
Stress, anxiety, or depression can also hinder a person physically to the point where not every organ is functioning as it should.
6. He never considers your opinion
We all have our opinions about important issues in life. I’m sure you’re always looking out for your husband and what you believe is best for him.
But if he doesn’t even listen to your opinion when he is dealing with a work or life issue, then that’s a sign that he doesn’t respect you.
A guy doesn’t have to do what his wife tells him to, but he should at least consider her opinion and talk with her about it.
That is what a good marriage is about. But if your husband no longer loves you, he will just ignore what you say and do what he thinks is best.
7. He is completely focused on himself
He only cares about what’s important to him. He’s completely self-centered and rarely considers your feelings or what you’re going through.
He focuses almost exclusively on doing things that please him more than they please you. He hardly ever compromises.
If he used to be less self-centered and more focused on your needs, then this isn’t a good sign.
Sometimes this can be an emotional issue that forces him to focus on himself more.
But it doesn’t excuse him to totally ignore your needs and wants.
Relationships are a two-way street and if he is only focused on himself, then it may be that his love has disappeared from the relationship.
8. He doesn’t protect you anymore
When a man is truly in love, he can’t help but protect his object of affection. It’s in his DNA.
A study published in the Physiology & Behavior journal shows that male’s testosterone makes them feel protective over their mate’s safety and well-being.
There’s actually a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that’s getting a lot of buzz at the moment. It goes to the heart of the riddle about why men fall in love—and who they fall in love with.
The theory claims that men want to be your hero. That they want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and provide and protect her.
This is deeply rooted in male biology.
People are calling it the hero instinct. I wrote a detailed primer about the concept which you can read here.
The kicker is that a man won’t fall in love with you when he doesn’t feel like your hero.
He wants to see himself as a protector. As someone, you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as an accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.
I know this might sound a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into our DNA to seek out relationships that allow us to feel like a protector.
If you would like to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this free online video by the relationship psychologist who coined the term. He provides a fascinating insight into this new concept.
So if he is failing to protect you, then that might be a bad sign that he is falling out of love with you.
How can you tell?
Does he put his body on the side of the traffic when you’re crossing the street?
Does he try to save your day when you’re going through a crisis?
Does he rush to fix the tire on your car when it’s broken down?
If you answer no to these questions, then he may have lost the passion to be your hero.
9. He is constantly hanging out with people that aren’t you
Is he staying home late at work? Hanging out with his buddies?
But at the same time, he hardly ever spends time with you?
If you used to do romantic dates and fun things together, but now you feel marginalized in your own relationship, then something is obviously up.
He may find spending time with you not as fun as it used to be and he is avoiding it.
10. Date nights never happen
Date nights are important for any couple. Taking time out to enjoy each other’s company, whether it’s going out for dinner, or even watching a movie snuggling with each other on the couch, is a sign of a strong relationship.
But it’s a sign that he may be falling out of love with you if these nights are few and far between.
Sure, he might fold and take you out for important nights like your birthday, or anniversary, but even then, if he tries to keep it low key and doesn’t seem to enjoy himself, then that he’s not fully invested in making the most of these date nights.
11. He never seems to compliment you
I think we can both agree that when you’re in love with someone, you can’t help but compliment them.
Whether it’s their cute nose, or the way they carry themselves, you just want to let them know how much you admire those traits in them.
But if he never seems to compliment you, or notice anything about you, then it shows where his focus is.
Perhaps in the past he’d notice immediately when you get your hair done, or you dress a little differently.
But now? He doesn’t even pay attention. Even when you sit down and think about it, you literally can’t remember the last time he gave you a genuine compliment.
12. He doesn’t feel essential to you
For a man, feeling essential to a woman is often what separates “like” from “love”.
Don’t get me wrong, no doubt your husband loves your strength and abilities to be independent.
But he still wants to feel wanted and useful — not dispensable!
This is because men have a built in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves constantly searching for something else — or worst of all, someone else.
Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. I talked briefly about this concept above.
As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.
So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to commit to a relationship with any woman. He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in you unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential.
How do you trigger this instinct in him, and give him this sense of meaning and purpose?
You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape or form.
In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.
In his new video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.
By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only give him greater satisfaction but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.
13. He is ignoring you
Does he ignore your text or take ages to respond? Does he forget to let you know what he is doing after work?
Unfortunately, these signs show that you may not be top of his mind. If he truly loves you, he will want to make time for you and see you whenever he can.
14. He treats other people better than the way he treats you
He might tell you he loves you, but his actions speak louder than his words.
If you go out to the restaurant and he seems to pay more respect to the waiter than you, then something is up and it isn’t good.
Those compliments you used to get are now reserved for other people.
He respects the opinion of anyone else but you.
When there are other people around, he seems like the most generous and nice person of all time.
But when it’s just the two of you? He acts almost the opposite. This only serves to show how little respect he has for the marriage these days.
QUIZ: Is he pulling away? Find out exactly where you stand with your man with our new “is he pulling away” quiz. Check it out here.
15. He is always irritable with you
We can all get stressed from time to time. This can make us angry and short with others.
But if he seems to be short with you and no one else, then that might be a sign that he is falling out of love with you.
And maybe you’re beginning to hate him for it.
He just seems to lack patience with you and is quick to get angry at even the slightest inconvenience that you cause.
He raises his voice, makes negative remarks, and doesn’t do anything you say.
How can you make him love you again? Here are 3 crucial things to do
1. Make your husband feel like a hero
If you want your husband to fall back in love with you, you must make him feel like your provider and protector, and someone you genuinely admire.
In other words, you have to make him feel like a hero (not exactly like Thor though).
I know it sounds a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a provider.
Men have a thirst for admiration. They want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and service, provide and protect her. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
And the kicker?
A man won’t fall in love with a woman when this thirst isn’t satisfied.
He wants to see himself as a provider. As someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as a mere accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.
If you don’t make him feel this, he will feel like less of a man. Emasculated. And your husband will lose interest in you over time.
There’s actually a psychological term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the hero instinct. This term was coined by relationship psychologist James Bauer.
Now, you can’t trigger his hero instinct just giving him admiration next time you see him. Men don’t like receiving participation awards for showing up. Trust me.
A man wants to feel like he has earned your admiration and respect.
You have to find ways to make him feel like your hero. There’s an art to doing this which can be a lot of fun when you know exactly what to do. But it requires a little more work than just asking him to fix your computer or carry your heavy bags.
The best way to learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy is to watch this free online video. James Bauer gives a terrific introduction to his concept.
If you can trigger this instinct successfully, then you’ll see the results immediately.
When a man genuinely feels like your hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and interested in being in a committed, long-term relationship with you.
The hero instinct is a subconscious drive men have to gravitate toward people who make him feel like a hero. But it’s amplified in his romantic relationships.
Hack Spirit writer Pearl Nash discovered this for herself and in the process completely turned around a lifetime of romantic failure. You can read her story here.
Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, this is one of them. That’s why you should watch this free online video where you can learn how to trigger the hero instinct.a
2. Make time to do fun things together
When you’re getting deeper into your marriage, it’s easy to forget to have fun.
The more you mesh your lives together, the more time you seem to spend on chores and just generally mooching about, rather than on exciting dates and adventures.
This is, in part, an inevitable consequence of being in a marriage.
Being able to do boring stuff together as well as partying all night and swinging from the chandeliers is just part of creating a strong, long-term bond.
But unfortunately, this “boredom” can be a significant reason a husband can fall out of love.
So keep this mind:
Just because you’re married doesn’t mean that the fun’s over.
It’s vital that you don’t allow your relationship to end up being just about sensible nights in and saving for the future. This isn’t an either/or kind of choice at all.
You know that famous breakup phrase “I love you but I’m not in love with you”? What that often really means is “we don’t do fun stuff together anymore”.
Having fun together is part of the fabric of a relationship. It is a big part of what binds you together.
In the beginning, fun was what it was all about. Now, it can’t be anything. But you can make sure it’s still a pretty big feature.
The way you do this? It’s boring, but schedule in some fun time.
If it’s not happening naturally, then you need to take action to make sure it starts happening.
Maybe a regular Saturday night date, or a Sunday movie, or just a hot night in once in a while. Whatever works for you and your husband.
3. Love yourself
Sounds lame? Sure. But if you don’t love yourself, how can you expect your husband to love you?
Think about it:
If you don’t love yourself, then you believe that you are not worthy of love.
And if you think that you’re not worthy of love, then you’re struggling to build a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
We’ve all heard it before. People who are confident in themselves and what they have to offer the world are more attractive to those around them. It’s no different for your husband.
It’s about ensuring that you’re lovable and showing your husband that you’re worthy of love and interest.
Think about your first forays into the dating world as a teenager.
At this age, most of us are nervous and unsure of ourselves. After all, we’re still figuring out our identity and place in the world.
While some lucky people are able to forge long-lasting relationships at that age, most people don’t. Why? Because they haven’t learned how to love themselves enough to be able to achieve it.
As we grow, we learn to love ourselves. Or at least, that’s the theory.
But loving yourself can be difficult to do, even for the most confident person out there.
We’ve grown up believing that loving ourselves is arrogant and narcissistic, but in fact, it’s the opposite.
Show your husband you love and care about yourself, and you’ll be giving him a road-map to loving you.
So, how can you learn to love yourself?
It’s definitely difficult, but what you need to keep in mind is that it’s all about what I like to call “radical self-acceptance”.
Radical self-acceptance means acknowledging that you are who you are and that that’s OK.
It’s not about accepting your flaws so much as it is about celebrating the whole of you, whatever and whoever you are.
No-one is flawless. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has regrets. But many of us spend much of our time trying to change.
We often think ‘if only I could lose weight, then I’d go out and socialize more’. Or ‘if only I was better at networking, then I’d go for a promotion’.
Radical self-acceptance means being able to love the whole of yourself, even the bits that you don’t like or would rather change.
When you can do that, you stop putting barriers in front of your own progression.
You stop worrying that you’re not good enough and you begin to pursue goals and dreams just because you want to.
It means saying ‘I am who I am, and I am going to live my life to its fullest now, rather than waiting for things to change’.
When a woman has the courage to love themselves, then a man can’t help but be attracted to such boldness.
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