You’ve been friends since forever so you can definitely feel when something’s off with your friendship.
Despite this, you want to give them the benefit of the doubt. After all, what if they’re just going through something? You’re mature enough to know that friendships change with time.
However, you can’t shake off your suspicion that there’s more to it than that, and that maybe he or she actually hates you!
To know for sure, pay attention if your friend does a lot of the things listed below.
37 signs your friend actually hates you
1) You’re the one reaching out all the damn time
You used to talk nonstop in person, through phone calls, through chats. Chatarama all day, every day! You shared even the simplest things such as your boring lunch and your daily horoscopes.
If there’s a ding on your phone, you kinda know it’s them.
These days, however, they’re talking less and less. The change was, of course, gradual. From daily to every other day, to weekly, to twice a month. And guess who’s initiating those twice a month catch ups? You, and only you.
2) They’re not really excited to see you
You don’t talk a lot online anymore so you invite them for a quick catch up, expecting that they’d be the same person you used to know when you finally meet again.
Of course, that doesn’t happen.
For the past few dates that you initiated, they’re late and they’re in a rush to leave. They don’t even have any excuses handy anymore.
They decline when you ask if they want to have one more beer or one more coffee. In fact, they keep checking their watch, more excited to leave than to meet you.
They could be very busy and stressed, and have important things to mind, or maybe they just find it pointless to meet you if deep inside they hate you.
3) They don’t like to open up anymore
It has been ages since both of you opened up to one another and shared your burdens. Now when you ask them how well they’re doing, they simply shrug and say “same old, same old.”
But you don’t know how they’re doing lately, so you don’t even know what they mean with “same old,” so you press a bit more. And then they get angry or push you away, telling you to not be so nosey.
It’s like they have built a wall around themselves. Maybe they no longer trust you, or maybe they’re trying to push you out so that they won’t end up hating you more.
4) They can’t take a joke anymore
You used to say stupid things and just laugh about it. But now, even if you just joke about something so trivial like their choice of drink or the color of their shirt, they react as if you’ve committed an offense.
It’s sad when you can’t joke around each other anymore because being able to “insult” each other is an indication of closeness.
What have you done to deserve this? Everything used to be fine, but now it’s like they think you’re a heartless stranger whose goal is to make them feel bad.
5) Your questions suddenly become offensive for them
When you ask “How’s your relationship?”, to them it sounds like you’re asking “Why are you still together?”
When you ask “How’s work?” to them it sounds like you’re asking “Are you still stuck in the same boring job that pays so little?”
They don’t make it obvious that they’re offended though. They don’t want to show their weakness. Instead, you will notice that their mood changes.
6) They make you feel like you’re clingy and demanding
You want to maintain your friendship because it’s so precious to you. Naturally, you want to do things together.
They’re not enthusiastic but you try to reach out anyways. Ask them what’s up and ask if you could join them, only for them to snap at you and tell you that you’re too demanding.
This might have merit if you’ve been trying to be with them every single day, and if you try to make sure they’re never doing anything without you.
But if it’s been a while since you last reached out, that’s no good. That just means that your friend resents you on some level.
7) They enjoy bullying you
They can’t take a joke but they truly enjoy bullying you in front of everyone.
They’ll laugh so hard when you’re struggling and sometimes you wonder why they do it now when they used to bully everyone else except you.
Well then, you’re not the exception anymore because your friend probably hates you now. In fact, you might even be their favorite person to bully now if they truly hate you.
8) They become condescending
They want to belittle you every chance they get but they do it in a funny-sarcastic tone so you have no right to be offended.
They will give you a lecture on how you should handle your finances, and how you should break your bad habits.
They will roll their eyes when you ask them about something you know nothing about, to remind you that you’re kinda stupid.
9) They’d demand you to return the things you borrowed
You’ve always been generous to each other. You borrow each other’s things, you borrow money from each other…you’re like family!
But now, they’re asking those things back ASAP as if you’re a bad friend for keeping their things. Your friend probably resents you and she shows her anger in these little ways.
10) They flirt with your crush
When your friendship was still great, there’s no way that they’d go near your crush. If they’d make advances, you know your friend would run. You’re BFFs!
But now, although your friend doesn’t actively pursue your crush, he or she doesn’t shoo your crush away either. It’s as if your friend enjoys torturing you.
11) They’re obviously pretending to like you
The way they smile is different, the way they gush and congratulate you about your new job is different too. They feel…fake!
It’s as if they’re not really who they are. They can’t fool you because you’ve known each other since forever and that means you also know when they’re being fake.
It can make you feel like there’s something wrong with you but most of the time, the person who’s being a fake is the one with problems.
12) They enjoy reminding you about your flaws
You’re clumsy and you’re working on getting better. But instead of reassuring you, your friend always finds ways to remind you of your clumsiness, whether it’s by joking about it, grumbling about it, or even just pointing it out when you’re talking to them.
They do it even when you’re with other people, too. It’s as if they do it for their own pleasure.
It gets worse if it’s something more serious like if you have a drinking problem or the fact that you are always getting in bad relationships or your ugly nose that you’ve always been insecure about.
A good friend knows you and therefore knows how to hurt you and that’s exactly what your “friend” is trying to do to you now.
13) They’re not happy when you share good news
While a friend in need is a friend indeed, the true test of friendship is when you share good news.
Real friends are truly happy for us when we get what we want—a great relationship, a job offer, an award of some sort. Those who harbor negative feelings towards us can’t be happy when we share good news.
They’d think “But they don’t deserve it.” or “what about me?!”
Some are cool with your success as long as you don’t get more successful than them. The moment it’s obvious that you’re doing much better, they start to hate you. Your friend is possibly one of those people.
14) They give backhanded compliments
“Wow! I didn’t expect you to win first prize. Good for you!”
Or “You look good in your shirt. You should wear it often!”
Backhanded compliments are “compliments” that are actually attacks and only someone who hates you would say those things.
Maybe they resent you for winning a prize or they want to make you feel insecure with how you look because everyone else praises you. It’s not easy to do, but try not to take their insults seriously.
They hate you so all they want to do is hurt you.
15) They see you as a competition
This is probably the reason they hate you, tbh.
Unless you did something absolutely awful in your friendship that caused them to hate you, the most likely reason is jealousy.
When we’re still in our twenties, we’re trying to find our identity and succeed in life. Of course, you can’t help but compare each other’s lives. We all do it.
The problem is that they’ve taken it a bit too far. You’ve become the villain in their story, and that usually gets stronger the more failures they encounter along their own path.
16) They’re irritable AF
It’s as if everything you do bothers your friend—you walk too slow or too fast, or you chew your food the wrong way. The smallest things annoy them!
They’re always in a bad mood, and you thought that maybe they’re just grumpy.
But it turns out it only happens when you’re around. When they’re with other people, they seem happy and bouncy. It’s almost as if being with you summons dark clouds above their heads.
This means that they have problems with you, even if they aren’t aware of it. Maybe you remind them of something they hate, or maybe your friend is jealous of you. Whatever the case, they simply don’t feel too good when you’re around.
17) They stopped greeting you on special occasions
It’s Christmas and you haven’t received a gift from them, and no greetings either. Maybe they’re just busy celebrating with family or maybe they don’t find it necessary anymore.
The thing is…you used to greet each other on these days.
As for your birthday? What’s sad is that while they do greet you on your birthday, they do it late at night as if it’s just an afterthought or something they do out of duty.
18) They don’t like your posts
You don’t expect your friends—even your best friend—to like your every post but if they like other people’s posts regularly and they haven’t liked yours for a while, then something’s up.
Sure, it’s a free country and we should not measure our friendships through our social media interactions, but this is definitely one sign that your friend secretly hates you.
You see, if you’re a true friend and you’re always online, you would comment on the posts of your closest friends even if they’re lame and a bit too self-absorbed because hey…that’s what friends do, especially if you don’t see each other often.
19) You disagree over almost everything
Even something as simple as choosing what food to order becomes serious.
Most of the time, anger and resentment, when not expressed in a healthy way, finds its way in simple everyday things.
They’re not really pissed that you want to order something “too healthy”, they’re pissed that you’re trying to show them how much more healthy and disciplined you are. For a friend who hates you, everything you say and do becomes an attack of who they are as a person.
20) They put you in vulnerable situations
They know a lot about you and because of that, they have the power to comfort you…but also hurt you and put you in an embarrassing spot.
For example, they know you’re broke right now but they’d insist that your friend group should go on a cruise. This would not only make you pity yourself a little, you’ll also be forced to reveal your problems to the rest of the group.
Maybe your friend has completely forgotten the fact that you’re flat broke (even if you told them a week ago), maybe they’re just impulsive, or maybe they did it out of spite.
21) They act too polite
Someone who’s trying to hold back their frustration and resentment will act nice…sometimes, a bit too nice. And if they are starting to really hate you, they’ll get distant and polite.
This is especially obvious if you’ve always known them to be goofy and yet now they treat you like you’re a guest they just met.
They’re a different person now. Too many formal words and gestures that it’s as if they’re trying to establish the boundaries of your relationship.
22) They gaslight you
You know there’s something wrong between the two of you so try to bring it up.
Your convo goes like this:
YOU: “Hey, is there something wrong? You seem distant lately.”
YOUR FRIEND: “Me? Distant? Of course not!”
YOU: But you rarely answer my messages.”
YOUR FRIEND: “Of course, I do. You’re imagining things again!”
A friend who hates you would want to stay in your life even if all they really want is to cut you off.
It’s probably because they don’t want to be “the bad friend.” Because of that, they’ll put in little effort hoping you won’t notice they’ve changed.
23) You silence is awkward
If you had issues that were just brushed under a rug, well that could pile up. And when that happens the issues get thicker and thicker… it could make being together awkward.
But let’s say that you can’t think of a reason why they’d be pissed at you and yet, you can slice the uncomfortable silence with a knife, then it’s probably because your friend now hates you.
If you’re a highly sensitive person, you can tell right away when there’s something off and you’re catching on to these cues. It’s usually the body language. Maybe they don’t look you straight in the eye when they talk or they keep crossing and uncrossing their feet.
24) They’ve hidden you on social media
Alright, there’s no way for you to find out for sure unless you ask them outright, but then your gut tells you that you’re hidden. You just know!
And then there are more obvious signs like when you see them actively posting and commenting on other people’s posts, and they didn’t even see your engagement posts with 1k likes.
If you know how social media works, you know that it’s impossible for them not to see your posts unless they’ve hidden you.
There are probably other reasons milder than hate but they’re probably rooting from the same vein.
25) You’re no longer their go-to person
You used to be their number one person to call in case of emergency but that’s not the case anymore.
Heck, you haven’t even heard from them that much. You see their active status on Whatsapp and yet, crickets.
And well, you got news from your common friend about your friend’s latest dilemma. Basically, they told this person who they’re not that close to but not you.
You used to be their hero, now you’re zero real quick.
26) You don’t exist in their social media anymore
You checked their profile because you remember they posted a photo of you together while you went hiking last summer. You can’t find it anymore. In fact, all the photos she posted that have you in it are gone.
Maybe you did something awful and they hate your stinking guts already. They’re probably deeply hurt because only a person who’s hurt would bother doing that.
27) They show passive-aggressive behavior
So not only do they give backhanded compliments, they also show passive-aggressive behavior.
Passive aggression is a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them.
Think of the many ways you used to piss off your brother or classmate without actually making it too obvious.
Maybe you walk a little slower just to annoy them, you say something like “I don’t want to be rude” and say something so rude because you already said the disclaimer.
28) They don’t care if you get in trouble
They know that you get crazy when you’re drunk but your friend just allows you to make a complete fool of yourself.
You can tell they’re different now because they used to convince you to stop.
They used to be protective of you the same way you’re protective of them. But things have changed and maybe because deep inside, they hate you and want you to mess up.
29) They no longer drop everything to rush to you
You know that you’re not a needy person and the times that you truly need your friends are few and far between.
When you recently had a life and death situation, your friend just observed from afar. They didn’t rush to you to get you out of the mess you got yourself into.
Sure we’re all busy but this kind of thing doesn’t usually happen and you wish they’re there for you. Maybe they’re now too focused on themselves or the friendship has changed because they secretly hate you.
30) They don’t find your jokes funny anymore
You might not be a critically acclaimed comedian, but they have always reacted in some way to even the blandest joke in your book.
But now they simply don’t react at all. Or, when they do react, it’s to make sure you get the idea that they hate you.
It could be that they would roll their eyes, groan and tell you to stop, or simply walk away. And you can just tell that there’s nothing friendly about it, either. They’re not just pretending; it’s real.
They know it would hurt you. If they cared about you, they would hold themselves back. But because they actually hate you, they would jump on the opportunity to make you feel bad.
31) They shut you down when you ask for favors
Asking friends for favors feels bad. Or, at least most people think so. There’s that fear that you’re being too dependent on your friends, or that you’re just taking advantage of them.
So all things considered, it’s only right to treat one’s friends nicely when they come to ask for a favor. Even when they can’t afford to entertain it at the moment (maybe they’re busy), they would at least try to say ‘no’ nicely.
If they’re shutting you down without care for how you feel, and make it clear that they don’t want you asking for favors, then they most likely hate you.
32) They’re not proud of you
It’s only natural to want to celebrate your victories with your friends. After all, who doesn’t like it when their friend is happy?
Not everyone might have the emotional energy to keep up, of course. And there are times when the news is not appropriate. A friend who had just been dumped won’t enjoy it when you tell them you just went steady with someone special.
But even then a friend won’t try to put you down, and tell you things like “Just that? That’s not even a big deal. Try harder.”
A true friend would celebrate you and help you up, not tear you down. So who cares if your painting isn’t as good as theirs, or that you learned how to do the plumbing yourself?
It’s significant to you and they should recognise that.
33) They’re not there on your lowest low
We all need company when things are especially rough. During times when everything’s falling apart and we feel like we have nothing to live for.
And in those times, true friends would do their best to be there for you.
They might not be there in person, or be by your side all the time, but they would nonetheless try to ask if you’re alright. If you’re doing fine. And if you are in danger, they would turn Heaven and Earth just to make sure you’re safe.
The last thing they want is to lose a friend. Because that is a very real danger in circumstances like these.
But when you reach out for help and they leave you on read or drag you even lower. When they don’t respond despite how many times you try to contact them, then they most definitely don’t care for you.
34) You hear about them gossiping about you
Friendship is built on respect. And if you respect someone, you’re not going to gossip about them or talk about them behind their back.
They might smile at you and act friendly to your face, only to laugh at you when your back is turned. They might try to engage you in pleasant conversation, only to twist your words and make you sound like a monster when talking to others.
The problem is that people can do this and still seem like the perfect friend to you. It’s not immediately obvious.
You will have to wait for others to confess to you about what is going on behind your back, and then present damning evidence.
But when you do get that evidence, you can be sure that they most certainly didn’t like you. And if you got the evidence after you decided to stop being friends with them anyways, then you can rest assured that you made the right decision.
35) They keep trying to shift the blame on you
Another sign that they actually hate you is that they would keep trying to shift the blame on you or make things up so that you’ll feel bad.
The thing with people is that when we hate someone, we will always want to shift the blame towards them, even if we aren’t sure they’re to blame and even when we know they’re innocent.
Let’s say that you and your friends are out on an overseas trip to Peru and your group ends up late to the flight, so your plane leaves without you.
And without missing a beat they point at you and say that you missed the flight because you slept in and spent too long in the shower… when the reason was that your taxi broke down in the middle of the road.
36) They’re not on your side anymore
Your best friend used to defend you even on the times when you’re obviously wrong. “That’s what friends are for!,” they say. And you never felt more loved and validated.
Lately, though, when you told them about your ex harassing you for cheating (because you actually kinda did), your friend said “Well…he has a point.” The old version of your friend would have said something like “But he shouldn’t harass you! Call the cops!”
37) They befriend your enemies
We’re not saints. There are some people we really hate with all our being. Your friend used to hate them too, simply because you hate them. It’s just how you show loyalty to each other.
But then, your friend is now starting to befriend your high school bully. It’s not like they just have a quick chit chat because that’s perfectly okay for you, but they’re planning to go on a road trip together as if they’re BFFs.
Let’s get real. Your friend knows this hurts you… and that’s probably why they’re doing it.
We lose friends all the time, and it’s always a painful affair. But it’s much better to lose friends simply from losing contact than it is to see them turn into an enemy.
You can still salvage friendships that have turned sour so long as you’re willing to address the source of your conflict, and so long as they’re willing to give you a chance. It won’t be easy, and it might take years.
But if the situation just can’t be salvaged, it’s best to shove them out of your head and focus on friends you still have.
One day, in the future, you’ll be able to become real friends again.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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