It’s only natural, we all want to feel desired by our partner.
If your girlfriend is giving you the cold shoulder, you might be left wondering if she’s still attracted to you.
In this article we’ll cover the most significant signs to look out for, and what to do about it.
I feel like my girlfriend isn’t attracted to me
Sparks fade and relationships change. It’s a fact of life.
When you’re in the early stages of a budding romance things can feel very hot and heavy. You might struggle to keep your hands off each other.
When you meet, you can feel a palpable electricity in the air between you.
But even if it starts out that way, sadly, sexual chemistry isn’t a guaranteed constant within a relationship.
Once the honeymoon phase fades it’s perfectly normal for your relationship to enter a different stage.
You might find that sex becomes less frequent, or your girlfriend doesn’t seem as interested in you anymore. This may leave you thinking “maybe my girlfriend isn’t sexually attracted to me”.
How do you know if your girlfriend is not sexually attracted to you? 15 unfortunate signs she’s not
1) She wants to get sex “over with”
Do you get the feeling that your girlfriend no longer enjoys having sex with you?
Perhaps it’s nothing in particular that she says or does, you just get a sense that she is going through the motions rather than having a good time.
Maybe she no longer orgasms, and even if she says she doesn’t mind, you get the impression she just wants to get it all over with.
2) She always has an excuse
Has her headache lasted for around 9 months straight?
Or maybe he has an early start tomorrow, she’s too full because she ate too much, she’s tired after a long day, she’s just “not in the mood”.
Sure, all of these points may be perfectly valid but if they have become a permanent fixture in your relationship then it could be she’s just avoiding getting intimate with you.
3) She criticizes the way you look
When you first got together she would tell you how handsome you are, how good you smell, and how cute that hoodie is on you.
But these days she’s more inclined to make little digs.
“What is up with your hair today?” or “Is that what you’re wearing to the party?”
If she’s stopped complimenting your appearance and started criticizing it, it can be a sign of fading attraction.
4) She rejects all your advances
Rejection is tough and it is difficult to keep trying with someone when all you feel like you’re getting is knockbacks.
When you go to kiss her, does she turn her head? If you try to get closer, does she push you away? If you make the move to get sexual, does she flat-out turn you down?
Suddenly starting to reject every single one of your advances is a sign your partner isn’t feeling attracted to you right now.
5) You feel something is “off” with her
When we spend a lot of time with someone, we usually notice pretty quickly when something isn’t right.
It’s hard to hide how we really feel from the people closest to us. Even if she says everything is fine, sometimes you will have an intuitive read that it’s not.
She’s not behaving like her usual self around you, her habits have changed in the relationship, something just gives and you sense it.
6) Her body language is closed
Body language tells us a lot about how someone is feeling towards us and we use it as a signal.
It’s estimated that anywhere between 70% to 93% of all communication between us is non-verbal.
That means even when we say one thing with our words, our bodies may be telling a different story. It may not even be conscious.
If we fold our arms when we are around someone, we may be trying to subconsciously guard ourselves against them.
If you lean towards her and she leans away, she is non verbally telling you to back off.
7) She makes zero effort in the bedroom
When (or if) things turn intimate, does she leave all the effort up to you whilst she just lies there?
Of course, nobody is under any pressure to “perform” in the bedroom. We’re human beings not trained monkeys after all. Sex isn’t everything in a relationship.
But her lack of enthusiasm, especially if it’s a notable change from how things used to be, might be signal she’s feeling bored when it comes to sex or the relationship.
8) Her eyes tell a story
Forget puppy dog eyes or gushing gazes, these days it’s more like she looks right through you.
You know what they say, the eyes are the window to the soul.
If longing looks have been exchanged for sideways glances, rolling eyes, or scornful stares then you’re getting a glimpse into how she really feels about you right now.
9) She talks about other guys
I don’t mean just casually mentioning Pete in the accounting department at work.
There are bound to be other men in your girlfriend’s life and it’s natural for them to come up in conversation.
But if she has started to talk about one guy in particular, like ALL.THE.TIME it could be a relationship red flag.
Similarly, if she’s started mentioning when she thinks a guy is hot, it’s clear her attention isn’t where it should be — on you.
10) You always initiate sex
Every couple is different, but men generally speaking do initiate sex more often than women within a relationship.
Research has found that in more than 60% of couples, men initiate more often than women; in 30% of couples, initiation is equal, and in the remaining 10%, women initiate more frequently.
If you feel like your girlfriend used to initiate sex but never does anymore, this shift in behavior could signal somethings up.
11) She’d rather satisfy herself
Masturbation is perfectly normal. Even when you are in a relationship, it’s still normal.
But if she no longer wants to get intimate with you, but you know for a fact she is pleasuring herself, that’s slightly different.
It suggests that her sex drive is still active, but she doesn’t want to get jiggy with you and would rather satisfy herself.
12) She always goes to bed before you
We typically have less time during the day. We’re working, studying, or busy with other things.
That’s why most sex and intimacy tend to happen at nighttime.
It’s the prime time for things to turn amorous when we have fewer demands and distractions on our time.
If your girlfriend always wants an early night or dashes off to bed before you — it may start to feel like she is avoiding you.
13) She changes the subject
Whenever you try to act flirty or have sexy chats with her, does she quickly put a stop to it?
Maybe you have already tried to bring the subject up over whether she’s still attracted to you, but she seems evasive about the whole thing.
When you try to talk about it, rather than offer reassurance, she changes the subject pronto.
14) She eyes up other men in front of you
When we’re no longer happy at home, that can be when we start eyeing up other people.
Does she check out other men when you’re out and about together? Or worse still, openly flirt with other men.
This disrespectful behavior is a sure-fire sign of bigger problems.
15) She avoids any physical intimacy
Physical intimacy in a relationship is about way more than sexual acts, and it’s just as important (if not more so) for building a strong bond.
Physical intimacy is the cuddles, hugs, kisses, and gentle affectionate touches.
Plenty of couples may not have sex very often (or at all) but still, have a strong relationship because they are able to maintain this physical intimacy through other ways than sex.
If your girlfriend is avoiding all physical contact, not just sexual, it’s a sign of distant behavior.
What do you do when your partner is not sexually attracted to you? 6 steps to take
Although they can signal waning attraction in a relationship, all of the signs above could also be the symptom of different issues too.
It’s important to get to the bottom of what is really going on.
Even if your girlfriend is giving off some signs that she is no longer attracted to you, that doesn’t mean things can’t or won’t change, or that the relationship is doomed.
If you are worried about signs your partner isn’t attracted to you. Here’s what you can do…
1) Check you’re not overreacting
The world of love and romance is such a vulnerable one that it can cause us to act a little (or a lot) paranoid.
Our self-defense mechanisms kick in prematurely and we start jumping to conclusions.
So first things first, it’s important to check-in and ask yourself: could I be overeating?
Going through a bit of a sexual dry spell in your relationship doesn’t automatically mean your girlfriend is no longer attracted to you.
Maybe the problem isn’t with you at all. Perhaps your girlfriend is stressed out, exhausted, fed up with work, or has other things on her mind.
She may not even realize that she’s been acting a bit “off” lately.
Differences in sex drives are totally normal within a relationship.
Typically speaking (although not always, men tend to have higher sex drives than women because of increased testosterone.
Very few couples find their desire towards each other and sex effortlessly matches up, and it usually requires some compromise.
2) Try talking to her
It’s not always easy to talk openly and honestly about subjects that can feel sensitive, but communication really is key.
If you feel like something is wrong, then you need to talk to your girlfriend about it.
You have to get to the bottom of whether there is a problem, and if it involves you.
It’s important to start this conversation when you are feeling calm and composed, rather than in the heat of an argument.
If you want answers and a resolution, it won’t do you any favors to make a snide or cutting comment.
Admittedly if you’re feeling rejected by your girlfriend, then keeping a cool head can be more challenging.
Try approaching the situation from an understanding place. It’s always a good idea to be supportive rather than accusatory.
- I’m sensing some distance between us lately and was wondering if everything is ok?
If you are genuinely concerned that the real problem in your relationship is that your girlfriend is no longer attracted to you, then don’t be afraid to ask straight out.
- Do you still find me attractive?
3) Look at your relationship as a whole
Most of us are not capable of compartmentalizing our lives. That means if you have a super frustrating day at work, you are likely to carry that bad mood home with you.
Relationships work in the same way. Each separate aspect of a relationship isn’t really so separate at all.
The quality of your sex life and the physical intimacy between a couple is heavily impacted by how well you are connecting in other ways.
If you are having a lot of arguments, if you barely talk anymore, if you don’t feel respected, valued, or loved — this is all going to be reflected in the bedroom.
Emotional intimacy is just as important to a relationship as physical intimacy.
In fact, research has found that more people (and particularly women) are inclined to end a relationship from a lack of emotional connection, than a lack of a sexual connection.
Attraction is much deeper than surface aesthetics. If you have other relationship issues, it’s unsurprising if your girlfriend isn’t ripping your clothes off each time you walk through the door.
4) Consider your role
I’m not pointing any fingers here, as you may well be the model boyfriend. Neither am I suggesting you are to blame if it feels like your girlfriend has gone cold.
But a little self-evaluation goes a long way in keeping a relationship healthy. After all, none of us are perfect.
If we want to improve something in our relationship, the best place to start is usually with ourselves.
That means questioning your potential role in the situation. You might want to ask:
- Do you show physical affection? (hugs, cuddles, kisses, and nonsexual touching)
- Are you emotionally supportive of your girlfriend? (do you listen to her, ask her how her day was, and let her know she can rely on you)
- Do you still make an effort with your appearance?
- Do you show any romantic gestures? (without wanting anything in return)
5) Make an effort
It’s just one of those facts of life that when we become comfortable in a relationship, many of the things that created a spark in the first place can start to slip.
Maybe she used to wear sexy lingerie to bed but now wears baggy t-shirts. Maybe you used to text her every morning telling her to have a great day, but now you go the whole day without any contact.
At the beginning of a romance, making an effort comes naturally. We’re excited by this new person and that puts us on our best behavior. We want to impress them, and we pull out all the stops.
It’s just human nature that once we’ve won someone over, real-life sets in and the excitement fades.
But that doesn’t mean your relationship is destined to become boring and unattractive.
You can inject some romance back into it. It just takes making a bit more effort:
- Make time for one another
- Suggest “date nights” where you do something fun together
- Do something thoughtful for your partner (cook dinner, pick them up their favorite candy, suggest watching their favorite movie)
- Spice things up in the bedroom.
6) If your needs really aren’t being met, be prepared to walk away
If she is cold, unloving, disrespectful, or even cruel, know that you don’t have to tolerate unacceptable behavior.
That doesn’t mean you should throw in the towel at the first sign of difficulties. All relationships, no matter how strong, face challenges.
If we gave up easily every time we would all be forever single.
But at the same time, relationships should ultimately strengthen us, and make our lives more positive.
We each have needs and wants that will differ from person to person.
If you have been feeling this way for a long time now, you have made a genuine effort to improve things, and you don’t feel like she has — you might want to consider if the relationship is worth fighting for.
It’s important to openly communicate exactly how you are feeling way before you get to this stage. There are two people within a relationship, and so only you and your girlfriend together can fix it.
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