I won’t beat around the bush here: my girlfriend is thirsting for another man and it’s been driving me insane.
I hate it with every fiber of my being and have reacted so badly to her flirting with him and showing an interest in him.
Recently I put together this list about what to do if you find yourself in this position as well.
14 unfortunate signs your girlfriend likes another guy (and what to do about it!)
Hack Spirit is all about providing relationship and self-development advice without the frills or the feel-good bs.
For that reason I’m going to be very direct with the following list.
This is how to tell if your girlfriend has the hots for someone else and what you can do about it.
1) She’d rather talk to him than you
We all have various people in our lives who are not romantic or sexual.
Friends, family and coworkers all come to mind.
If your girlfriend has some guys in her life who are friends or spend time with her on a daily basis you’re probably already aware of them.
If she’s been chatting online with strangers then you may have no idea.
Either way, one of the unfortunate signs your girlfriend likes another guy is that she withdraws her attention from you.
Suddenly she’s always laughing and chatting on her phone with a new person and is vague about who it is…
Suddenly she’s staying after classes at university to do “extra work” with her new friend Tyler who’s “like, super smart and cool, like, you’d love him, y’know?”
Well, it certainly seems like she loves him anyway!
2) She’s not turned on by you anymore
How’s your sex life? (Or should I say your lack of a sex life).
Among the unfortunate signs your girlfriend likes another guy is that she stops wanting to touch you or sleep with you.
If you do sleep in the same bed you may notice her creating more distance physically between the two of your or complaining of sudden “tiredness” whenever you start getting a bit handsy.
Here’s the deal:
There are plenty of reasons your girlfriend may be less into you physically including hormonal reasons or stuff she is going through.
But more often than not it means she’s filling her tank at another gas station.
If this doesn’t mean having sex it generally means fantasizing about another guy, getting off with him online or directing all her romantic attention to someone to the extent that sleeping with you feels like faking it.
3) She makes you doubt your own self-worth
The worst thing about your girlfriend getting into another guy is that it starts to make you doubt your own self-worth so bad.
That’s the dark place I’ve been in these past months and wondering what to do about it.
The solution I found wasn’t actually about me and my girlfriend, it was about me and fixing how I feel about myself.
I’d always had the impression that I had to gain the approval or affection of a partner to really be happy in life.
I was obsessed with my physical appearance and job and social status and how that would attract a “high quality” woman.
My girlfriend is definitely attractive and what most would consider “high quality,” but she’s also a bit of a ball-buster.
She expects me to be borderline perfect in almost all ways and it started to make me really confused and even doubt my own worth to the extent that I wondered what would even be left of me worth saving if she left me.
What a weak place to be in as a man
Instead of giving in to this downhill feeling, I began focusing on the roots of my self-image and how to improve my search for love and intimacy in a way that would actually be effective…
…Instead of having me run in circles like a headless chicken.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up leaving us completely disappointed and lost.
I don’t want to be stuck in that toxic trap anymore, so I watched this video attentively.
What I found out really opened my mind.
I felt like somebody finally offered an actual, practical solution for what to do when your partner’s interest in you is waning or she’s cheating (or wanting to cheat).
If you’re done feeling like your love life is a giant practical joke that’s not at all funny then you should check out what Rudá has to say.
4) She flirts and sexts with another guy
These days many of us practically live on our smartphones.
So, what’s going on over at your girlfriend’s “house”?
I don’t recommend snooping, installing spyware or any of that creepy shit that some possessive boyfriends do.
For one, it’s illegal.
Secondly, it just shows how insecure you are and will give her all sorts of ammo against you if and when you do break up.
Instead, take the high road and just be observant.
Are her cheeks flushed and her voice hoarse after sitting on the couch chatting to an unknown stranger for an hour.
Does she then go the bathroom and take a long hot shower which seems to also include some very…relaxed…sound effects?
She’s likely sexting someone, let’s be honest here.
Also, if you just so happen to get a peek of her phone while walking by and happen to see that Tyler’s latest project is showing her his c*ck from a unique angle that makes it look extra big…
You can be pretty sure she’s doing more than just trading ideas for their next essay.
Whether or not sexting is cheating is an ongoing debate.
I’ll stay out of it for now but I will say that it makes it crystal clear that your girlfriend is no longer into you, at least not sexually.
5) She takes advantage of your affection for her
Are you a loving boyfriend?
I know I am, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
I’m generous with money, time, sexually and in pretty much every other way.
I like to know my girlfriend is safe and happy in her life and knows that she can always turn to me to protect and provide for her.
Unfortunately, I have come to see that this instinct has been hijacked in me in order to turn me into an enabler for my girlfriend’s narcissistic and unfaithful lifestyle.
She wants to flirt and sleep with other guys, but she wants me to be her emotional anchor and always be there to provide for her.
It’s not going to fucking happen.
Much of my progress in learning to deal with my girlfriend’s wandering attention has been learning to set boundaries with her and with myself.
Yes, I love her.
But no, I will never accept being treated like a piece of disposable trash or a money vending machine.
That’s not who I am and it’s not who I’ll ever be.
As the Artistic Motivation YouTube channel explains here, caring is natural but when it goes too far it can sadly become a weakness that allows women to hurt and manipulate us as men.
6) She constantly has unexplained absences and things ‘come up’
Of all the unfortunate signs your girlfriend likes another guy, this ranks way up there.
It’s a bit of a stereotype for cheating husbands or boyfriends to constantly have things “come up” at work or other times in the week…
But I assure you that it applies equally to a girlfriend who’s smitten with another guy.
I honestly believe that my girlfriend’s flirtations with Tyler have not gone beyond sexting.
Yet I also know that her unexplained absences are all times when she could easily be cheating on me.
If I become demanding or overly paranoid it will only drive her further away.
If I give up and stop caring, I become exactly the kind of enabler who would be fine with his girlfriend using him as a piggy bank while she oinks for another guy.
I’m not interested in either option.
I want to trust my partner, I really do, but I also want her to respect and value me.
Her unexplained absences may eventually make you reach the point of openly calling her out. Sometimes this is absolutely necessary, unfortunately.
Just remember that she’d definitely be doing the same in your place.
7) She brings you to a place of despair and confusion
The saddest of the unfortunate signs your girlfriend likes another guy is that it can make you so confused and hopeless about your worth as a guy and your romantic future.
Like I said I even have had doubts of what my worth would be if my girlfriend splits up with me.
I’m ashamed to say that thinking of life on my own scares me and makes me doubt my own value.
In this article I get into a lot about the indicators that your girlfriend is losing her attraction to you or at least gaining a significant attraction for another man.
It’s a really hard subject to deal with without having deep doubts about your own value and the future of the relationship.
That’s why I sincerely recommend speaking to a relationship coach.
The accredited coaches at Relationship Hero are the best that I’ve found, personally, and they really helped me to get a realistic view of my girlfriend’s behavior and what it means.
My coach was an amazing listener and also provided really insightful advice that I’d never thought of about how to address this challenge.
I came away from our sessions feeling really revitalized and more sure of my own position.
Instead of feeling like I was thrashing around in the dark looking for any kind of answer, I felt empowered to begin taking concrete steps about what to do in my relationship.
My girlfriend’s behavior and declining interest no longer put me in the victim position.
After being lost in my thoughts for so long, the coaches at Relationship Hero showed me all the tools I had in my toolbox that I hadn’t even realized.
I highly recommend you to check them out and give them a try.
8) She talks about him all the time
More unfortunate signs your girlfriend likes another guy?
She talks about him all the time.
The name “Tyler,” can’t seem to leave my pretty girl’s lips. She says they’re just friends, but forgive me for thinking “just friends” probably don’t send each other dick pics.
Like I said, I’m trapped in the vice of being overly relaxed and becoming a cuck or getting paranoid and driving my girlfriend away regardless.
I’ve been using this insecure time to work on myself as well as my fear of being alone.
What am I so scared of in being by myself once again?
It would have many great aspects and freedom as well, so why do I crave the validation and company of a woman who’s treating me this way?
It’s something the coaches at Relationship Hero have been helping me understand and come up with solutions to.
It’s not easy hearing another guy’s name on your girlfriend’s lips all the time…
It’s also not easy thinking about where else her and his lips may have been.
9) Her interests start totally changing
Among the most unfortunate signs your girlfriend likes another guy is a sudden change in her interests and passions.
My girlfriend loves sports and working out. She also loves going out with her girlfriends to clubs and places like that.
I’m not into those things, unless you count ping pong. I wouldn’t go near a club with a ten foot pole (and mine isn’t even nearly that long).
Anyway, what I’m trying to say here is that I noticed a few months ago how my girlfriend began radically changing.
She started dressing nerdy and talking about some guy called “Marcuse.”
Then she got really into this super out-there version of how to structure society and started going on about another guy called Habermas.
Smart, European-sounding guys, sure I can dig it.
But I was a bit thrown when I saw her lose her interest in attending drop-in volleyball or going dancing with her friends.
She even said Rihanna is just a “reification” of capitalist oppression. Here I was thinking Rihanna just sucks, but who knows.
Imagine my surprise on scanning Tyler’s social networks to see a plethora of strange Antifa symbols and self-righteous screeds about “liberation.”
10) She expresses a sudden desire to take a different path than you
In addition, look out for the unfortunate signs your girlfriend likes another guy when she expresses suddenly wanting to take a different path than you.
I’ve long had a plan to get into the hospitality business and eventually open a hotel, and my girlfriend has been super into that for years.
She said she wanted to organized themed dance nights and all the rest…
Awesome: let her handle the club side of things and I’ll figure out our business model and mortgage.
Yet now she’s dropped off, even hitting me with sarcastic comments about how she’s so enthusiastic to “exploit” the land and join me on my quest of “neocolonialism.”
I’m not a colonialist of any stripe that I’m aware, but apparently I’m a devil of some type.
Whatever I am, she doesn’t want to sleep with me anymore and I feel awkward and like shit around her, so hearing that she also no longer is into our hotel idea hasn’t exactly come as a surprise.
But I won’t lie and say it doesn’t disappoint me.
11) She starts hinting constantly at breaking up
Next up in unfortunate signs your girlfriend likes another guy is that she drops hints about breaking up all the time.
My girlfriend does it multiple times a week in so many ways that it makes me sick to think about.
Jokes and memes she sends me on Instagram…
Comments she makes about the need for independence and people to discover their own “journey.”
And so much more…
Yes, I get it. But if she really wants to break up I seriously wish she’d just come out and say it instead of dropping hints all over.
I get it that she wants me to be worried about her leaving or is trying to push me to become more alternative or something.
But what exactly is the purpose?
Is she leaving or not?
Because knowing she’s so into Tyler and on the fence about me hasn’t exactly left me with a great taste in my mouth.
12) She criticizes your appearance and personality
Another of the unfortunate signs your girlfriend likes another guy is that she becomes quite critical about you physically and in terms of your personality.
I’m apparently too “conformist” and I am also too fat.
This is related to the fact that I eat meat, which my girlfriend objects to on the basis that she has become Buddhist.
Yes, I forgot to mention earlier that she’s also become Buddhist (minus the not taking drugs part…)
According to her, eating meat fills us with the suffering of living creatures and ties us more closely to cycles of suffering and desire. That’s good to know, because her harping at me about this stuff directly increases my suffering and desire to run off a cliff.
If your girlfriend is browbeating you like his then you can be sure that she’s not only not afraid to lose you but probably trying to actively push you into being the one who ends things.
13) She withdraws her attention and affection from you
My girlfriend seems like a different person from the girl I started dating four years ago and fell in love with.
She has changed her interests, her focus, even her way of talking.
I still believe our relationship has some juice in it, but I’m not very happy about having to do all the heavy lifting here.
I also have my reservations about this thing going on between her and Tyler.
It seems he’s gotten ahold of her mind and I think there’s a good chance he’s gotten ahold of her heart, too.
14) She openly tells you she’s into another guy
This step has not yet happened in my relationship, but I’ve certainly steeled myself for it and know it’s likely to happen at any time.
If your girlfriend straight up tells you she likes another guy then you’re best off taking it seriously. Sad as it is, we all have to make our own choices.
If her choice is to leave you then there’s not always anything you can do to change that.
Break up or rebuild?
If you’re like me then you’ve reached a crossroads and the choice before you is disturbing but clear:
Break up or rebuild.
I’m continuing to make progress talking to the coaches at Relationship Hero and deciding exactly what to do.
My girlfriend’s mixed signals and ongoing relationship with Tyler have left me torn.
I know he’s not the guy for her, and I know he’s just messing with her.
At the same time, I can’t control what’s in her heart or what she feels.
To be frank my decision at this time is to break up unless I see a direct and real improvement in our relationship in the next month.
As I see it the ball is now in my girlfriend’s court.
It’s Tyler or me.
And it’s on her to decide.