Kiran Athar
In this post, I’m going to show EXACTLY how to identify the signs your friend doesn’t respect you.
In fact, this list is the exact process I used to filter out the people in my life who didn’t respect me.
So if you want to figure out if your friend doesn’t respect you, and also learn what you can do about it, you’ll find exactly what you need in this post.
Let’s dive right in.
25 signs your friend doesn’t respect you
1) They’re jealous of you and your successes
When something good happens to us, the first thing we tend to do is call up our friends and loved ones to share the happy news.
But if your friend isn’t genuinely glad to hear about your achievements, regardless of how small or big they are, it’s a sign that they don’t have your best interests at heart.
Instead of celebrating with you, you’ll feel them acting withdrawn or even commenting negatively on your good news – two very obvious signs they don’t respect you.
2) The friendship is very one-sided
Do you ever feel like you do everything to keep the friendship going?
Perhaps you go out of your way all the time for your friend but they never do the same in return?
I used to give my (ex) friend a lift home all the time, agreed to meet wherever he wanted, and would always help him out if he had a problem.
But I remember numerous times asking for a favor in return, or a lift when my car broke down, and he was never free to give me a hand.
It was the ultimate sign of disrespect, not to mention selfishness. I only wish I had recognized these signs sooner, but it’s never too late to learn who your true friends are.
3) They don’t have your back
A real friend will defend you even when you aren’t around.
But a friend who doesn’t have any respect for you won’t care enough to stick up for you – they might even join in on all the gossiping and backbiting.
A sign that this is your friend is if they’re always creating drama and telling you what others say about you behind your back.
Why?
Because if they did have your back – other people wouldn’t gossip to them about you.
It’s only because they encourage or take part in it that they seem to know all the crap people say about you.
4) They never apologize or acknowledge their behavior
The fact that you’re reading this article indicates that something is up with your friendship – maybe your friend has hurt you a few times now and you’re wondering if it’s normal?
Well, the good news is that there will be challenging or hurtful times even in the best of friendships…
But most people apologize for their mistakes and work hard to rebuild trust again.
The bad news is that if your friend has never apologized for the way they treat you or hurt you – whether intentional or not – they certainly don’t have any respect for you or your feelings.
5) They don’t respect your boundaries
Boundaries are essential in every relationship – with family, friends, and partners.
Your boundaries are your values, they tell people around you what you care about, what you’re willing to put up with, and what isn’t okay for you.
Without them, people would walk all over you and take advantage of your time and energy.
For example, you make it clear that punctuality is important to you.
Yet every time you meet, they’re ridiculously late and never care to apologize or change this habit to respect you.
You’ll know your friend has very little respect for you if they constantly cross those boundaries and refuse to acknowledge your feelings.
And, they might even go as far as blaming you by saying you’re acting “difficult” just because you’re trying to stick to what feels best for you.
6) They’re dishonest
What is the most important part of any relationship?
Trust.
Without it, how can you rely on your friend, trust them with your business, and know that they’ll never try to deceive you?
Even though trust isn’t black and white and there may be times where good friends make mistakes – a friend who is always dishonest with you isn’t a true friend.
By repeatedly abusing your trust in them by lying to you, it shows that they don’t feel any remorse for their dishonesty and they don’t respect your right to know the truth.
7) They can’t stick to their promises
And another aspect of not being trustworthy is if your friend can’t stick to their word.
Whenever you decide to meet up, they’re never on time.
When you make plans, they’ll bail at the last minute or even worse – leave you waiting without getting in touch with you.
Whatever the situation is, a friend who can’t keep to their promises is a major sign that they don’t have any respect for you (or for your time).
8) They put you down in front of others
Does your friend embarrass you in front of other people?
Do they make fun of you just to get the attention of others?
If so, your friend is simply using you to make themselves look good (although they probably achieve the opposite by being mean in public).
It’s their way of masking their insecurities.
And it’s downright cruel.
Any friend who does this doesn’t deserve your friendship – they’re using you with very little thought given to how you feel when they belittle or embarrass you.
9) They push you to make bad choices
Okay, we’ve all got that one friend who always ends up getting us into trouble.
For better or worse, we end up having a crazy time with them but we know they’re a good friend because they still keep your best interests at heart and it’s harmless fun.
But what happens when your friend pushes you to make bad choices intentionally that could have serious consequences for your life?
They know they’re setting you up for disaster, yet they seem to get a kick out of it.
They’ll talk you into making bad decisions, encourage you to engage in destructive habits, and then conveniently disappear when you need their help.
This type of friend is most certainly disrespecting you, even if it’s under the pretense of “just having fun”.
10) They never prioritize you in their life
And the fact that they don’t care about your wellbeing will be obvious because you’ll be at the bottom of their priority list.
Even though they expect you to drop everything for them, when you want to meet up or you need a favor, they’ve got better things to do.
By not putting you first, they’re giving you a clear sign that they don’t respect you, and they’re not even trying to disguise their lack of care for you.
11) They’re always trying to control you
A controlling friend is not a true friend.
Even worse:
Using control over someone is a form of manipulation, and it’s disrespectful to you because they essentially want to take over your freedom of choice, your opinions, and your desires.
Control comes from having low self-esteem, and by always calling the shots, it’s your friend’s way of feeling a sense of superiority over you.
Forget about fairness or taking into account your wishes, they’ll always find a way to take charge and decide what you guys do when you meet up.
Breaking out of a manipulative, controlling friendship can be tough, but it’s much worse to stay in it because over time, your own self-esteem and confidence will take a hit.
12) They don’t pay attention when you’ve got a problem
Do you ever get the feeling that your friend zones out when you talk to them?
Or, they interrupt you and start telling you their latest life updates?
It’s possibly one of the most annoying things someone can do when you’re reaching out to them for help or advice, and all they can do is talk about themselves.
After a while, you end up sitting there wondering why you bothered trying in the first place. Clearly, whatever they have to say is more important.
If this is the case with your friend, then there’s no mistaking that they lack respect for you – they’re simply using you to unload and whine about their issues.
13) They see you as competition
Friends are supposed to cheer each other on and support each other’s dreams.
When one friend succeeds, the other should feel happy for them and celebrate their hard work.
But if your friend sees you as competition, they’ll probably discourage you from aiming high in life.
The sad truth is:
They’ll want to see you fail.
Anytime you succeed, whether it’s in your love life or at work, they’ll see it as a personal blow to them and they’ll outpour a ton of negativity onto your happiness.
So whether you finally went on that first date, or you got a promotion at work, they’ll always find a way to top it somehow and try to overshadow your successes.
14) They are deliberately insensitive towards you
If your friend is outright mean to you and feels no remorse about it – it’s time to seriously reevaluate your friendship.
Not only is it disrespectful to your emotions, but it shows a complete and utter lack of kindness or caring on their part.
And the worst thing is:
Even if they act like they didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, they can only really get away with it once.
After that, it’s a deliberate act and it’s clear that they don’t intend to change their ways.
15) You feel mentally drained by their negativity
This final sign is one of the most brutal of all.
The effect a disrespectful friend can have on your mental wellbeing.
Let’s be honest, there’s nothing worse than trying to make a friendship work with someone who doesn’t give us anything in return – it’s soul-destroying and painful.
On one hand, you care about them, but on the other hand, you feel used and taken advantage of, and deep down you know it isn’t a good friendship.
And whilst you’ve got this internal battle going on, your disrespectful friend is still piling their crap on to you too, using you as their emotional punch bag and never offering any support in return.
The truth is, it’s chaos for your mind and your emotions.
They’re an emotional vampire and you’re their favorite victim.
So if you feel tired or irritated after you see a friend like this, it might be time to recognize that they are disrespecting you in many ways.
And, it’s abundantly clear they don’t care about your mental health or overall wellbeing.
16) You always do what they want to do
It’s not always bad to have someone else calling the shots. Some of us can’t be bothered deciding what cafe where we’re going to meet at to have a coffee.
But it’s a sign of disrespect if your friend is making decisions all the time and won’t listen to any input from you.
Friendships are a two-way street.
If your friend won’t listen to your requests and you’re forced to always go along with whatever they want to do, then it’s a one-sided friendship.
Look, it’s fine to go along with the flow and do things they want to do, but refusing to listen to you when you want to express yourself is a clear sign of disrespect.
17) They don’t care about your feelings
You might tell them that you’re sad, or angry, and while your friend might ask you why, they don’t really listen to your response.
Why?
Because they don’t really care.
They think your feelings don’t have merit. Either you’re too dramatic and or the issues in your life are small compared to theirs.
Friends are meant to be there for each other. They’d care about your feelings if they really cared about you.
It’s possible they think they are your superior if they dismiss your feelings, rather than your equal.
18) They try to put you down
Narcissist alert!
If your friend goes out of the way to hurt you or make you feel bad, then that’s a friend you don’t want in your life.
It’s also possible your friend is a narcissist as well. Narcissistic people are selfish and only out for personal gain. They put you down to lift themselves up.
Not only does your friend disregard your feelings if they knowingly put you down, but they’re also using you as a tool to feel better about themselves.
True friendship is about caring for each other and supporting one another.
Clearly your friend disrespects you if they put you down.
19) They put you down in public
This is even worse than putting you down when it’s you and them.
But if they make you feel inferior in front of others, then they’re clearly doing it to make themselves look better.
This could be dismissing your opinions, rolling their eyes when you say something, or making fun of you to get a laugh from others.
They might even apologize to you after when you’re alone together (as if that makes it okay!).
This is a clear sign of manipulation to get themselves to look better in front of others.
If your friend makes you feel little in front of others, then it’s clear they don’t respect you.
After all, friends should talk each other up in front of others!
20) They never follow up on their word
“Yep, I’ll be there!”
“Let’s meet on Sunday at 12 PM!”
And then they never show up…
We’ve all done something like this before, but only a very-rare occasion.
But if your friend constantly stands you up or cancels last minute, then they’re not a very good friend.
They don’t respect you enough to back up their words with their actions.
They don’t respect your time.
And they probably don’t care about losing you as a friend, either.
21) They’re critical of your life choices
Whether it’s your job, your partner or your hobby, a disrespectful friend is one who is always negative about anything you do.
If you’re training for a marathon, they’ll comment how too much running makes you look weak and skinny.
If you’ve recently got a new job, they’ll disregard it because it’s not as high a level as theirs.
Or if you’ve received a promotion at work, they’ll laugh at you because you’re going to be more stressed and have less time to hang out.
Sure, it’s important to offer advice when they think you’re doing something wrong, but if they don’t even try to be constructive to help you out, then they’re not a supportive friend.
Friends are meant to support each other through life’s ups and downs.
Friends want the best for each other.
Friends don’t put each other’s life choices down because it makes them feel good.
That’s toxic behavior 101.
A friendship is meant to enhance your life, not make it worse.
22) They talk about you behind your back
If you’re part of a friendship group, perhaps you’ve noticed recently that your friend has talked negatively about you behind your back.
You’ve told them something in confidence, then all of a sudden everyone knows about it.
And what’s more, they’ve painted the picture of what you’ve told them in a much more negative light.
Not only is your friend toxic if they gossip about you behind your back, but they don’t respect you, either.
This is especially the case if you find out that they are being mean about you behind your back.
If they’re doing that then they clearly reveal their true colors…
23) They don’t support you
Lack of support comes in many forms but it all boils down to a lack of respect.
When your friend doesn’t offer you support and they are never there when you need them, then is this person really a friend to you?
Here are some ways a disrespectful friend with treat:
Your job is a little weird or maybe your dreams are a tad absurd. Does your friend make fun of you?
If so, they are being disrespectful. Your friend should support your pursuits, especially if your career is something you’re passionate about.
Sometimes, you get into arguments with other people.
Does your friend take your side? It’s okay if sometimes they don’t because they also think you’re in the wrong.
But if they say they don’t want to get involved or pick sides, then it’s a red flag.
If they never, ever take your side, then they don’t respect you.
You accomplished something and feel proud. Does your friend acknowledge your accomplishments?
If they make you doubt your potential instead, it’s time to rethink the friendship.
You’re having a tough time struggling with something.
Does your friend stick around for you?
It’s a bad sign if you reached out to your friend and they don’t offer the support you need.
24) Lies or gaslighting
Dishonesty is a disrespectful and destructive behavior that has no place in any friendship.
Someone who constantly lies to their friend doesn’t care about the impact of their actions on the other person’s life. They are only thinking about how it affects them.
Sure, sometimes you might consider that their lies are “small” so does it really matter?
But in reality, it’s the smaller, seemingly insignificant lies that chip away at trust.
If your friend can’t be honest with you over minor things, why should you trust them with more important concerns? Who knows what they are capable of hiding from you?
The problem is that most people tend to sweep dishonesty under the rug, indefensible as it is. They rationalize errors of omission and even overt lying.
In worse cases, these people may also be victims of gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone purposely sows seeds of doubt in the other, in order to make them question their perception, memories, or judgment.
Victims of gaslighting end up anxious, confused, and unable to trust themselves.
In a truly healthy and respectful friendship, both parties must remain completely honest with one another.
25) The need to be right all the time
A friend who cannot apologize and admit they were wrong are difficult to deal with.
You will never be allowed to win an argument, nor would they ever accept constructive criticism from you.
And don’t expect them to say sorry for their mistakes either; they would end up making some excuse about how it’s your fault, actually.
They know they’re in the wrong. Their ego, pride, and self-esteems simply won’t let them bend.
How can you deal with a disrespectful friend?
So, before you rush off to block them, delete their number and forget their existence, there are a few steps to take before cutting a disrespectful friend out of your life.
Firstly, make sure that your friend isn’t just going through a tough time. Look out for signs such as:
- They’ve recently experienced grief or the loss of a loved one
- They’re going through relationship issues like a divorce or break up
- They’re stressed with work or their home situation
- They’re dealing with an illness that could cause them to be irritable
In some cases, if your friend is dealing with a situation mentioned above, their behavior towards you could be a result of it.
The easiest way to know this is by reflecting on the friendship – have they always been disrespectful or is it a new thing (possibly brought on by something else)?
In this situation, it’s best to communicate your feelings with your friend, try to understand where they’re coming from, and be there for them as much as you can.
But ultimately, even if they are going through a tough time, you’re still not there to be used as a release for their frustration, so some form of compromise or change still needs to happen.
What if you’ve realized that your friend has always been disrespectful from the start?
Well, here are a few steps you can take to first, give them one more chance, and then secondly remove them from your life if they aren’t willing to treat you respectfully:
Confront them
And by confronting them, I mean letting it all out (as calmly as you can though, take some deep breaths beforehand).
This is your chance to help them see how they make you feel and how their behavior affects you, so no sugar coating or downplaying your feelings.
Be as honest as you can, and calmly explain (even use examples if you can) why you feel disrespected, and what don’t let their excuses quieten you down.
Layout your boundaries
As much as it’s your friend’s fault and choosing to be disrespectful, it’s also your responsibility to make sure they don’t do it anymore.
That’s why after explaining how you feel to your friend, it’s a good idea to let them know the types of boundaries you want in place if your friendship is to continue.
This could be anything from having more of a say on where you guys go out together to them not being so negative and critical about your life anymore.
This is you taking back control over your life and standing up for your right to be in a respectful, loving friendship.
Give them time
After you’ve laid out your boundaries, give your friend time to think things over.
A good friend will acknowledge their mistakes and do their best to correct them. They’ll apologize and you’ll be able to feel genuine remorse for their actions.
But if they try to avoid the issue, never bring it up again, and refuse to apologize, it’s time to move on from this friendship.
There’s nothing more you can do, you’ve given them a chance and they haven’t acted upon it.
Ultimately, here’s where you need to take responsibility for your life and friendships and stand firm in what you expect from your friendships…
So going back to my original question, what does friendship mean to you?
Because I’m betting it doesn’t involve any of the signs we’ve mentioned in this article, so don’t settle for less when it comes to the friends you choose – be firm on your values.
Once you’ve got a clear idea in your mind about what you’re willing to tolerate and not, you’ll be able to cultivate much healthier, happier friendships where respect is a priority.
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